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bumped into nc family

(3 Posts)
Dontunderstand01 Mon 12-Oct-15 15:36:19

My SIL chose to go nc with my dh and their dad (their parents split a long time ago). She was going through a v.difficult time and cut a lot of people put of her life and moved to 'start over'. I still see dmil and always ask how dsil is, I buy gifts for my dn and ask after them too.

I live in town A, dmil and dsil live in town b. At the weekend I went to town c, close ish to me but about an hour away for dsil. So I was quite stunned to bump into her dc in the park there! Her kids seemed pleased to see us but dsil has made very very clear she does not want me "interfere with her life" - her words. I asked how they were, and asked them to let dsil know I was there (along with my dc, dh, and dfil) and asked her to pass on our gd wishes. They went inside (a friends house) for a bit. They came out but kept their distance.

We are now being criticised for not playing with /talking to dn more. I am so upset- I wanted nothing more than to do talk to them but I presumed because dsil stayed inside and the kids didn't come back that they didn't want to or weren't allowed to talk to us. My dsil in the past has been very aggressive and verbally abusive so I didn't push it in the park lest it cause a scene.

So my dn are upset, dsil ia even more madder with me, and I am upset to miss out on talking with my dn. No one has mentioned that my dsil has effectively snubbed by dc though... This is just a mess! Any advice? I appreciate I have gone about it all wrong but it was from good intentions.

honeyroar Mon 12-Oct-15 18:41:24

It doesn't sound as though you did anything wrong. You sound as though you love them and try hard to stay in touch.

I would send a card saying you loved seeing them and would love a proper relationship with all of them. Ignore the criticism for now. It sounds as though you're walking on eggshells.

Dontunderstand01 Mon 12-Oct-15 19:04:45

That's definitely how it feels. MIL has been sending messages to other family members about it all and making comments on social media. We haven't said or done anything in return.

Writing to them sounds like a good idea, I just hate the thought of hurting dn 's. They've been through a lot.

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