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Is this a snub?

(4 Posts)
indigopeach Tue 20-Oct-15 22:41:39

I'm not sure how to take this.

A friend who I was very close to (and would hope still am) moved away a couple of years ago.

I have invited her over, said she is welcome to visit/stay anytime. She has visited, but also has often flaked out at the last minute. The couple of times I arranged to visit her plans came up.

I texted her a week ago to ask if she would like to come over while we still had a spare room. No reply, then a message saying she is visiting my town and has plans. She won't be seeing me. Fine, but why tell me about a trip, and tell me you have other plans?

Potentially relevant background: she was my bridesmaid, but then with her wedding didn't invite even invite dd, knowing I had no childcare options (it wasn't a child free wedding). I tried to be as frank as possible about the situation, and maintain out friendship, but it also felt like a snub.

ScribblerOnTheRoof Wed 21-Oct-15 10:09:51

Sounds like she is trying to freeze you out.

CheersMedea Wed 21-Oct-15 10:40:20

"freeze you out" is a bit dramatic and suggests a high level of investment in the "freezing" which is unlikely to be the case. It sounds far more like she just isn't really that bothered about seeing you. She's telling you about the trip in a "low level investment/ sort of keep in touch" sort of way. She may have thought if you found out later she'd visited your town but hadn't told her, that THAT would have been a snub.

As regards the wedding issue, that probably wasn't a snub just a matter of space they had and expediency. Weddings are expensive and invariably the couple have more friends/ family than there is space.

Basically, she sees you as a casual friend not a close friend would be my assessment. OK to see if it suits her, keep in touch occasionally but not going to go out of her way for you.

RiceCrispieTreats Wed 21-Oct-15 12:14:56

A "snub" sounds like something that's intended as a deliberate insult.

It's far more likely that she just doesn't see you as a priority. That hurts a bit at first and you'll need to adjust your expectations now, but it's entirely her right to have other priorities.

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