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Support thread for old

(154 Posts)
kateshair Sun 18-Oct-15 08:42:41

Hi all I've done old for a year now.
Have experienced highs and lows several lows !!
Had dates with no connection whatsoever regardless of getting on well via the site. Had a date with bang instant chemistry. Had dates that have turned into a relationship (so I thought ) only to have then simply disengage with me...
I'm coming close to pulling the plug on it all. Not sure it helps that I'm the ripe old age of 40.. Last time I was single was 29 and within six months had meet someone ...
Am finding the men on old go for or hope to go for women ten years younger than them..
What do you all think...
Would be nice to have a place to vent and discuss this all. The dating thread seems to be quiet of late..

Elliementalmydearwatson Sun 18-Oct-15 09:23:52

I would love to join!
I have a thread on here "First date- so many red flags"(sorry I don't know how to link!)
Actually that thread is a bit mis-named I never actually made it to the first date! Lol

DisillusionedGoat Sun 18-Oct-15 09:49:41

I think it is becoming apparent after a while of OLD that there is something wrong with the whole set up.

After experiencing, the ones who start a relationship then abruptly end it, the ones who really only want sex but state that they are looking for a relationship, the ones who suddenly disappear; I don't know whether it is sensible to keep doing OLD and getting the same outcomes.

I am currently having an OLD hiatus. There has got to be a better way, that does not involve as much repeated disappointment. Or maybe I am naïve.

Have joined Meetup and will give men a wide berth for a while. (I am a little bit disillusioned by my recent experiences)

DisillusionedGoat Sun 18-Oct-15 09:57:33

(Maybe OLD thread is quiet as the usual posters might all be in relationships!)

kateshair Sun 18-Oct-15 14:22:00

Yes maybe meet up is something to think about !
Sick of the same old thing.. It's seems to be a guarantee for me that if I find one I like he turns out to be a grade a prat !
Pet hate of mine is when they go all out, charm on full , lots of texting , ringing and plans galore.. Peppering the conversation with snippets of 'the future ' with them !! Then wham they bugger off ! This happened to me earlier this year. He vanished I should have pulled him up on it immediately but no I thought I'd play it cool.. Regret that big style ! As got hurt :-((
Of course it's a given I was the back up plan ! I never saw it coming.. How can we ? Unless we do some under cover surrvalience !!
Am still dating just ! But if I get a sniff something I not right I'm out..

DisillusionedGoat Sun 18-Oct-15 16:20:26

With OLD, my mantra is "Expect disappointments. Many of them". I am currently a bit bruised and battered by my recent full on charmer. That man went from being consistent, telling everyone who would listen I was someone special, treating me like he was really genuine, to literally overnight making a complete about turn. Sending my things back in the post and then ghosting.

I just want to socialise for a while, hence joining Meetup. There has been, however, an undercurrent at the social events I have attended, and talk does turn to dating/relationships etc.

BlodBloomer Sun 18-Oct-15 16:34:39

I've been OLD for two years and have met 12 men.

Guy 1: Dated 3 weeks. Kept crying over his ex (in bed)

Guy 2: Dated a month. Told me he didn't want to be with someone with kids (just after shagging me) then immediately dated someone else with kids.

Guy 3: Dated 6 months. Wanted to get married. I didn't feel the same.

Guy 4: Dated 4 months. He turned out to be a literal mentalist. Several dating profiles, fake name it. Was gutted.

Guy 5: One meeting, no chemisty.

Guy 6: One meeting, no chemistry.

Guy 7: Dated 3 months. Told me he still loved his ex and could not handle a relationship (right after we shagged for the first time)

Guy 8: One meeting no chemistry.

Guy 9: Random one night stand

Guy 10: Turned out to be married.

Guy 11: One meeting no chemistry.

Guy 12: Seeing him for just over a month, he seems ok so far

Its awful OLD. Really taken it out of me

Northernpowerhouse Sun 18-Oct-15 16:37:52

I am in meet-up in preference to OLD because i just want to socialise/ do activities without all the hassle.

You still get a fair few flakey/stalkerish/odd people on meet up - both men and women! However I think because there is not the expectation of a relationship it is easier to cope with. Plus after 4 years I am now MUCH better at spotting them and keeping my distance.

Having said that I've met some lovely people on meet up too who are now good friends so give it a go!

If i someday decide to try OLD my experience on meetup will definitely help.

