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First Date - so many red flags??

(183 Posts)
Elliementalmydearwatson Thu 15-Oct-15 10:49:57

First post so please excuse me I'll try to be brief.

I've been talking to a man I met on Match for about 3 weeks.
He was nice and respectful with no dodgy messages so we started texting, again very nice with just general chit chat throughout the day.

He suggested meeting up for a coffee quite early on and I agreed but for various reasons I couldn't manage until this coming Saturday. However in the meantime he has decided that we have hit it off so well he wanted to take me to dinner. Lovely I think, finally a man who is willing to put some effort into a date!

He texted during the week which restaurant he has booked, confirmed time and asked if I wanted to be picked up, he was even thoughtful enough to say he understood if I wanted to be picked up somewhere neutral not outside my home. Asked me to put on my best dress as he was going to spoil me. All going well.

However last night we speak on the phone, very nice. He was telling me how his son had helped him pick out a smart outfit for his "hot" date on Saturday. Then when I text to say how nice it was to speak to him his replies got very sexual very quickly, followed by a cock pic!!
It was late so I told him I wasn't comfortable with sexting and I thought we should just say goodnight for now.

This morning I get a text apologising saying it was just his hormones getting carried away also he would prefer to cook a meal for me at his place instead of going out confused
I replied I bet you would and, in light of his messages last night, I really wanted to confirm we were on the same page as far as what we hoped would happen between us and he agreed he wanted a relationship with romance and company not just sex.

He then suggested we go for a coffee instead on Saturday night.
Honestly I feel this is a downgrade!!

My thoughts are:
His mask has slipped, he says he wants a relationship but I somehow doubt that!
Coffee is lovely as a first date, but seeing as a restaurant was already booked I feel if I accept this downgrade I'm setting the bar low and saying it's ok to let me down.
This change of heart has come about as I've made it quite clear that sex was something that would only happen once I got to know him.

I've text him saying that disappointed doesn't even cover how I'm feeling just now and I had been so pleased at the effort he had been willing to put into our first date, and this had really set him apart from other men on Match and well now he was more or less saying I wasn't worthy of a proper date.

No reply as yet.

I'm going to say IF he replies just forget it - the whole date has been spoiled for me before we've even met!!

Correct or not? Am I over-reacting?

Reese123 Thu 15-Oct-15 10:54:01

Not to be funny you hardly know him and he's sending you pics like that. I would say go with your gut instinct, which I would think is probably telling you to run a mile - I would.

loveyoutothemoon Thu 15-Oct-15 10:55:22

He's desperate for a shag!

TheJiminyConjecture Thu 15-Oct-15 10:55:31

He sounds like a complete arse. Good for you for having high standards and not dealing with his shit!

ScribblerOnTheRoof Thu 15-Oct-15 10:57:36

A cock pic would be an instant turn off. I bet he was drunk perhaps?

It is disrespectful, you never asked for the photo. Gross. Block and delete

MrsNuckyT Thu 15-Oct-15 10:58:01

I'm sorry, but he sent you a c*ck pic and you're worried about a downgrade to coffee? This guy is a weirdo. Just sack it off and move on. How horrible!

BSites Thu 15-Oct-15 10:58:22

Block at the first sign of any cock picks, would be my advice.

Fugghetaboutit Thu 15-Oct-15 10:59:22

Yes, his mask slipped. He probably never booked the restaurant. Block and move on.

Francoitalialan Thu 15-Oct-15 10:59:25

Short of him having a rucksack full of body parts, I'm struggling to think of a bigger red flag.

Message back with the classic "what is that? Is it a stillborn rabbit?" And then delete.

Cock pictures? Why do they do it???

expatinscotland Thu 15-Oct-15 10:59:38

Get rid of this person now. Just cancel entirely. He's bad news. The 'I'll cook you a meal at my place' would have killed it for me.

PersonalTinsel Thu 15-Oct-15 11:01:53

Your instincts are spot on and you are not overreacting AT ALL! Delete and block without a moment's hesitation.

HelenF35 Thu 15-Oct-15 11:04:49

Having done online dating for a couple of years before I met my partner I would say get rid! Cock pics are a major no no and he sounds like a chancer.

Helmetbymidnight Thu 15-Oct-15 11:05:27

What a tosser. Poor you. Avoid!

SoDiana Thu 15-Oct-15 11:06:04

Men really are led around by their bugeens

ImperialBlether Thu 15-Oct-15 11:06:10

What a sleaze bag this man is. You're so lucky he's shown his true colours so early on.

PersonalTinsel Thu 15-Oct-15 11:06:16

Franci 'what is that? Is it a stillborn rabbit?" Ha ha!
How about 'it's like a willy, but smaller!'
Or 'no thanks, I prefer a size bigger'.

Gutterflower Thu 15-Oct-15 11:08:17

I'd hazzard a guess that there was no restaurant booked!

User543212345 Thu 15-Oct-15 11:09:12

Block at the first sign of any cock picks, would be my advice


BernieBear Thu 15-Oct-15 11:09:13

Definately block. BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK!! x

pictish Thu 15-Oct-15 11:09:14

No GOD NO you are not overreacting. It would have been over at the cock shot for me.
"Wow. Please don't contact me again."

Then he relegates this much puffed up romantic date to getting banged at his place. Fucking hell.
Then just coffee again cos you know...if you're not going to offer up the goods, what's the point.

Can't believe you're even still in contact.
Good day to you Sir, surely?

SurlyCue Thu 15-Oct-15 11:10:30

Why would you even wait for him to 'downgrade' after sending a cock pic? confused you seriously still want to see him after that?

Trills Thu 15-Oct-15 11:12:31

Do you think he ever booked the restaurant?

Or was he always going to amend the invitation to "come round to my place"?

lorelei9 Thu 15-Oct-15 11:15:42

OP "Asked me to put on my best dress as he was going to spoil me. All going well."

um, I have never dated online but I actually see that statement as a red flag, as well as horribly patronising.

I think he set up the whole thing with the intention of just having a shag. Sounds like a plan executed many times.

Norest Thu 15-Oct-15 11:21:26

Yea it kind of sounds like he was up for going to dinner leading to a shag, but only coffee if sex was not guaranteed. I'd tell him to knob off.

CainInThePunting Thu 15-Oct-15 11:23:48

He was full on and really making an effort to get a shag; restaurant, best dress, going to spoil you then he finds out its not on the cards and he has cooled off.
Yes, you have been downgraded.
Yes, you should block him.

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