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Talk sense into me...he's not into me, is he?

(82 Posts)
mceesquared Sat 17-Oct-15 15:27:43

We've been seeing each other for a month only, but I feel like I am constantly wondering where I stand. He chased me but since he "got" me, I have felt like he's not that into me and it makes me feel like such an idiot because he didn't come cross as a player at all and I honestly thought he really liked me.

He never phones me, he only texts. I don't think he has ever phoned me.
He replies to all my texts right away but not in a way that rollls conversations along
If I ignore him, he texts me, but only once every couple of days.
He never asks me about my day or my life really or has conversations that seek to get to know me at all.
He never plans dates in advance, it's generally quite last minute
He has plans often on weekend nights with his mates and has never asked me to join him.
After a week of not seeing me he suddenly needs to see me as a matter of urgency. Once he has seen me (ie: shagged me) his need is sorted for another 5 or 6 days.
He seems to be online on whatsapp quite late at night sometimes and he's not talking to me! Talking to other women???
His birthday is next week and he doesn't seem to want to make plans to do something together.

When he was trying to get me to go out with him he was promising weekends away and texting me constantly and talking about romantic things and making an effort and I now feel completely discarded. I am frustrated because I want to talk to him about this but it's hard to when I never see him and we don't talk in between.

We've had four dates in a month, and not talked on the phone at all in that time. Yes, he sometimes does text a lot but it's typically when he's wanting to see me.

I will say to help give the balance there are good things about him...like he is very affectionate and loving, like he doesn't want to leave when he is with me, like I know his friends all know about me, like he is caring about me if i have a worry or a problem I could talk to him, but all of this is just completely ruined by me feeling basically like he doesn;t like me that much.

I want to feel like he's thinking about me. I want to feel like he want to see me as much as he can and not just because he's horny. I want to feel like he wants to get to know me better and find out things about me. I know he wants to take it slow and see what happens but I feel like I can't do that because he's killing off the positive feelings in me by being so cool. He is a shy person and he does keep his emotions close to himself but I feel like I am using that as an excuse in my own head for behavior which is really saying "he doesn't like you enough"

Based on the things I have described he isn't into me is he?

I just feel so bloody upset and i know this is a small thing and only a month long relationship but this is the 12th guy I have dated in two years and each one of them has in some way been a disappointment.

Should I be dumping and moving on here?

Eachleechsparethumb Sat 17-Oct-15 15:31:38

He sounds like he's emotionally unavailable and you are his fall back girl.

loveyoutothemoon Sat 17-Oct-15 15:38:23

Sorry, sounds like he's not into a relationship with you. Be tough and move on.

CheersMedea Sat 17-Oct-15 15:39:31

Read what you have written:

He never plans dates in advance, it's generally quite last minute

He never phones me, he only texts. I don't think he has ever phoned me.

After a week of not seeing me he suddenly needs to see me as a matter of urgency. Once he has seen me (ie: shagged me) his need is sorted for another 5 or 6 days.

I want to feel like he wants to get to know me better and find out things about me

Sorry to say it sounds like you are a booty call to be honest. He probably does like you - but only to have sex with and that's it. There is nothing beyond that here. I would just stop seeing him. If you like him, you'll end up doing that typically female thing of carrying on sleeping with him at his whim in the hope he'll come round and suddenly fall in love with you. He won't.

MaisieDotes Sat 17-Oct-15 15:41:35

I'd say cut your losses and move on.

Thelastthneed44 Sat 17-Oct-15 15:45:25

What Cheers said

FidgetJonesDiary Sat 17-Oct-15 15:46:25

I agree with the others. If it's like this in the first month it doesn't bode well. Get rid and find someone who deserves you.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Sat 17-Oct-15 15:47:29

I think your insticts are probably right sad

Just remember that no one is all bad, there will be some lovely things about him. Bit that doesn't make him right for you. The good things about someone don't automatically cancel out the bad if the bad mean they're treating you disrespectfully and are not really interested. .

ihatethecold Sat 17-Oct-15 15:47:32

He's not into you op.
Sorry.
In the first throws of a relationship he should be making a lot more effort.

mceesquared Sat 17-Oct-15 15:52:00

Thanks everyone for replying. I did know it. I just feel so upset because he is so full of shit. I feel like my feelings have been played with and I'm exhausted from it, tired of feeling used and just feel worth absolutely nothing to the point I can't even be bothered to argue.