Handywoman Sun 18-Oct-15 19:18:52

Oh that goodness for this thread!

Been OLD for 3-4 weeks - finding it hard going already and tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime consuuuuming! Met only one chap who sounded fab online (only messaged a few days) but was actually a total let-down IRL. Yawn!

The rest have been some messages that have fizzled. Two guys atm are messaging pleasantries at a snails pace which is getting frankly boring - it's not real communication is it???? They are strangers after all.... I'm blooming busy and don't have time for it so get frustrated by it.

Do I just need to say something along the lines of 'cut the crap do you wanna meet IRL?'

Hmmmmmmm.... all v bizarre..

violet1300 Sun 18-Oct-15 19:22:16

The thing thats bothering me is how BORING most of the men are. Like, I try not to pay too much attention to the photos because you never know who you will feel chemistry with, but every time somebody sends a message it is just boring, insipid, unexciting and just RUBBISH.

I always make a joke or two, try and sound lively, ask a couple of questions and offer some information about myself when I reply to a message.

Am I expecting too much to want a decent conversation?! and I'm on guardian soulmates which you'd think would be good for that kind of thing!

paulapompom Mon 19-Oct-15 09:54:46

I am just about to try old. I was single while raising my dts (for 18 years ) reconnected with an ex who promised me the world. He cheated and is marrying ow. Just signed up to a (cheapish) paying site. I am glad I found this thread. I am a bit inexperienced (naive and daft) and need some good advice. Watching with interest and will report any developments of my own x

Elliementalmydearwatson Mon 19-Oct-15 11:27:03

I have been OLD on and off for years (mostly off) as I tend to get very disillusioned very quickly with the whole thing.

The most valuable lessons I've learned recently is that I have to work on my boundaries, although I would say I don't really stand for any nonsense anyway. It's OK to say I'm not comfortable with where this is going.
Go with my gut instinct always.
Don't ever assume they are a "nice guy".

WavingNotDrowning Mon 19-Oct-15 11:40:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elliementalmydearwatson Mon 19-Oct-15 11:47:05

I've just read a profile where the man is 49, his age range for potential dates is 30-48!

So he thinks some 30 year old is going to be interested in him??
But he's not prepared to even look at women who match his age?


paulapompom Mon 19-Oct-15 11:52:34

Hmm I have noticed the men look older than their years too. Doesn't bother me, but when they also want younger women, I do wonder...

Elliementalmydearwatson Mon 19-Oct-15 12:09:45

Equally disturbing are the profiles which say the are in their 40s and they barely look like they have started shaving!

Elliementalmydearwatson Mon 19-Oct-15 12:11:09

And don't even get me started on the scammers!

I'm on Match by the way.....

WavingNotDrowning Mon 19-Oct-15 12:40:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elliementalmydearwatson Mon 19-Oct-15 12:47:39

I had a message once from a bloke who said he was " very laid back" (yawn)

When i hadn't messaged him back within the hour he sent another saying how rude and who did I think I was?? grin

paulapompom Mon 19-Oct-15 16:36:20

Laughing (and fearful! ) at some of these dates. Not to derail but how long should it take til your photos can be approved? I am on Genuine Mature Singles and have been waiting 2 weeks for photos to be 'moderated' have emailed them twice, and apparently they will be looked at 'shortly'. : 0 (

kateshair Mon 19-Oct-15 17:38:06

Hi paul not sure how long your pics will take to be moderated but two weeks sounds like too long !
On the site I'm on they are moderates within the hour.

violet yes you might think there would be a more intellectual type in guardian soul mates.. How much does that cost ?

I'm on match.. At the mo there are a few that have caught my eye.. I'm forty and I get a lot of attention from men in there late forties or odd ones in their twenties !! So if I get taking to one my own age I'm happy..

DisillusionedGoat Mon 19-Oct-15 17:45:45

Oh yes, NEVER assume they are nice guys. This is crucial, the minute you do, you relax, boundaries relax, and you're doomed. Guaranteed to get played then ghosted.

DisillusionedGoat Mon 19-Oct-15 17:48:09

However, I think that, with good boundaries and going slow, you sift out many of the sods before you get too attached.

kateshair Mon 19-Oct-15 18:43:55

Such a bloody shame we can't start our very own rouges gallery !!
Save us all a lot of time grin

DisillusionedGoat Mon 19-Oct-15 18:46:58

Sods and odds!

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