Things have sort of come to a head in my marriage and we have had long conversations discussing our problems and issues. One of the things (amongst others) I have problems with is his treatment of me when my DCs were born.
When I had my first baby I had a third degree tear and could barely walk. It was so so painful. Bending, walking or going up the stairs was a struggle. I told him that I wanted to stay at my Mums who could help me and I would have support esp as it was my first time having a baby and also because of my operation. He was adamant that I stay at home and would look after me but I insisted that I really wanted to stay at my Mums. He reluctantly agreed that I would stay at home for a week and then go. He was unhappy with this and began to give me the silent treatment and not speak to me properly. He would be moody and just made me feel guilty for staying with my Mum. I was in hospital for 3 days because baby wasn't feeding well. He would come in and just be moody and give me one word answers and not talk to me at all. He made me feel like crap and I would cry in hospital when the curtains were drawn. I hated when he visited as I was already struggling with feeding baby and was in pain and already had enough on my plate. When I came home, he gave me very little support. He would just drop off the food that my Mum or his mum had made for us and then he would be out all day or play PlayStation at his Mums.
I still could barely walk and was doing everything for baby including some household chores like the washing etc. I particularly remember it being so painful just putting the dryer on but it needed to be done as I was running out of clean clothes for baby. If I called to ask him when he would come he would say in 10 minutes but then come an hour later. He wouldn't speak to me properly and would just give one word answers. He would bang doors and slam things aroud. I was glad to leave to be at my mums but even then he hardly visited or bought anything for baby. My parents would buy the formula. It wasn't much better when I came home and then I fell pregnant with DC2 in a short space of time. This time I didn't go to my Mums as I didn't want to upset him and hence treat me badly again but things weren't much different. If anything, it was much harder as I had 2 babies and the stress of that alone was enough. I think I had PND and looking back at it all brings tears to my eyes. It was around 15m of this before things improved.
So in my talk with him I reminded him of his behaviour and told him that this was a form of abusive behaviour. He said that it wasn't because he didn't actually want to cause any harm to me. It sort of caught me off guard and had me doubting myself.
Am I wrong? I don't want to make it out that it was something more than it actually is.
TIA
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Is this abusive or just him being horrible?
20 replies
WhereAreTheGoodSweets · 16/10/2015 22:24
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elephantoverthehill ·
16/10/2015 22:42
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elephantoverthehill ·
17/10/2015 02:03
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