Being Honest

[Lexia123]

I've started a couple of threads recently about splitting with my bf. I have struggled with anxiety since I was 12. I have an anxiety disorder but I don't tell friends, colleagues etc. The only ones who know are my family. I have always managed really well- I have a good job, own my own home, have hobbies, friends and am very sociable etc.

But I never told my bf that I suffer quite badly with anxiety, for fear he would run a mile. Such is the stigma of anything not physical these days. I would still like to tell him, as it would explain a lot of things, and I think that this lack of sharing was a factor in our demise.

Has anybody had any experience of confiding in a partner this way? How did they react? Did they run? I am interested so that I don't repeat my mistakes in the future.

Thank you.

[springydaffs]

Sorry to hear you're facing the end of your relationship Lexia

You could try posting on the mental health form if traffic is a bit slow here?

[springydaffs]

*forum

[ciele]

My husband has drank two bottles of wine, on his own, over two nights. I laughingly called him an alcoholic. He has stormed off to bed. Do you think I am at fault?

[Geraniumred]

I am sorry about your break up. I have panic attacks and have done since I was 18. My close friends, family and work colleagues all know about them as does my husband. When my DH was just a very new bf I told him and he was fine. He has seen me have panic attacks on numerous and sometimes very inconvenient occasions and has always been supportive. I don't really see any reason to hide the fact I have them - lots of people will tell me about either their own struggles with anxiety or that of another friend or relative.
Being vulnerable is being human.

[Joysmum]

Best thing I ever did was confide in my DH about my past as it explained a lot.

[ciele]

Sorry I posted on wrong thread x

[Lexia123]

That's ok x

I wonder whether it's the best thing to confide, post-breakup as it may cement reasons for going separate ways.

[wannabestressfree]

I probably wouldn't unless you were hoping for possible reconciliation and were keen to further explain things. I would just worry to a time when your fragile you may not get the reaction or undestanding you need or deserve....

[ALittleFaith]

Hi Lexia. I have a diagnosis of 'generalised anxiety disorder'. I met DH online and was honest from the start about my issues (it helped that we were essentially strangers talking via messenger to start with). Now I don't know what I'd do without him. He understands what I'm like, he supports me when I need it, he gives me space when I need it, organises me when I'm panicking and gives me a kick up the arse when I need it too!

I've found most people are pretty understanding ok some people are still crap with MH issues and being honest about my issues (not always much detail) has actually helped me.

Re relationships - if a guy does run a mile, he's not a keeper anyway. Alternatively if you're honest and he's supportive, it can only be a good thing! I hope that helps a bit.

[ThisIsStillFolkGirl]

I also have GAD. I don't tell colleagues but my friends know.

The majority of them are living with current/historical MH issues. You might be surprised.

Not sure I'd tell your bf unless you're hoping to sort things out.

And in future, be honest. It's part of who you are. If people don't want to know you because of it, then they're not worthy of you.

[Lexia123]

Thanks Folk Girl. I would like to sort things out, hence the dilemma. If the shoe was on the other foot, I'd just want to give him a hug and tell him I'd help him work through it. But I am worried he might think he's had a lucky escape, yet it would certainly explain the way I acted a lot of the time. But you are right, maybe I need to be more of an open book.

[ThisIsStillFolkGirl]

Well look, this is part of who you are. He knows the symptoms and the behaviours already, he just doesn't know the cause.

If it it were me I'd have already told him I'd sit him down and talk to him about it. How long have you been together?

[Lexia123]

You are right. We've been together 9 months. I wish I had told him straight away, before I developed feelings- that way if he'd have run, I'd be ok. But it's been almost a year of a charade, and it became the elephant in the room. He's been hurt because it took me over six months to allow him to stay over, and it's taken me a long time to let him into my space.

I suppose I'm cautious, but I recognise that he was very patient and most people would have given up before then. But he didn't. But in my defence, I did push through, never cancelled any weekend plans, did things I felt a bit unsure about etc. But he felt quite hurt by me dashing off to get home, in order to retain my control and feel safe I suppose.

I want to let him know how I've struggled, but that it wasn't anything he did, or caused, it was me. And I feel really comfortable with him now- he knows I love him very much but it seems to be too much of a risk to let me show him that I'm ready to let him in...

[Lexia123]

Anybody else? I'm sorry to ask again, but I feel ok-ish one minute and then I feel all panicky and anxious again.