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To date or not to date...

(18 Posts)
Curlywurlysue Tue 06-Oct-15 19:31:00

I've been on a couple of a dates with a guy who is nice enough, he was kind and polite on our dates but there wasn't a massive spark between us from my side. He's been pretty keen and messaging me quite a lot asking for another date but I told him I wasn't sure that it was going anywhere and we should just leave it as a friendship. He's still trying to convince me to see him again, saying that I am his ideal woman and tick all of his boxes. (Sorry if that sounds big headed - I am under no illusions that I am perfect! Far from it grin )

I'm sort of being convinced to see him again just to see if anything develops but am I wasting both of our time? We had a perfectly fine time together previously but I'm just not really bothered about seeing him again. Do you think it's possible that something will develop over time or should I knock it on the head now? Can't decide whether I'm being too picky - I am not Goodbar relationships and tend to go for the wrong type of guy so I think I'm trying to judge it more with my head than my heart but is that a good idea?? Sorry if I'm rambling, any advice would be great! I would really like to find somebody to settle down with, especially with the old body clock ticking, but is that the wrong way to be looking at it?

Curlywurlysue Tue 06-Oct-15 19:32:34

Sorry that should read "not good at relationships"

loveyoutothemoon Tue 06-Oct-15 20:19:10

It might have happened to other people before, but normally, if it's not there after the first meet it probably won't ever be. Say that there isn't any chemistry/spark. He may then take you seriously.

BrandNewAndImproved Tue 06-Oct-15 20:31:58

Did you want to kiss him, did you kiss him and feel quite happy for it to end or does the thought turn your stomach?

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Tue 06-Oct-15 20:37:31

The very fact he's not listening to you and dismissing what you're saying is reason enough to not see him again tbh.

niceupthedance Tue 06-Oct-15 20:50:23

I think if you're not feeling it after two dates then park it.

Curlywurlysue Tue 06-Oct-15 21:09:09

Thanks for the replies. We have kissed and it was fine, didn't set me on fire but not bad either which is pretty much my opinion on the whole thing... I just can't make my mind up either way which is strange for me!! I'm tempted to give it another shot and see if anything is really there?!

Eveysdad Tue 06-Oct-15 21:28:25

I'd wonder what would happen if you have another date, its "meh" (for the lack of a better term) and you're in the same situation? Then there always the chance you might meet someone that does spark? You may jeopardise that because you're with Mr Meh.

Personally, I'd be honest with him and tell him theres no spark etc. Oh and if he doesn't stop messaging etc, block him. smile might go from Mr Meh to Mr Creepy Stalker. Lol

newnamesamegame Tue 06-Oct-15 22:27:50

I think chemistry can build -- it doesn't necessarily have to be pants on fire at the first meeting. But there does need to be at least a sense of curiosity and interest.

But you don't sound particularly interested in him or particularly inclined to spend time with him which doesn't bode particularly well. Does he make you laugh? Do you enjoy talking to him?

If he were not so raging keen I would say take it slowly, give it another couple of shots and see where it goes.

But it does sound as if there's a big mismatch between your expectations -- he's really up for it and you're not, at this point. Maybe one more date, tell him to relax and chill and see where that goes.

But the bottom line is that you can't build a relationship with someone because your body clock is ticking and he's polite.

Curlywurlysue Wed 07-Oct-15 22:03:20

Ok thank for the advice, I've told him more firmly that I'm not interested!! I think I just worry that I won't meet that someone special and that I don't want to be alone forever, but really it would probably be worse to be with the wrong person forever! He told me that it's gonna be hard for him to get over it, and he's never liked somebody else this much. Is that just weird after only a few meetings or could we really feel that differently about the experience? I feel like we're quite different and don't have the same sense of humour.. So odd that it meant that much to him?

pocketsaviour Wed 07-Oct-15 22:49:59

He told me that it's gonna be hard for him to get over it, and he's never liked somebody else this much.

Totally inappropriate - I was already in agreement with FolkGirl above re him totally ignoring your "no". Now he's added what's effectively love-bombing - telling you "you're the one" after a handful of dates and not even a shag. Two bloody great crimson flags there, you're well out of this one.

Curlywurlysue Fri 16-Oct-15 14:09:02

You were spot on about the red flags pocket

After I told him I definitely didn't want to see him again he kept pestering me to meet up and I started to get annoyed that he wasn't accepting no for an answer. I tried to just ignore him so that he would get bored and leave me alone but he kept messaging and trying to make me feel guilty, asking if we can be friends, and sharing memes in Facebook about getting hurt, missing people, etc. obviously aimed at me. Just over the top!! So I removed him as a friend and then he was messaging me (all on Facebook, luckily I didn't give him my number) saying how I've kicked a man when he's down, he's so hurt blah blah blah... I told him this was really creepy, he barely knows me, I'm not interested and leave me alone.

Last I heard from him was yesterday and I didn't reply. Today I have a friend request from some bloke, I didn't recognise the name. I messaged him to ask if I know him and he claims he was in school with me. I don't recognise him at all so was already suspicious and asked how he knows me etc, then he mentioned a couple of my friends names - obviously trying to make it seem more genuine - except he named somebody who went to a different school! I'm pretty sure it's this guy and I'm getting really creeped out now. What is the point of the fake profile?? I haven't added him but I'm scared to call him out on it because I'm not sure what he's capable of. I haven't blocked his real profile on Facebook because I'm scared he will just turn up at my house if he can't contact me. Really not sure how to deal with this, any advice??

whatsforsupper Fri 16-Oct-15 16:25:11

Id send him one last message along time lines of I know its you this is harassment I'm reporting you to the police.

I'm sure in his mind(The key being his mind) he thinks he's doing nothing wrong, in reality its close to stalking.

Hopefully, that will stop him. If he does continue ,you are with in your rights to contact the police and ask them to have a word with him.

mysteryknickers Fri 16-Oct-15 17:03:54

Please block him (and the fake profile him).
Keep your doors locked and if he turns up phone for help.
Hopefully he will get the message but the police will support you, as whatsforsupper says.

Angry for you, he has no right to make you feel like this.

Shinyhappypeople9 Fri 16-Oct-15 17:04:09

Usually completely ignoring is the best option. He sounds like a fucking right tool!!

Curlywurlysue Fri 16-Oct-15 17:53:55

He is a bloody tool, can't believe I was actually contemplating seeing him again!! I've messaged the fake profile back saying that I know it's him, leave me alone because I'm not interested, and if he contacts me again I will inform the police. And also that he needs to grow the fuck up. He has just replied saying pardon?? So obviously still trying to pretend it's not him, but it definitely is. I haven't blocked him because I'm scared if he can't message me he will come and find me in person but hopefully that will be the end of it.

Now looking back I'm seeing things he said in a different light - his ex doesn't let him see his daughter very much and when she does it's her mother that supervises contact so I imagine he's acted really badly towards the ex and maybe been a bit stalkery too because she doesn't want him to know where he lives.

I live in a small town so very likely I will bump into him somewhere, really hope he doesn't try to talk to me! Flipping online dating, why do I manage to find all the weirdos??

ThreeRuddyTubs Fri 16-Oct-15 17:57:49

What a fucking weirdo. Next time trust your instincts and if you don't want to see him again don't feel like you have to give it another shot just because they're pressuring you. No means no!

whatsforsupper Fri 16-Oct-15 19:16:37

Don't engage any further by telling him to grow you are leaving room for him to come back to you with a question which is what he wants.

I suspect if you ignore him he will get bored.

On the off chance he does contact you again contact the police.

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