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Elderly mum

(3 Posts)
Love2014 Sun 18-Oct-15 06:53:39

My dad died Xmas 2 years ago, he had been ill most of my life. My mum was his main carer and gave up a lot to look after him. Now he's died she has been through a great deal of upset. Was difficult to come to terms with his death, deep down I always dreamed he would get better one day, all the trips to the hospital etc and pressure of supporting him led no where in the end. My mum could have got help but instead just lent on me, now he's died it's really been the same but more so. Her independence has gone quite a lot she wants to see me all the time. When my dad died I did want her to come and live near me, but she wanted to give my little brother a big chunk of the sale of family home, which she did. She then ended up in a static caravan about 2 hrs drive from me near where she's originally from. My partner works shifts 1 week on and 1 week off. She wants to stay with us in our little terrace for the whole of the week he's at work and week after she wants me to stay with her. My partner wasn't too bothered until we found out a month ago I was pregnant, now he wants to spend more time with just us. I have got an older and younger brother but they don't bother with my mum at all and didn't bother with my dad, left it all to me to deal with. Argued with them in past over it, but made no difference so just excepted this now. I think my partner will have her to stay again, but maybe just needs a couple weeks break being just us so we can talk about baby and get used to idea of all that. My mum has a way of making me feel guilty if I don't see her though, last time I weekend I stayed with her, but wasn't feeling too good. wanted to go home early she ran off and hid my plimsols not cos she was worried about me driving, just coz she didn't want to be alone so got really emotional and upset. So ended u staying. I could do with a break though some respite from this backwards and forwards routine along with juggling work and pregnancy. Just don't know how to tell her without her breaking down

Imbroglio Sun 18-Oct-15 10:19:20

I can see why you are upset. What an awful lot of pressure for you.

Don't feel guilty - you are doing more than your fair share by the sound of it.

Your mums situation seems unsustainable as she obviously doesn't want to be on her own.

Is sheltered housing an option near you?

SugarPlumTree Sun 18-Oct-15 10:28:02

You poor thing, that is a lot to deal with flowers I had counselling over the whole elderly parent thing as my Mother was a nightmare. One key question my counsellor asked me was 'is it your guilt to feel?' I use that a lot still and find it helpful to clarify my thoughts.

The sheltered housing suggestion is a good one.

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