Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I want to be good on my own, tips and advice pls

(6 Posts)
HuckfromScandal Sun 27-Sep-15 15:33:00

So, having been single for almost 5 years, I met someone on OLD, and we went out for 5 months.

However - a massive red flag led to a long discussion about compatibility, and I ended it, even although I had really strong feelings for him.

I feel quite devastated and am struggling to get to grips with being single again! Strangely I appear to be mourning the loss of my relationship from 5 yrs ago, (8 yr relationship, love of my life, I ended it, due to alcohol problem).

I am surrounded by friends, run, cycle, our most nights.
And yet today - although it is beautiful out there I can't even find the energy to dress.

Help me wise ones.
I need to get used to the idea that I can and will be OK by myself.

UrsulaBrangwen Sun 27-Sep-15 15:44:47

I'm not very wise really but I would say that you very rarely regret it when you do force yourself to dress, put a little make up on (if that's something you do) and do something positive such as go fir a walk, meet a friend for coffee etc. I believe it's known as 'fake it until you make it' :-)

It can be hard sometimes but we're here for such a little time

Handywoman Sun 27-Sep-15 15:56:31

Huck I ended things with a flawed-but-wonderful man last week. I feel so sad, I had really strong feelings for him but it had to end (the emotional fallout of his unhealthy relationship with his dd was too much). I've lost a fab friendship, wonderful sex - in some ways we are brilliantly matched - it's hard to know what to do with those feelings. Feels like they've gone off the end of a cliff (he won't want to hear from me ever again). I've got brilliant friends who make me laugh and feel better. Am walking the dog, going out for beers/cups of tea, seeing my therapist.

We made the right decision, Huck. We are doing all the right things. