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What is your partners relationship like with their ex

(8 Posts)
Cheeseyballs Wed 21-Oct-15 18:10:02

I've never dated anyone with an ex in the picture before, ie somebody with a child and precious commitments.
I am now and I just wondered what other peoples partners relationships are like with their ex wife/husband etc.

I'm just trying to gage what is normal with regards to contact ie phone calls, texting etc , helping out financially beyond paying for the children and just in general really?

hellsbellsmelons Wed 21-Oct-15 18:15:24

Well the reason they split up is because she is a nightmare.
So they do NOT get on at all.
He does pay well over the standard CM payments but I take that as a good sign.
But I get on well with my ex and he didn't pay a penny towards out DD and moved out of the country.
I just can't be arsed to bear grudges and we get on fine.

ComeDownToMe Wed 21-Oct-15 19:08:12

DP's relationship with his ex is reasonable. They have quite a bit of contact and he pays for more than he needs to.

If she asked him for help financially or practically beyond the kids he would give it.

I think it is better if they are on reasonable terms if possible if kids are involved.

AlexCloverandSam Wed 21-Oct-15 19:22:42

My boyfriend is still in contact with his ex and we've been dating three years.

I don't know how much contact, he's very vague and just says 'haven't heard from her for months' and things like that.

One time I did snoop his phone and she'd phoned him several times that week. Some of the conversations were about an hour long.
They have no children together, although I think her adult son was going through some issues at the time.

It's now a taboo topic and he storms home, gets angry or deflects the subject if I bring it up.

Fifi782005 Wed 21-Oct-15 19:23:19

Good question I will also be interested to hear other people's experiences

I am currently going through some issues with my child's father after separating two years ago . I'm sure the amount of contact we have is not "normal" this is because even after leaving an ea relationship two years ago he's still controlling . I am getting there and eventually will be completely free one day but for now he still very controlling .

However I would ask a few questions though ,

If you feel she is dependant still financially is he actually paying maintenance ?!
My ex has told everyone including his new girlfriend he is paying maintenance but I don't actually get a penny . This results in me texting and calling asking for money for his child weekly if not more . He will turn up with a bag of food or whatever I've said I need the money for but NOT give me money .

Is she contacting him because there are unresolved issues ?!
I am currently trying to approach him about the fact that HE is living in a home that we jointly own and he is threatening all sorts
if I so much as send a solicitors letter about him buying me out and getting what I put in .

He also maintains contact as a way to randomly check that I have no new partner on the scene despite having another new girlfriend himself and repeatedly introduces our son to them within a matter of weeks

Sorry , I'm not sure I meant to go into this much detail but things are raw for me . I'm very angry that I haven't been able to get myself into a better position two years on but after 20 years together I am gaining strength and independence as the days pass .
I would love to be able to move on more and I'm sure my ex is telling his partner that we have an amicable relationship for the sake of our son and that's why we have so much contact but he's clearly hiding the real reason we have so much contact still .

How well do u know this man ? Sit back and watch see if it feels right , follow your gut .

Spotifymuse Wed 21-Oct-15 19:46:20

What is 'normal' is what has been agreed by both parties, particularly with regards the kids and their finances. How long have you been with this guy?

Cloppysow Wed 21-Oct-15 20:18:54

I have a friendly relationship with my kids dad. We're in pretty regular contact to arrange things with the kids, a few quick conversations a week, either email, text or phone. We are mostly uninvolved in each others lives, but know whats going on with each other if we feel the other should know in case it impacts on the boys. I have a lot of respect for their step mum, shes very good to my kids and i'm just glad they have someone else in their life that's there for them. We are always civil and friendly, but hardly know each other. It wasn't always this way, but we've worked hard at rising above all the crap for the sake of the kids.

Minime85 Wed 21-Oct-15 21:54:53

I too had never had a relationship where there were kids etc it does make things very complicated. I know dp's kids must come first and do what I can to facilitate his relationship with them. I think my ex and I have a good relationship around making the best for the kids. It's not easy though. I haven't met his DP yet. Due to next week under rather challenging circumstances. It's important not to try not to let the relationships with exs take over or interfer with your own

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