I just feel like this was the last one I could cope with and now I'm completely fucking sick of men and want to start to change who I am and become a bitch and stop being so soft and getting mugged off all the time.

loveyoutothemoon Sat 17-Oct-15 15:54:54

Rather than be too upset, just think yourself lucky you've realised and you're not going to take his shit. You don't want someone who can't communicate with you when you want a relationship. You're worth more than that. Be happy on your own for a while and reflect on it.

newstart15 Sat 17-Oct-15 16:12:22

I would turn this around - you don't like the way he does relationships so move on rather than worry if he likes you.I think you want him to be more caring and are blaming yourself for not being loveable rather than him.

Maybe you need to slow down on the physical side of relationships as it might make you feel more involved and therefore hurt when the man doesnt meet expectations.

Look on the positives, you are getting lots of dates just don't commit until you know them better.

CharlotteCollins Sat 17-Oct-15 16:16:24

I can recommend being single if you want to stop and enjoy that for a while?

wickedwaterwitch Sat 17-Oct-15 16:16:25

He's using you for sex - if you're not happy with that, dump him

RoisinIwanttofightyourfather Sat 17-Oct-15 16:18:03

I agree with the above posters.

In your position I would step back a little, tell him what you need. If he doesn't step up, bin him.

He doesn't sound like a keeper.

Caprinihahahaha Sat 17-Oct-15 16:20:16

You don't need to give up on men but you might want to reconsider how you handle things.

You have a list of things he does that you don't like.
But you put up with all of them and have continued to see him and have sex with him entirely on his terms.
You have shown him he can do exactly what he wants and have continued the relationship, getting less and less from it, hoping he will change.

Why don't you decide to stop tolerating the things that piss you off as soon as it happens.
So when new boyfriend doesn't make plans but phones up suddenly wanting to see you (to come over for a shag) say no.
When he stops texting you for days don't text him. If he sends you an abrupt text which makes you think he is shutting down the conversation, call him on it.

You get treated badly and get so hurt because you don't say 'fuck that' at the point at which other women would. So you keep getting involved with fuck monkeys.

AnyFucker Sat 17-Oct-15 16:25:40

You are being mugged off and you know it

mceesquared Sat 17-Oct-15 16:28:39

Caprinin that's really true. I do spend forever trying to amicably figure out the reasons for the behavior which doesn't feel right. I am uually sitting there trying to figure it out, all the while if I bring it up they reassure me and I forget about it and it always turns out my first insinct was right.

Yes, I do know I am being mugged off.

AnyFucker Sat 17-Oct-15 16:35:56

Make it stop then.

Caprinihahahaha Sat 17-Oct-15 16:44:33

I think you need to stop trying to figure it out and just think 'this doesn't work for me'

It's doesn't matter why they are behaving in a way that makes you feel second rate. You just need to decide that you won't accept it.

mceesquared Sat 17-Oct-15 17:10:14

Yes you're right.

Caprinihahahaha Sat 17-Oct-15 17:13:20

Been there, done that.

Oysterbabe Sat 17-Oct-15 17:41:12

You have only had 4 dates. Maybe you're being a bit needy for this stage in the game?
If you want to continue I'd chill out and back right off.

TPel Sat 17-Oct-15 17:44:29

I think it is time to think about why you are so upset when it has only been 4 dates.

Caprinihahahaha Sat 17-Oct-15 17:52:04

Erm , I think she's upset because it's only four date.
Before he apparently wanted to spend all his time with her. Once they shagged she hardly hears from him or sees him. Except when he wants sex.

I think she's got the cut of his jib tbh.

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