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My DM

(13 Posts)
Polgara25 Sun 18-Oct-15 16:06:22

Many years ago, my step father did the things that step fathers are not supposed to do with a child (I don't like writing it down but you get the idea).

He's now dead.

My DM knows what happened though we've never really talked about it. We pretend it never happened.

I went to her house for dinner recently with my DP. She gets out a load of photos of the dead man and launches off into a session of soppy nostalgia.

After we got home, I sent her a text asking her not to do that anymore as it brings it all back. I copied in my Dad out of sheer frustration. He didn't know happened until now. I feel sick about the whole thing.

Help?

Arkkorox Sun 18-Oct-15 16:13:57

Sorry I don't have any useful advice but what a horrible thing to happen sad

flowers

Polgara25 Sun 18-Oct-15 16:34:59

I think I've blown my family apart.

ittooshallpass Sun 18-Oct-15 17:01:15

You didn't blow your family apart... your step father did that...
You DM has been hideously insensitive at best... I'm so sorry you are going through this. ??

Polgara25 Sun 18-Oct-15 17:25:02

What the hell do I do about me Dad? He now, knows.

Shit.

liviadrusilla Sun 18-Oct-15 19:04:20

I'm so sorry. You haven't done anything wrong. I hope your dad will be supportive, and I hope your mum realises how badly she behaved when you went round. x

ittooshallpass Sun 18-Oct-15 19:04:33

Sorry for question marks on my previous post... no idea why they appeared ??

ittooshallpass Sun 18-Oct-15 19:05:38

Do you have a good relationship with your dad?

Saymwa Sun 18-Oct-15 19:42:59

You don't do anything about your dad. Your parents help you.
END OF.

If they can't then it's not your fault.

However, you do have a responsibility to yourself.

And, I suggest that you get therapy to deal with these past issues and the on-going complications.

None of this is your fault and the least you can do is get good proper professional help to stop this poisoning your life.

Polgara25 Sun 18-Oct-15 20:29:15

Yes, I have a good relationship with my Dad. Just can't deal with the potential fall out.

If he blames my DM I don't know what I'll do.

Saymwa Sun 18-Oct-15 21:37:29

Polgara,
I really don't think you should be taking that on your shoulders. It is not for you to be sorting out your parents' differences. Even less so when it comes to this situation.
Also, to be honest, I would think it worse if your DD was not angry about it.

That said- it's you that's needing the help here. If your parents aren't available to provide it right now then I can only encourage you to get your needs met from a different source. MNetters can be caring but we're not professional therapists for the most smile.And your situation sounds intricate and complex so I really would suggest you find a professional without waiting too long.

Thinking about you.

Polgara25 Mon 19-Oct-15 11:18:46

I just know that somehow, it'll all be my fault.

Saymwa Tue 20-Oct-15 06:51:54

I hope you realise that guilt you feel is misplaced. If not, please get professional help.

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