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Help: Break Up Hell

(10 Posts)
kumarmum79 Fri 09-Oct-15 16:19:31

I don't know why I am posting but I think I need my hand held.

I broke up with my husband six months ago. He attempted suicide to prevent me going. I still left.

Now going through with the divorce. Fine with me.

But its as if he can't accept it. He finds ways to contact me every week. Specifically every weekend, so that he finds out what I'm doing, or if I'm in, or he's asking people what I'm doing.

I'm finding it creepy now. I mean, I am getting worried about his behaviour. I haven't spoken to him directly in months and I get more and more indirect contact. The neighbours telling me odd things about me that he's said, him acting all concerned for my welfare.

He's under investigation by SS for some bad behaviour towards the kids which I can't talk about but I feel I will never be free. He's determined for me to know that he's there, even when I've cut off all contact. No email, facebook, whatsapp... new trick is getting things "accidentally delivered to the house".

Has anyone got through this or is standard crazymaking - he seems obsessed now. Did you get through it and how?

fusspot66 Fri 09-Oct-15 16:22:56

I'd have a chat with the local DV police team. He is stalking you.

kumarmum79 Fri 09-Oct-15 16:55:59

I feel incredibly nervous - police aware and I can call them any time but its not a good feeling.

kittybiscuits Fri 09-Oct-15 16:59:29

That's exactly how he wants you to feel! His behaviour is absolutely enough to report to the police.

kumarmum79 Fri 09-Oct-15 17:10:15

They are already investigating him - but its god awful feeling in the interim. I feel under siege.

It's all, I just need to talk to you. He doesn't really want a divorce, I suspect, just wants me back under the thumb.

pocketsaviour Fri 09-Oct-15 17:10:51

Is he having contact with your DC? Presumably not if he's being investigated.

Start making a log of all of these incidents. Call the police on 101 and let them know what's been going on, and that you're concerned for your and the kids safety. Ask them if he could be charged with harassment (I don't know what the thresholds are but it sounds like he's done enough.)

In the meantime, can you speak to all of your neighbours who you think he might approach, and let them know what the situation is? And ask them to report to you if he contacts them. Are you working? if so is your employer aware of what's going on?

pocketsaviour Fri 09-Oct-15 17:12:03

Sorry x-post. Glad the police are already involved, but keep logging incidents as it will all help if he is taken to court. It will also help with getting legal aid for divorce, and in building a case that you don't have to attend mediation.

kumarmum79 Fri 09-Oct-15 17:15:24

Employer well aware and they're good. Not worried about that.

Neighbours no longer talking to him I think - a bit weirded out by him themselves.

petalsandstars Fri 09-Oct-15 17:26:16

I'd also refuse to accept any accidental deliveries in future.

NumbBlaseCold Fri 09-Oct-15 19:01:15

I am sorry this man is upsetting you like this.

He sounds very stalking and it is likely a method to control you.

Can you contact the delivery companies in your area- DHL etc.

Tell them you want not deliveries to your house and why.

Put a note on your door to explain you have made no deliveries and that someone is fraudulently using your address so none knock and deliver.

If you get on well with neighbours it may be worth saying to them the truth about his stalking, they may steer even more clear.

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