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Think it's over after 11 years

(9 Posts)
MrsSoDown Sun 18-Oct-15 14:11:22

We have 2 kids under 4 and one on the way. Found my partner to be snappy at me, ignores me, disregards things I say, when I try and talk to him he shouts over me and never lets me finish my point, hell would freeze over before he even tried to listen to my point. I no longer have patience for it and have been guilty of loosing my cool and having no patience on a lot of things. Last night we had a frank chat about it, he said he feels when we got together I didn't questions things like I do now, basically I'm making him feel less of the man in the household. Ever since he had an emotional affair with a woman at work I lost respect for him, so I don't take as much BS as I used too. Today he went shopping, I told him what to buy as I have a bigger shop coming tomorrow. He totally disregarded it and just bought a full weeks shop anyway. It may seem minor but it sent me over the edge. Just another example of how he values nothing I have to say. I love the man he used to be, I don't even know who he is now, I'm not sure he does. We aren't married, house in his name which he pays mortgage, I'm a SATHM. Pretty screwed with leaving or having any entitlement aren't I?

MrsSoDown Sun 18-Oct-15 14:33:53

Would appreciate some help. Really feeling messed up here.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 18-Oct-15 14:45:47

"He said he feels when we got together I didn't questions things like I do now, basically I'm making him feel less of the man in the household".

Listen to him. He has much more power over you than he did before, and that's the way he likes it. You are not to question what he does or how he does it because he's not interested in hearing you.

If you're sure that it's over you need an escape plan because he certainly won't make it easy for you.

Not being married is unfortunate because you have far fewer automatic rights, but your children will make a difference to your situation.

Have an informal chat with Womans Aid about his emotional abuse: 0808 2000 247. Emotional abuse now and abuse of the financial kind not far behind it.

Muckogy Sun 18-Oct-15 18:26:00

Yeah its over.
It sounds like there's plenty leeway for things to get much worse in the future too.
I would call it a day.
Life is too short for his horseshit.

MrsSoDown Sun 18-Oct-15 19:45:02

Which I know but what the hell do I do with 2 kids and being pregnant. He will refuse to leave the house and I have no where to go and no income. He wouldn't let me take kids to a refuge and I wouldn't want to put my kids through that either.

ditherydora Sun 18-Oct-15 21:19:36

Hi, I suggest you see a family lawyer. Depending on the circumstances you might be entitled to a share of the value of the house. You should also speak to CAB and see what benefits and support you would be entitled to.

goddessofsmallthings Mon 19-Oct-15 05:37:12

He wouldn't let me take kids to a refuge That's easily dealt with by not telling him.

I wouldn't want to put my kids through that You may have formed an erroneous impression about refuges but I can assure you that dc such as yours, who've only known life in a home where their dps are continually at each others' throats. begin to thrive in the non-toxic environment of a refuge and their dms undoubtedly benefit from the support of other residents, as well as workers who can help them navigate their way through the minefield that is claiming benefits and applying for local authority/social housing.

Jan45 Mon 19-Oct-15 12:15:01

When someone shows you zero respect it's time to move on.

Dowser Mon 19-Oct-15 12:54:31

I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you take steps to sort out the situation. It all sounds very loveless.

I hope you come out of this better than you anticipate.

However hard it is now, it will get better. My cousin ended up in a Refuge with four young children as her husband was physically violent. She married a lovely man who after 19 years passed away but he brought those children up as his own.
Now child free and in her 50s has met another lovely man who is kind, considerate and extremely loving. She gets whisked away at the drop of a hat London, Italy wherever. She's having a whale of a time.

So please don't settle for anything less than the best.

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