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How do you leave when you're pregnant and have no money?

(12 Posts)
dogatemyhomework Mon 19-Oct-15 09:23:25

I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and have a DD who is 18 months. I want to leave my OH. He keeps walking out on us and last night was the final straw. He's done this since my DD was about 8 weeks - just walks out, goes drinking and comes back two or three days later. Usually after an argument. When he told me he wanted another baby I wasn't so sure and told him he would have to prove himself before we started trying. He did, for around 5 months and I fell pregnant straight away. Since I've been pregnant he's left four times already. The first time was when I was around six weeks pregnant, I started bleeding and needed to go to epu. He was out drinking and wouldn't come home when I told him. Stupidly I've forgave him time and time again but I'm not doing it no more. He left around half 9 last night and said he wasn't coming home. We're not married, both names on lease so no one has any rights to the house. I'm a SAHM so I have no income. What do I do? Really need support. I could go back to my mums which would work for a little while until the baby is born - she only has a single spare bedroom which is more like a box room so it wouldn't fit a toddler, baby and me. I'm so stuck, I've barely slept sad.

BarbarianMum Mon 19-Oct-15 09:31:51

Sorry you are in this position flowers. In your position I'd contact Women's Aid and CAB and get some advise. Also have a look at some of the benefit websites and check out what you'd be entitled to as a single mum. Also, talk to your mother, if you think she'd be sympathetic.

Leaving will be hard. But nowhere near so hard as living with an alcoholic, long-term.

AnotherEmma Mon 19-Oct-15 09:42:33

I think you should move in with your mum as a temporary thing while you sort yourself out. Definitely get advice from CAB and look at the benefit websites. And talk to your partner and landlord about getting your name removed from the lease so it's in his name only.

AnotherEmma Mon 19-Oct-15 09:47:13

You will also be entitled to child maintenance payments from your STBXP.

HeySoulSister Mon 19-Oct-15 09:47:16

you would be re housed in a b and b in all likelihood so a small room at your mums might be preferable

dogatemyhomework Mon 19-Oct-15 09:51:30

My mum would be sympathetic. I'll give her a call when she's finished work later on. We've spoken briefly about maintenance payments in the past when we've came close to splitting up and she said he would only pay the bare minimum as apparently 'he would be buying he clothes, toys ect. anyway.' I just can't believe it's come to this. I feel so stupid.

spanisharmada Mon 19-Oct-15 09:51:52

I moved in with Dparents, was on ML at the time with no income, set up tax credit claims and saved every penny I could to afford to rent somewhere for myself and DC. It was trying, but worth it in the long run.

AnotherEmma Mon 19-Oct-15 09:55:56

"she said he would only pay the bare minimum as apparently 'he would be buying he clothes, toys ect. anyway.'"

Eh? That doesn't make much sense. How much he'll have to pay depends on his income and how much time the children have with you and him (ie you will get the maximum amount if they're with you full time).

You're not stupid. You gave him a chance and tried to make it work. It's his fault it hasn't worked out, not yours.

flowers

HeySoulSister Mon 19-Oct-15 09:58:38

it was for 2 dc 20% of his income

then youd also get income support and tax credits.

dogatemyhomework Mon 19-Oct-15 12:02:32

Apparently he looked at a calculator online and it said he could legally give me £40 a month(?) so he would chose this option rather than settling an agreement between us and giving me more. This was a while back so I'm not sure if it was that amount per month/week. Just took my LG to her swimming lessons so will look into woman's aid and benefit entitlement just now.

AnotherEmma Mon 19-Oct-15 12:50:13

"Apparently he looked at a calculator online and it said he could legally give me £40 a month(?) so he would chose this option rather than settling an agreement between us and giving me more. This was a while back so I'm not sure if it was that amount per month/week."

Don't take his word for it. I would be very surprised if it was £40/month, but even £40/week isn't very much. He probably spends more than that on alcohol!

Make sure you know for sure what his income is (do some snooping while he's out if necessary, and take photos of any payslips or bank statements you find) and then use the information to find out yourself what he will have to give you.

AnotherEmma Mon 19-Oct-15 12:55:41

This website has lots of useful info and links to benefit and child maintenance calculators:
www.sortingoutseparation.org.uk/en/home

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