Sorry if this is long and rambling. I'm a regular but NC.
My dad died when I was 12, which was 18 years ago. I was sad at the time of course but because I was only a small girl I didn't really know my dad as a person so over the years, to be honest, I haven't particularly missed him.
My dad had a reputation as a lovely, kind person and had lots of friends. At his funeral the crematorium was packed with some people having to stand outside because so many wanted to come and say goodbye.
I've always accepted this 'myth' around my dad but now I am married and expecting my PFB I've actually started to question all of the platitudes and come to the conclusion that I don't/didn't/wouldn't have liked my dad as a person. There were a few things that he did that I would LTB if DH did them now and most certainly once PFB is here.
For example, he would go to the pub at least four nights a week so I'd only see him for about an hour a day when he got in from work.
When I was about 10-11 he'd go out on Saturday nights and not come home until Sunday morning, most of the time when he came home he was still pissed.
I never ever remember him having Sunday dinner with me and my mum as he was either still out from the night before or at the pub. Similarly, he never had Xmas dinner with us.
When I was helping him clear out his work van once I found a very very hardcore porn magazine.
He did absolutely nothing around the house, everything was my mum's job.
Most of this was excused by my mum because he 'worked hard' and was a 'man's man'. No, I think he was actually a thoughtless, selfish cunt.
Now I'm PG with PFB my mum often says bits and pieces about what my dad did, how my dad was a good dad etc. and I just want to yell at her that he treated her like a fucking doormat for years and if my DH was even an ounce as twattish as my dad was I'd never see him again.
I feel like my mums rose-tinted reminiscing about what a wonderful dad my dad was is getting in the way of our relationship now that I'm PG- I want me and my mum to enjoy this time together but I feel like my dad's getting in the way! I don't really feel like I can say anything to my mum about this (i.e. my dad wasn't as great as you think) because I know this'll upset her.
I also feel as though my mum doesn't like DH because DH isn't like my dad. I know that sounds daft but I think she sees DH as a bit of a ponce/sissy/woss. She hasn't said as much but I can just tell that she doesn't think it's right for him to be so involved in my PG or to be hoovering or staying in rather than out at the pub. As I said, she hasn't said anything that I can react to IYSWIM but it's there bubbling.
I just wonder if you've any advice or tell me to get a grip!!
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Feelings towards me deceased dad
3 replies
SystemicFailure · 19/10/2015 12:32
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.