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Been dumped - feel very panicky at everything

(25 Posts)
feelingsickandpanicked Fri 09-Oct-15 11:31:31

How do you ever get rid of that sick, nauseous feeling when someone dumps you? I love him so much, more than I can ever describe and now it's over and I'm being sick and feel like I can't breathe. Does this feeling ever go? All the plans I had for our future are just gone like that and I feel so worthless and shitty. I don't want to tell anyone but will have because something is obviously wrong with me. I can't face their pity. I can't even face myself right now sad.

Clarentine Fri 09-Oct-15 11:52:38

I know this sounds a bit of a trite answer but you just need time. You won't feel like this forever. Unfortunately there's no fast route through this grieving period (because you are grieving for the lost relationship). My advice is to keep your dignity as that will be a great consolation and source of strength to you in days to come. Do not contact him or her, or reveal any emotional reaction to their dumping you to them. Fake it until you make it. Of course you can admit your real feelings of devastation to close family and friends, or a counsellor if needed, but for everyone else stay very factual and upbeat. Pretend you've accepted it even if you haven't. The sick, panicked feeling will pass. I had it very bad and it passed for me, so I know what I'm talking about! To be honest, the best cure I've found is to develop feelings for someone else! I am NOT talking about a rebound relationship, by the way. I've just found that's when you really realise you've moved on, when a couple of years later you start liking someone else and don't think about the old person any more. To be brutally honest, is the person who dumped you really all that great? I know you think they are, but if they were that great, they wouldn't have dumped you! That's how I see it anyway. I know everyone always thinks their loved one is a special case, not like most people, but I find blanket statements quite helpful. Is any man or woman really worth making yourself ill over? I think not. If it helps, just tell yourself that they are for sure not sat at home crying! (Or even if they are, you've no way of knowing that). So why on earth should you?

Chin up, take care, you'll get through it!

feelingsickandpanicked Fri 09-Oct-15 12:00:48

Thank you Clementine, I think I'm suffering from limerence or something because I can't think clearly. I don't recognise myself or this state of mind. Can I just ask how long it took for this feeling to pass with you? I realise it's different for everyone, just so I have a rough estimate sad

Joopy Fri 09-Oct-15 12:10:57

The feelings go, it's horrible at first. I just wanted to cry and I had to keep working with him and seeing him everyday. I called my mum or my sister every morning to get through for at least a week. I then moved away so I was able to cut all ties with him. Looking back he did me a favour, we weren't right for each other and I knew it, all my friends knew it, he knew it.
Keep busy, call up your friends, go out flowers

Clarentine Fri 09-Oct-15 12:18:39

For me I started recovering after about 3-4 months.

I was on medication though, anti depressants and also initially two weeks supply of sleeping pills until the anti depressants (Sertraline) kicked in. I was offered a sick note but continued going to work - I didn't have a stressful job though, and took about 3 or 4 days off sick self-certified (not all at once, I had times when I went home early because I couldn't stop crying). I lost over a stone in weight at this time. He dumped me (it was an online relationship only) in early April 2013 and around August/September time I started feeling better. I still wasn't 100% but a lot better. I got worse before I got better. Though he dumped me in early April I was probably at my worst in May, although the initial pacing/physical throwing up/scared to be on my own stage passed in about a week or two after the dumping. The crying, numb, depressed stage was somehow worse though. Now though I don't think of him at all and if I do it's only to think of him as an evil twat!

feelingsickandpanicked Fri 09-Oct-15 12:19:42

Thanks Joopy. I'm sorry you had to work with him, that must have been really really hard. I think what's making it so difficult for me is that I thought he was right for me and I'm struggling to see how I'll ever be happy with anyone else. I don't even know where I'll meet anyone else.

Clarentine Fri 09-Oct-15 12:20:19

Just to clarify I don't know if they were actual sleeping pills as I can't remember the name, they were to help me sleep as I was falling asleep easily but waking up early and suffering terrible nightmares before I starting taking them. I don't think they were sleeping pills per se as I had no trouble coming off them, however my GP did try to get me off them asap and I'm glad I only took them for a week or so.

feelingsickandpanicked Fri 09-Oct-15 12:31:33

Thank you Clarentine your message, sorry for spelling your name wrong up thread, autocorrect on my phone. I'm glad you've come out the other end. I may book a trip to the GP soon if this doesn't ease off, I don't feel well in my head at all.

CarnivalBearSetFree Fri 09-Oct-15 13:53:40

How long were you together? I'm going through a break up and felt the same as you described in your OP but as time has passed I no longer feel like that. I still have a lot of love for him but I don't feel lost anymore. It's been a month, we were together for 4 and a half years. It does get better, join a new club or something to take your mind off it, I've found that helps.

feelingsickandpanicked Fri 09-Oct-15 14:03:01

About 3 years Carnival. Oh that's good. I have my hobby which I could do more, that keeps me going. Just spoke to my mum, she said I didn't need this shit and I was strong and she'd help me. I'm so thankful to her.

brokenhearted55a Fri 09-Oct-15 14:08:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

feelingsickandpanicked Fri 09-Oct-15 14:13:11

That's awful broken, sorry to hear that. I'm not at work today so have taken the dogs out and am sat in the middle of a field practising breathing techniques, I feel a bit calmer.

loveyoutothemoon Fri 09-Oct-15 14:33:19

I was dumped and felt exactly the same as you a few years ago, I didn't know what to do with myself. After 3 weeks I decided it was for the best and was able to move on.

feelingsickandpanicked Fri 09-Oct-15 15:56:39

That's good to hear love. I hope I have a moment of clarity too. Right now I just cant understand it, it's so out of the blue.

