Do you cut off people who are unkind and spiteful towards you?

[TotallyAnnoyingFamily]

I have just cut off two so-called friends who actually weren't being very nice about me behind my back, and there were a lot of spiteful undertones.

I hung in there, and hung in there, and actually probably made myself look an idiot by putting up with their behaviour.

I have now cut them both off, and actually wish I'd done it ages ago. They are both mums from the school that my DC attend but I have just started saying a polite hello and having nothing more to do with them.

I feel like I have done the right thing but then I often see posts on here saying it's childish to just cut people off but I feel it was the only thing to do to keep my pride, if that makes sense.

[Sighing]

They're not (parents through school) people who you really owe a discussion about what happened etc (though your post makes it unclear). So withdraw at will.

[CocktailQueen]

Not childish at all. Your friendship wasn't working, they weren't behaving like friends - the dignified thing is to say hello but keep your distance. I would do - and have done - the same.

[AnyFucker]

I most certainly do

Why would you not ?

[BrandNewAndImproved]

Yes this year I cut off a very good friend who wasn't really my friend.

I still miss the social aspect we had and all the things we used to do together but fuck that it's not worth holding onto when its fake.

[Doilooklikeatourist]

Yes , I've cut out my spiteful , selfish and unkind sister ( and her even more unpleasant husband )
The weight has lifted from my shoulders
Onward and upward

[Olddear]

Definitely. Who needs people like that in your life? I would get shot of them in a heartbeat.

[MerdeAlor]

Childish to cut people off? I'm intrigued by that.

I choose friends wisely but have cut off all my immediate family because of their abusive behaviour with no regrets.

Yes, keep your pride and your dignity, don't stand for being treated badly.
OP don't give them a second thought.

[goldglittershitter]

Yes - life is too short to deal with childish nonsense. They sound horrible, u did right, OP.

[justwondering72]

Why would you keep people in your life that are unkind to you? You don't have to make a grand gesture to cut them out, you can just return their calls a little less quickly, not jump whenever they suggest a meet up or ask you for a favour. I've never been one for drama or confrontation, but I've certainly distanced myself from people who treated me like crap once too often.

[regretsihaveafew]

Yes I do. I have walked away from more than one person recently as I'm sick to death with people thinking they can do and say anything hurtful they like to me and pick me up, then put me down.

I have a lot of patience and time for people but it's been abused...so no more of it.

I feel free, I feel liberated, I feel at peace, in control of my life, have my dignity, feel peaceful and am not tying myself up in knots to help and/or meet up with those who show me no respect.

Don't waste your precious time on people who make you feel bad OP.

[CherryPicking]

Just curious - would you class mutual friends organising and attending multiple birthday parties and neglecting to invite you spiteful behaviour? Because I've cut out about three friends this year for this. Just wanted to check I wasn't BU

[CainInThePunting]

Well I did, my brother was being unkind and spiteful and I didn't need to ask Mumsnet. Now I'm wondering if I should just apologise (even though I'm not in the wrong) just to make life easier at the moment.
But I always apologise just to keep the peace, this time I don't feel like it.

If I apologise now it's just going to be the same again next time.

[loveyoutothemoon]

No never apologise if you've not done anything wrong. That would be rather silly if he's been unkind and spiteful.

[SoleBizzzz]

Some people wrongly feel it is holding a grudge to cut people out of your life. Usually the doormat types with few boundaries and self respect.

[frigginell]

Yes I do. And in relation to criticism about cutting abusive people off, remember: it furthers the interests of abusive gits to discourage people who espouse cutting out abusive gits. There is a chunk of the population who would be fucked if everybody they treated like crap suddenly told them to fuck off.

[BakeOffBabe]

Yes, quite a few times. 'Friends' should support you and be on your side. Why would you accept any less?

I don't do confrontation though and gradually step away until the relationship fades out.

[LovesPeace]

Absolutely.

I value myself (helped by the fact I'm a loner anyway).

[Jux]

Yes, depending upon circumstances. If they're a long-term friend, then it would be last resort.

[SkandiStyle]

I don't waste my time on people who are petty, spiteful, flakey etc. I don't like people with hidden agendas or like to play mind games.

I don't confront them, I just nod, smile and detatch and keep them very much at arms length.

Life is too short to have negative people in it.

[Muckogy]

i did it.
to a friend who was VERY spiteful and bitter.

and i'm glad i did. no regrets here.

[gamerchick]

Bloody right I do.

Life is far too short to put up with knobs. It gets easier to do once you've started.

[goddessofsmallthings]

I will always cut off anyone who is unkind/spiteful to me, or to others for that matter, and I have no compunction about telling them why I regard them as persona non grata.

[expatinscotland]

Yes, I do.

[Verypissedoffwife]

Yes and until I saw this thread it wouldn't have even occurred to me that this wouldn't be the "done thing". No I wouldn't give an explanation either. Why would you? They've not even asked you directly have they?

Nah fuck 'em. Life's too short and I'm sure you don't have time for such petty crap.

[TotalConfucius]

Yes I do. Nowadays anyway. I started doing it about 8 years ago and I think it was the final stage of my growing up. Ok, I was 39 so it was well overdue.
I've used my withdrawal method (oo-er missus) on friends and also some extended family who brought nothing but stress, drama and negativity into my life. No huge showdowns, just a determined withdrawal.
People can bring me all their stress drama and negativity and unload onto me just as long as it's a two-way street and I can feel they will be there for me when it's my turn. If I don't get that vibe, I'm no longer investing.