Really really bloody angry.
I might not be posting in the right place and this has gone on a long time but basically my partner has recently been through a really really difficult time. He's had to move out of the family home (a mutual agreement whilst he gets better, we continue to function as a family), He's been diagnosed with a personality disorder and made quite a lot of serious suicide attempts including inpatient stays.
This has been apparently going on since he was a teenager and completely ignored by MIL, She is a very high earner, works from home, controls all the money so FIL DP and BIL maybe get £10 per week. She is extremely violent but comes across as if butter wouldn't melt. I was completely unaware of any of this for the first year of our relationship. When DP started to have suicidal thoughts again she would just ignore him and make him feel really guilty. He is mid (to late) 20s and has never even had his own mobile phone (lived on his own but she's that bad, He's only got one this year). She would have violent outbursts around me and our son and then lie to her partner (who she beats), she assaulted me and my son earlier this year quite publicly in the street and I mean forceful punching completely unprovoked which was all witnessed and reported to the police but I didn't press charges at the time because I was in such shock and confusion (I wasn't aware of all of the other things). I maybe still could. The whole pregnancy she told DP that I was probably cheating on him and the baby wouldn't be his, She stopped him from coming to the hospital or tried to anyway, she told him he had to stay at her house after the assault and banned him (mid to late 20s, professionals) from using the internet to connect with his family saying she turned it off to save money and from using the phone at all saying what if someone needed to call me? She wouldn't let him visit his newborn daughter and would get incredibly violent if he did but at this point DP was only just starting to open up about her so I didn't know much of it. He called her when he was really desperate asking if he could borrow some money and explaining he had tried to kill himself a few times and she said no, that she would love to but his dad wouldn't be happy about it (obviously his dad was out at the time she would never say that if he was there), She told him if he wanted any money at all he would have to go back and live with them and she wanted to meet his psychologist so the psychologist could persuade him to go back.
I wrote her a really well worded but obviously angry letter earlier tonight detailing in it everything she has done and every which way she has assaulted, abused and blackmailed us as a family (I do have proof of everything i wrote). I put what I thought about how upsetting it was for all of us and how no mother treats their child like that, that normal women don't have to beat their men to keep them there and that normal mothers don't have to abuse their children just to get by. That other people have probably noticed too as comments had been made to us when we moved out of our last house and that if she didn't leave us alone I will seek a court injunction and make sure people did know what she was like, that they aren't my secrets to keep and that I hope she can't sleep at night or look at herself in the mirror. I haven't sworn at all in it or called names or anything but its extremely emotional and angry and I really felt like i needed to just get it all out. But I also feel like a part of me needs to send it to her because I do want her to be worried people might find out, I do want her to know what sort of consequences she's brought on us. But can I legally? Dp says yes as he won't see or speak to them and its been that way for a while but she's nuts and she won't leave us alone. This is sort of my last move before going back to the police but i don't really know what to say to them. This will get me into trouble won't it? Ive never even had a speeding ticket what do i do?
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To send MIL a threatening(ish) angry letter. Really angry letter.
babarthefuckingelephant · 19/10/2015 02:03
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First of all, you won't get in trouble with the police for sending her and angry letter, providing you don't threaten to harm her in any way or word in in a way that could be construed as blackmail. That doesn't necessarily mean you should send it though.
Sorry to nitpick and it's not that I don't believe you but I am really confused about some of your points.
He's had to move out of the family home (a mutual agreement whilst he gets better, we continue to function as a family)
Where has he gone? Not back to his mother's I hope?
She is a very high earner, works from home, controls all the money so FIL DP and BIL maybe get £10 per week.
If your DP is a mid to late 20s professional, why is he needing to have money controlled and rationed by his mother? 
And his brother? Does he not have a job?
He is mid (to late) 20s and has never even had his own mobile phone (lived on his own but she's that bad, He's only got one this year)
Again, how on earth has a grown man of professional standing who lives with his partner and his children, allowed his mother to control whether or not he has access to a mobile phone all these years?
She stopped him from coming to the hospital or tried to anyway, she told him he had to stay at her house after the assault and banned him (mid to late 20s, professionals) from using the internet to connect with his family saying she turned it off to save money and from using the phone at all saying what if someone needed to call me? She wouldn't let him visit his newborn daughter and would get incredibly violent if he did
Why on earth was he allowing this to happen to him? How can she demand that he stay there instead of in his own home? And where was your son at this point, while you were in hospital and your DP was being bossed around at home by mummy? She's infantalising him in the most awful way - and he's letting her. Was he already very ill at this point? What is her issue with you? It sounds like she thinks you are really bad news for some reason and that in her own warped way she thinks she's trying to protect him from you.
He called her when he was really desperate asking if he could borrow some money and explaining he had tried to kill himself a few times and she said no, that she would love to but his dad wouldn't be happy about it (obviously his dad was out at the time she would never say that if he was there), She told him if he wanted any money at all he would have to go back and live with them and she wanted to meet his psychologist so the psychologist could persuade him to go back.
After all she's done, why would he call her and ask her, instead of speaking to his dad and seeing if his dad could persuade her? Why is he even asking at all?
Why does your 'mid to late 20s' DP get pocket money off his mother?
I would agree with you Thumb to a point, except I fail to understand how a man who has been conditioned to the extent that he did not permit himself to own a mobile phone or to make his own decisions about anything, ever ended up leaving the house long enough to have a relationship and a couple of children in the first place.
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