Princesspond Fri 09-Oct-15 16:32:51

Many years ago I was dumped out of the blue (for someone else) it coincided with me moving to a different town. It was an awful time, very similar feelings to grieving. I'd open my eyes in the morning and all would be fine for 30 secs until the reality hit me like a brick. I was a mess. Unfortunately you just have to go through the awful feelings and deal with them and gradually, with time, you will feel better.

Probably took me around 3 months to start feeling more like me (although still sad). Two things kept me going - I wouldn't let him know how sad I was and no way would I beg or cry to get him back (prob helped that this was before everyone had mobiles!) Secondly thinking this was for a reason there's something / someone better out there.

Three years is a long time, be kind to yourself it will take time, be grateful for your lovely mum and dogs they will no doubt be there for you flowers

Kinsman Fri 09-Oct-15 16:43:46

So much good advice already that I've got nothing more to add. Be kind to yourself, imagine what you would tell a friend if this had happened to them and say it in the mirror as often as you need to hear it. Unfortunately it's always harder when you're the one that's been left. flowers but it will pass.

PushingThru Fri 09-Oct-15 19:24:05

Most of us who have hearts & know how to use them have experienced the gut wrenching sadness of break ups. It's really not a linear process. It won't feel as awful as it does now in time, but there will be ups & downs: anger, despair, sadness, but it fades. Human beings can't really keep up this state of high emotional alert for long; it burns itself out, fades, sparks up again over a memory, fades again & is gone for good in time.

feelingsickandpanicked Fri 09-Oct-15 19:24:26

On Princess it's awful isn't it sad. No I didn't beg, I cried but I couldn't help it. I said that was his choice and I couldn't change his mind. His reason for breaking up with me was that he was too 'selfish' (his words) to dedicate any time to me and just wanted to go out about with his mates (which he did anyway confused). I said I felt sorry for him that he was so selfish and that one day I looked forward to being with someone who wanted to spend time with me. Then he left and I cried like a baby when he'd gone ha.

Thank you Kinsman xx

feelingsickandpanicked Fri 09-Oct-15 19:28:44

Most of us who have hearts & know how to use them

How apt Pushing, I don't think he knew how to use his. But that's reassuring thank you, already I feel burnt out and so exhausted. And just sad.

PiazzaDelPoppolo Fri 09-Oct-15 19:30:22

Sorry OP flowers

It hurts almost like a physical pain doesn't it? Best to take one day at a time. Be kind to yourself and remember the best healer is time. People can and do get through a lot worse. In a few weeks things will feel better I'm sure.

fusspot66 Fri 09-Oct-15 20:05:54

Sounds like you held your head high.

ShutYerCakeHole Fri 09-Oct-15 21:13:25

Sorry OP cake it is grim. No wonder you feel exhausted, that feeling takes up every waking second doesn't it. Sounds like you did v well keeping your shit together to his face, you will always be glad of that.

Echoing what others have said, esp Pushing, it won't last, not at this intensity. If I could give any advice, find something new to occupy your mind, a new hobby, learn something... you'll find you have periods of time when you don't think of him at all, over time those periods will get longer and longer.
Good luck to you

Princesspond Sat 10-Oct-15 12:41:31

Sounds like you were very dignified, well done. Actually more dignified than me I just remembered there was a slightly desperate incident of pity sex (in my situation). I regretted that.

Hang on in there, it does get better and it's hard to be rational now and you can only see the good points of the relationship. Also the shock doesn't help when the break up comes from seemingly nowhere (to you).

I honestly think it made me stronger as a person although I did feel quite guarded before falling in love again, I guess that was a protective mechanism.

stoppingbywoods Sat 10-Oct-15 13:33:22

flowers I don't think he sounds like The One and you'll probably think that fairly quickly too.

I had a break-up that left me in pieces once. My BMI went down to 18, I required medical intervention and even had a hallucination (apparently this is not at all unusual in the grieving process). It was dreadful but I do look back now and wonder why I was so sad. He wasn't really very nice to be with. I have children now and am glad he isn't their father.

It's horrible though. I have so much sympathy.

feelingsickandpanicked Sat 10-Oct-15 21:36:01

Thank you everyone. And about the shock Princess I still can't understand it sad. I just feel bewildered, I've looked back on our texts and they're chatty and happy. Thursday night was fine, he came to mine early after work yesterday and just said it was over.

stopping I hope I realise that soon. It sounds silly but I'd planned everything in my head and now I just feel so stupid. I'm sorry to hear you lost so much weight, it's awful isn't it? Every bite of food I est just turns to shit in my mouth, just having lots of tea/water and not that worried because I have a bit to lose anyway. So cliched but I found one of his jumpers and it had his smell and it physically made me feel sick. Bleurgh, having an early night and another busy day tomorrow.

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