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I'm the annoying person(18 Posts)
How do you change if your the annoying person in everyone's life's, I've cut contact with many people over the last few months all I do is constantly complain and people don't need to be brought down by me.
How can I change it I just seem to annoy everyone I come into contact with.
In what ways do you feel as though you are being annoying op?
Well you're showing a great deal of self awareness here so I don't think you can be that bad!
If you find yourself going off on a rant, stop, acknowledge, apologize and make light, and then change the subject by asking a question requiring the other person to talk about themselves.
That's not to say you can't ever rant, I use MN and other online sources for that but in reality I don't all that much.
I find I over share everything about me and what's happening in my head more than a normal person would and for the last few months all I've done is complain about how i feel, how tired I am, anything really.
I just drive everyone away right now it's better I'm not around anyone but I do want to be I want to be normal and have people like me but I'm very annoying to know and people have told me that so its not just me thinking it .
As you are aware exactly what you're doing it's easy then to stop yourself. When you speak to people do you ask about them, what's happening in their life?
Try getting out of your head and focusing on the other person you are talking to. Ask about them and let them talk.
That sounds easy but I've tried and failed, I do care about other people I will listen but I don't think it's on even ground if that makes sense like I'm always the one sharing more I know I shouldn't be.
I will try harder, I've Deleted me off fb as I keep ranting and raving about me and feel bad as others don't need to see my problems.
I also get very worried I say the wrong things. I worry I upset others not meaning to but if they ask for advice I worry I give the wrong advice or say the wrong think.
See I'm doing it again this what I mean about being annoying.
So I say sorry then ask about them.
I used to be like this. It's habit. Have a break off Facebook for a good month. And as twee as it sounds, think positive , about everything. Don't force it or fake it just see the good in everyday things. If something goes right no matter how small...you find a pound in your pocket, you get let out at a junction you see a cute dog anything!! Inwardly be thankful. Positivity grows once you start seeing the good the negatives shrink I promise you. Bad things still happen but you're approach is key. People are drawn to positive people so you just need to break the habit of moaning and make the habit of being grateful of the good stuff. Give it time and keep at it and people will notice the change in you without you having to force it.
Ps sometimes you're going to say the wrong things. It happens, relax. Listen more talk less and your anxiety will lessen plus you can give a less hurried, more informed comment.
Thankyou that makes sense I used to be like this years ago I must look selfish but I really don't mean to be then I managed to control it for along time then the last few months I reverted back and haven't been able to be very positive and I don't think the medication im on are going to work so I need to change my behaviours.
So that's think positive
Stop apologise and ask about them.
Have you asked these people their opinion of you before jumping away?
I only ask because when I was in a bad place I felt the same and did the same.
Said friends told me off and it transpired that me moaning and bitching...they just saw me as in a bad place right then.
They did not think I was a bad frined or had disapointed them as I had fretted over.
I wasn't bringing them down they just knew I needed that little bit more support.
They actually told me I was my own worst enemy and judging myself too badly!
It took a while to realise that but once I did things were better.
It is good to be off fb though, that can sometimes really not help.
I have and most people say I'm not annoying but if someone says that your hardly going to go yes you do annoy me.
My dm finds me annoying she's always mentioning that I talk to much and I should just be quiet.
My Dp says I say to much to often I should just try keep quiet as I often say the wrong things or don't get what's been said i don't get simple jokes ect I know I don't so I just pretend to know what's happening now as I feel self conscious when people laugh at me not getting it. there the closest people to me so they are honest.
I will try be positive and not speak to much and see what happens.
Neither your mum or DP sound that great at character assessment, in fact if most other people don't say they find you annoying I'd wonder if it wasn't them making you feel bad for whatever their own reasons.
Your mum saying you are annoying and talk to much- are you sure she shouldn't listen more?
Your DP says you should keep quiet because you say the wrong things and don't get jokes- are you sure the 'jokes' are actually jokes and not rude or veiled insults or that the 'wrong things' are not just things s/he doesn't like?
Being positive is good, I recommend it, but they sound pretty down on you and enough to make anyone negative.
While you stay quiet I would keep a critical eye on them and their behaviour towards you too.
I find I over share everything about me and what's happening in my head more than a normal person would**
I could have written this myself. I can relate. For a while I was totally unaware of how I was coming across, I soon realised that I don't need to share every minute detail and that as much as it helps me, people don't want to hear it. My issue now is that I've gone completely the other way and i don't like to talk to other people about myself now for fear of boring people
The others have provided some solid advice though.
You're aware you are doing it. Can you stop before talking and 1) aim to ask others questions and be interested in responses 2) see the funny side in things that annoy you. Turn crap stuff into a joke. 3) watch how others respond positively and use certain people as role models.
If you're oversharing with strangers and friends, is that because you dont' get to share often with your friends or family?
I know on days when I barely see an adult and I catch up with my friend she gets an earful as I 'get it all out of my system', IYSWIM.
So try to share, even if it's just writing it down in in a document on your computer, or moaning on a chat thread on here. Then do the same with the positive things in your life. Make a point of finding 5 positive things to talk about. Hard at first, but it will get easier as you go on.
Far less likely to overshare the negative bits then.
Another it's not strangers but people who know me but don't need to know every part of my life ect, I'm actually very shy in person and tend not to speak to strangers unless I have to.
Your right about not having anyone to talk to I don't I have Dp and he doesn't like me complaining so that's an issue.
I'm struggling to see many positive things atm but I am trying to as I'm sick of feeling down and being worried about what I talk about so I will try and do that more Thankyou.
Monkeys - it's hard when you feel so alone.
But the positive things don't have to be about you and your life, they can be about anything at all.
These are some of the lovely things I can think of which I could mention to people:
The gorgeous sunset I saw the other day.
The group of trees that are turning a fabulous shade of red right now.
Looking forward to bonfire night - I wonder who's making the Guy this year?
The huge poppies that are going up on the High Street - I wonder how many more there will be, it will look really lovely.
Just have a look around you, it takes awhile to see things with a 'glass half full' approach rather than a 'glass half empty' one.
Also, you can make a point about talking about something relevant to them, then if you bore their heads off talking about yourself at a later point in time they'll be far more forgiving.
- New hairstyle
- their car (going to sound sexist, but so many guys really like talking about their cars!!)
- If the colour of someone's top really suits them (I really love that colour top, and it looks amazing on you, suits you so well).
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