Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Who is at fault, in your opinion?

(19 Posts)
ciele Sat 17-Oct-15 21:59:38

Husband has drunk two bottles of wine in two nights. I laughingly called him an alcoholic. He stomped off to bed. Is he? Am I in the wrong to be so insensitive?

loveyoutothemoon Sat 17-Oct-15 22:06:01

Not if it's just two nights, if it's on a regular basis then maybe. What's he like without it? You've posted here so you must think he has a problem.

ciele Sat 17-Oct-15 22:10:02

Without he's a misery.
If he drinks alone he's a misery.
If he's in company he is genial!

ciele Sat 17-Oct-15 22:11:15

i just think his reaction tells me something ...

ARV1981 Sat 17-Oct-15 22:13:39

I don't think it's a case of if you drink x amount of alcohol you're an alcoholic, but rather the way alcohol affects you.

If your dh "needs" alcohol to "function" then he probably is an alcoholic, but if he just fancied wine two nights in a row (although the quantities are excessive here) then he may have a drinking problem but is probably not an alcoholic.

Alcoholism is a disease, having a problem with drink isn't. In either case, it can be very difficult for the people around the person affected - I should know, I was in a (abusive) relationship with an alcoholic for nearly ten years, and it's utterly miserable.

His GP will be able to help, but only if your dh is willing to accept it.

PurpleDaisies Sat 17-Oct-15 22:14:16

Maybe you've touched a nerve? Is anyone he knows an alcoholic?

Is this out of character for him or does he often stomp off? It is difficult to say who is out of order without more details.

ARV1981 Sat 17-Oct-15 22:14:23

Cross post... I suggest he sees his GP.

ciele Sat 17-Oct-15 22:25:58

I have misused the term alcoholic but as you can probably guess the relationship is fraught. We miscommunicate and are totally incompatible. He has low self esteem, we sleep in separate rooms but I am financially reliant on him.
I just wondered if people thought a) this was quite a lot to drink and b) if it was an over reaction on his part or c) lack of sensitivity on mine.
In my mind I said it jokingly but may well have been having a dig...

loveyoutothemoon Sat 17-Oct-15 22:28:03

a) yes b) yes c) no

TokenGinger Sat 17-Oct-15 22:33:04

You've probably just touched a nerve. If I was eating a cake and my partner called me a fatty, I'd probably be a bit sensitive about it. Similar thing.

ciele Sat 17-Oct-15 22:43:34

Token ginger- true!
And love you to moon-thank you. I am very blunt but equally he is very grumpy and can also be insensitive.

wafflyversatile Sat 17-Oct-15 22:48:46

If you're unhappy in the relationship then he probably is too but you are financially reliant on him. You're stuck and so's he. Two bottles of wine is a side issue. What can you do to stop being financially dependent on him?

Boredofthinkingofnewnames Sat 17-Oct-15 22:52:20

I think it's a bigger issue than two bottles of wine, what's his normal relationship with alcohol?

marzipanmaggie Sat 17-Oct-15 23:14:50

Echoing what others have said... It's not the quantities per se that are the problem it's the relationship with alcohol and how it impacts on those around you.

It's possible to be able to drink vast quantities of booze from time to time and not be an alcoholic. My ex is an alcoholic but would rarely have drunk that much. If it's a problem for you then it's a drinking problem -- whether he meets a textbook definition is a red herring.

But the more pressing issue is the fact that you are obviously unhappy with him -- with or without the drunk issue -- and you need to address this.

ciele Sat 17-Oct-15 23:22:13

Thank you. I know the drink is a red herring. I think I am just moaning and groaning as it's easier than anything else.
It's very small fry in the scale of life.
X

IrishDad79 Sat 17-Oct-15 23:28:34

You were "joking" but don't act coy about it, you were getting your little dig in at the same time. It's a passive aggressive technique a lot of people use.

tallwivglasses Sun 18-Oct-15 00:08:09

Is it just you who is financially dependent or do you have dc? What would it take for you to be financially independent?

ciele Sun 18-Oct-15 01:02:08

Irish dad ... Hardly coy if I'm explaining it myself!
I don't want to reveal too much but I can not work and we have dependants.

Phoenix69 Sun 18-Oct-15 06:06:10

I don't think a bottle of wine in an evening is too much in a social setting. A bottle on your own two nights running is excessive but I doubt an alcoholic unless he feels down without booze and needs it.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: