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had enough ? aibu

(15 Posts)
lilybetsy Thu 08-Oct-15 16:39:23

my dp (of 5 years) does not work, and has not for 5 years. he does not claim benefits. rather I support him 100% as he has no income. at all. he is supposed to be starting a business but as yet there is no income. I cant afford this - I am in debt. He wont marry me so I am just girlfriend. I think i have had enough. then I feel guilty. but he should support omself financially right ? we dont have kids together and he is not a stay at home partner doing all the housework etc

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Thu 08-Oct-15 16:41:43

shockfive years? YANBU!

KinkyAfro Thu 08-Oct-15 16:42:24

one word - cocklodger

Dump his arse

category12 Thu 08-Oct-15 17:18:17

Ain't it grand you're not married? Bin him off while your entanglements are relatively low.

He'll probably offer marriage and babies if he realises his meal ticket is leaving, but don't believe he'll change, he's had five years.

Friendlystories Thu 08-Oct-15 17:26:50

You're not the one who should be feeling guilty, he is. It doesn't demonstrate a fat lot of respect for you or himself to sit back and let you support him, I think you're probably worth a bit more than that don't you? He should want to be an equal in your relationship and if he hasn't made the effort in five years any promises he makes now in response to you maybe threatening to dump him are too little too late really. I would walk away while you still can but ultimately it has to be your decision.

Cabrinha Thu 08-Oct-15 17:29:26

Well thank fuck you're not married to him!

lilybetsy Thu 08-Oct-15 17:33:58

i feel like maybe I shoud give him one last chance, he has nowhere to go. Then I feel really really angry and think how may chances I have given him, and how much TV he watches while I go to work every day ... and I feel like I have done enough. Then I think that if I cut back I COULD afford to support him a bit longer. Then I think WHY should I cut back to support him ? why shoud my kids go without so i can pay for an able bodied man ?

mrstweefromtweesville Thu 08-Oct-15 17:35:30

as called above, cocklodger!
sack him.
today would do fine. no rush. before midnight, eh?

mrstweefromtweesville Thu 08-Oct-15 17:36:08

what? last chance? why? he's had five years of opportunity!

mrstweefromtweesville Thu 08-Oct-15 17:38:42

you mean, you have children from a previous relationship, and your time, love, money and effort which could be going to them is going to a lazy arse git who contributes nothing other than housework? how much childcare is he doing? is he, in fact, your 'wife', in the traditional sense - you support him because he's supporting the family by his domestic activity?

lilybetsy Thu 08-Oct-15 17:50:10

no mrstweet he does little in the way of housework /domestic chores. he is 'busy working' - which involves a lot of watching the TV and drinking with friends

Joysmum Thu 08-Oct-15 17:51:58

While would you think you're being unreasonable confused

Joysmum Thu 08-Oct-15 17:52:07


goddessofsmallthings Thu 08-Oct-15 18:24:26

You've supported him for 5 years? Think what you could have done with the money you've spent keeping him in a style to which he rapidly became accustomed.

You could have had some awesome holidays with your dc or saved the money to put one or more of them through university.

Don't you feel demeaned by paying him for his sexual services? You arent getting anything else out of him unless he's got some ornamental value but I very much doubt it as, from what you've said he's more cocklodging bellend than bookend.

There's no reason why he should be in your home setting an appalling example to your dc for another 5 minutes. Tell him to leave immediately. He can doss with one of those pals you pay him to drink with and arrange to collect whatever belongings he can't carry at a date and time to suit you. Don't forget to get his doorkeys off him before goes or you'll have to change the locks after he's gone.

After he's gone don't give a second's thought as to where he'll go/how he's faring as his type always land on their feet and there's no shortage of women who've got 'mug' stamped on their foreheads much like you had when you met him.

He certainly saw you coming, honey, and now it's time for you to --kick his idle arse out- speed his going.

HustleRussell Thu 08-Oct-15 18:24:55

The guy is a twat. People have responsibilities including him and should not expect anyone to support them.

Kick him out, close the door and find someone who has half a brain.

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