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What does my NC mother want from me?

(6 Posts)
Workingprogress Sun 11-Oct-15 15:21:56

New posters, regular lurker, Here goes. I've been nc from my mother for just over two years now, the relationship became really toxic and I wanted no part of it. We've never had a great relationship to beginning with, I never grew up with her and was brought up by my grandmother and aunt. Over the last 10 years we've been trying to forge some kinda of relationship but it's been challenging. She's stopped contacting me several times before and I've always been the one to extend the olive branch, though I've always resented doing this as I feel she's the one that should make the first move. For example when I was 4 months pregnant with my daughter she nc me because I said something to her on the phone she didn't like, I didn't hear from her again until I gave birth and contacted her out of respect to give her the good news. To cut a long story short we fell out again just over two years and I have heard from her until I get a birthday card from her last week (birthday is next week) since we haven't spoken I've had two birthdays and she's never sent a card/ text/ email nothing so why now? Card say 'dearest daughter love mother'.
I'm not sure how to respond to this,is she doing it for a clear conscience, should I even care why she's doing it? Should I respond? Or continue nc

Kr1stina Sun 11-Oct-15 15:24:38

What she wants is to treat how how she likes and for you never to complain .

What do YOU want ? How is your life without her in it ?

Workingprogress Sun 11-Oct-15 15:28:26

Great, like a weight has been lifted offy shoulders, until I received the card I never thought about her

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 11-Oct-15 15:28:46

Do not respond to this at all. That card was not sent out of any real concern for your wellbeing. This is called hoovering; toxic people often do such stuff to try and draw their adult child back into their world of dysfunction and is an attempt for her to gain control over your behaviour. They just want to keep you around to feed on emotionally, and when you decide to go no contact, they don’t plan on letting you get away that easily.

Any contact from you is the reward; she will then bother you even more.

She was not a good parent to you and she will not be a decent grandparent figure to your child. It is NOT your fault she is the ways she is. Her own family of origin did that.

You are no contact for very good reason; maintain this stance.

Workingprogress Sun 11-Oct-15 15:31:10

Attila, you sum it up perfectly- that's exactly what I believe, she's just trying to draw me back into her toxic web. Thank you

Kr1stina Sun 11-Oct-15 15:49:30

Great, like a weight has been lifted offy shoulders, until I received the card I never thought about her

There's your answer then .this is not an attempt at reconciliation. It's to try and control you again by making you feel guilty . Fear , obligation and guilt - the weapons of toxic parents

Do nothing .

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