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I can't seem to maintain friendships

(6 Posts)
Stinkilinky Wed 21-Oct-15 13:38:39

Growing up I was always very popular, had lots of friends etc but as I've grown older, I have such a tough time trusting anyone as every time I do, it ends up getting thrown back in my face.

I have one brilliant friend but we are polar opposites, she is loud, confident, very career minded and works as a successful model where as I am a SAHM who's confidence seems to be dwiddling more and more by the day! We don't see each other often but talk regularly.

I do get invited out a lot and to do "mum" things with DPs friends partners but one of them seems to have taken a dislike to me which has hurt and the rest seem to be following suit. This seems to happen lot recently, I don't know where I am going wrong, I cannot seem to slot in to established friendship groups.

I really feel better off shutting myself away from people but I know I cannot do that nor do I want to show my DC that that is normal behaviour.

How can I get out of this rut!?

RiceCrispieTreats Wed 21-Oct-15 13:49:48

Here's a book on just that topic by the man who invented CBT

It may give you some useful tools and pointers.

I would wager that the only way in which you're "going wrong" is in thinking unproductive things like you can't trust anyone, so-and-so dislikes me, the others have followed suit...

Because the truth is that you are just fine, you can trust people, the few that you can't can be walked away from, not everyone will like you, but it doesn't matter if that's true because others will.

You'll get there! You've got everything it takes, and you're clearly wiling to examine your behaviour and put in the work.

Stinkilinky Wed 21-Oct-15 14:03:25

Thank you, I will give that book a read.

I'm fully aware that I'm over sensitive (but come across the complete opposite) and I will over analyse things people say and do to the point that I really upset myself. It's completely daft and irrational but I have no idea why I have started to do this over the last few years!

RiceCrispieTreats Wed 21-Oct-15 14:13:55

Would you like to discuss those feelings with a therapist?
It's awful to be plagued by low self-confidence.

Stinkilinky Wed 21-Oct-15 14:22:55

I'm on a waiting list to speak to someone through the NHS but the wait could be up to a year and we don't have the funds to pay privately.

blobbityblob Wed 21-Oct-15 14:40:45

It sounds like you've lost your confidence. I found mine came back when I started doing things just for me, nothing to do with dc. So a course or a part time job or just any old activity that gets you out of the house that's not remotely related to dc or the mums you know through dc. I think once you do and you're confidence starts to build up you see things differently. You'll think god that woman's a cow, rather than why doesn't she like me.

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