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Can someone please tell me how to 'go with the flow?'

(4 Posts)
Ladylouanne Mon 12-Oct-15 21:35:18

I've posted on here in the last few months for advice as to how to get closer to a man I've met. All great advice, basically advising me to keep in touch via a mutual interest. This we both did for a couple of months - regularly messaging, meeting up on our own a couple of times and always having a lovely time.

Anyway, fast forward to the the last fortnight where things have moved on a fair bit and we quickly went from a friendly peck on the cheek to full on snog quickly followed by all the rest. It was all lovely - we've spent a couple of nights together (we live a bit of a distance apart so only at weekends), he has been absolutely lovely and attentive throughout.

The problem is that I just can't relax into it and let things take their course, whatever that might be. I came out of a long marriage a few years ago that was unhappy for many years and I can't shake the constant anxiety that something is going to go wrong. I overthink things, and while I am really relaxed in his company, I'd hate him to know how much time I spend playing things over in my head, worrying about what might happen etc. For e ample, I worry about whether I should text him, or if I'm texting more than him, what if overdo it etc etc etc..

Does anyone have any techniques that can help me change my thought processes on this? I've been through enough to know that if it doesn't last then I can survive on my own, however I seem to have got myself into a complete state over this man!

Disorderedthought Mon 12-Oct-15 21:41:42

I was a bit like this when I met DH. I forced myself to reign in the anxiety as much as I could by telling myself that it was a good sign that I felt anxious and it meant I wanted the relationship to work (I hadn't felt this in previous relationships)
Eventually as trust and intimacy developed total relaxation into the relationship gradually occurred. I can't really give much more advice other than if it's right, time will help a lot and there's not much you can do to speed the process up.
I also found a CBT book quite helpful when I was needlessly worrying/overthinking.

Ladylouanne Mon 12-Oct-15 22:01:23

Thanks disordered. It's just so frustrating isn't it? I think for me, it stems from being in an unhappy arraign and almost creating an expectation in my mind that another problem was just round the corner. That way, I was sort of prepared if you know what I mean? However, that then makes it difficult to trust.

The irony is that as I've been mumsnetting, he's sent me a couple of daft texts that he didn't need to so he's obviously thinking about me

Ladylouanne Mon 12-Oct-15 22:05:26

That's unhappy marriage obviously!

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