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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Really need some advice!

(13 Posts)
Ginny12345 Sun 18-Oct-15 19:53:41

Not sure what to do?!?
I've been with DH for 15 years married for 6 and have 2 DC together. DH has always been a little let's say moody. Hes been under a little pressure at work lately which I've been helping him deal with but this last week has been a living hell for me!! It started last Monday he's yelled and yelled and called me lots of names, told me he hates me, accused me of having an affair (which I most definitely have not). He keeps threatening to leave me and telling me I'm useless I'm a brick wall. I shut down when he screams at me mostly because I don't want our DC hearing us row. So after today's rant which was probably the worst yet I took the kids out came home and as usual he acts like nothing has happened as he has done all week, no apology nothing. ATM he's making my tea (first time ever) but I can't help feeling a little abused tbh. This is not what a marriage is about? Alright we have money struggles but there's never a conversation just him screaming in my face! Today my DD said she didn't want to get married as she didn't want to be yelled at like I am and why is her daddy a bully? Needless to say that's really upset me for her sake and seriously made me question our lives. Sometimes things are great but more than not ATM things are pretty shit!! Don't want to give up but really at wits end and feeling so so sad.

springydaffs Sun 18-Oct-15 20:27:08

Out of the mouths of babes sad

How old is your dd? It is completely unacceptable for her to be living in this. Nor you, of course.

This is clear abuse, not a 'little' abuse. There is NO EXCUSE for this. Even if his leg was hanging off, his mother has just died and his business had gone down the pan, there is still NO EXCUSE. He does this bcs he chooses to.

You MUST get your dc out of this pronto. Yy you need to get out but if you can't do it for you, do it for your kids. Please. They must be immediately removed from this.

Epilepsyhelp Sun 18-Oct-15 20:29:06

Does your dh know she said that? It might be a wake up call for him?

AnotherEmma Sun 18-Oct-15 20:32:45

This is emotional abuse. Please contact Women's Aid. And read the advice in this article: liveboldandbloom.com/11/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse
Lastly you could also look up Lundy Bancroft's books, which are often recommended to people in situations like yours.

I hope you can find the strength to do what you need to do for yourself and for your daughter. Good luck.

Ginny12345 Sun 18-Oct-15 21:17:20

She's 9.

I really don't want to leave but I know you're all right.
He's being nice now but I can't just roll over anymore for the sake of my children. I want to fix this?? I also would not have a clue how to leave him? I've been with him since I was 16 he's all I know. Sad really?!

Ginny12345 Sun 18-Oct-15 21:23:50

Meant to say no I haven't told him DD said that. I don't want to look let alone talk to him ATM

springydaffs Sun 18-Oct-15 21:34:52

Have a look at the Womens Aid website to get tips on how to leave. They focus more on women in dire situations but the same rules apply legally, practically etc. That's not to say your situation isn't dire btw.

Also read up about emotional/verbal abuse there. He IS a bully, your dd has it absolutely right there angry

Ohfourfoxache Sun 18-Oct-15 21:57:26

Ginny I'm sorry love but you need to get rid of this cunt.

I understand, I really do - especially as he is all you've ever known (we're about the same age, also known dh from 16) but you deserve so much better.

And as for your DC, well they don't deserve to be subjected to this bully.

AnotherEmma Sun 18-Oct-15 23:06:32

"I want to fix this??"
You can't fix him, I'm afraid. He is abusive and very unlikely to change. The only way to fix the situation is to leave.
Read Should I Stay or Should I Go
flowers

Custardo Sun 18-Oct-15 23:13:15

have you ever yelled back?

I wouldn't put up with it because i'm a grown up and equal to my dh, I am not to be shouted at like a child and bullied. I do have the confidence to tell dh to go fuck himself, which I understand you might not.

you also say that you don't answer back because of the kids - that doesn[t stop him screaming at you though does it?

I would wait until all is fine and then tell him the next time he shouts at you and calls you names you will answer back because you are not a child. you don't have to shout or scream or swear - but you can reply.

if you are too scared to reply to the bully - well then, that's something lse altogether

PeppasNanna Mon 19-Oct-15 00:32:07

Seriously you've been together 15 years but only this week, hes started shouting?

These people saying leave need a reality check!

Dont put up with his shouting. Tell him to stfu & talk to each other.

Theres obviously a problem with your dh, try tslking instead of 'shuting down'. Do not put up with his shouting either!

Good luck

BitOutOfPractice Mon 19-Oct-15 10:37:42

PeppasNanny - he's always been moody and difficult so no, not just this week

AnotherEmma Mon 19-Oct-15 10:50:40

Exactly. This kind of thing doesn't happen out of the blue. It's not just "shouting", it's abusive screaming. I expect he is emotionally abusive in other more subtle ways too.

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