Smothered by my mother

[midlifehope]

I feel very ungreatful for even posting this, but my mother has been staying at our house for 1 month, from my due date to now, 12 days post c section. She has been helpful and done housework and generally helped out. But I have had limited time to be alone with my family, and have felt a bit suffocated. She got very offended when I said I didn't need her anymore and could manage, insisting that I can't because dp is away a few days. But I now feel fit and well. She has parked her caravan in the campsite behind our house, but is afraid to sleep there alone. Last week she also brought my uncle with mental health problems to stay. She brought him to the hospital the day I gave birth. I feel like she has a hard time understanding my personal boundaries and my need for space and bondjng with my own family. But she takes great offence if I hint at wanting to be independent now...... Feel like screaming!!!

[SeaCabbage]

Never hint. Always state clearly and calmly what you want. No explanations. No need to be nasty, just ask her to leave as you are ok now. And don't take no for an answer. Good luck.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Does your dm look like Julie Walters in Dinnerladies?

When is your dp back? If it's in a couple of days time it seems to me you can make it clear to your dm that you expect her to leave when he returns without causing undue offence.

If all else fails, you'll have to sit her down and say 'l'm so appreciative of all you've done to help out over the past month - thanks to you I've recovered quickly and I now need time alone with dp and pfb. Text me to let me know you've got home safely and I'll call you in a few days time' or some such.

If that doesn't work, you'll need to use blunt force words to shift her and console yourself afterwards with the thought that she brought it on herself.

With regard to your uncle (her db?), she has taken liberties in inviting him to stay in your home without your knowledge or permission. Is he staying in your house? If so, why can't he stay in the caravan?

[mrstweefromtweesville]

As a mother who often gets things wrong, I second the advice to 'Never hint, always state clearly and calmly...'

Just say and get it done. So much better than letting resentment build.

I think inviting her brother to stay in your house and to visit you in hospital were way out of line, by the way. Ridiculous.

Now, I'm saying this for your own good - grow a pair and tell your mum its time to go home.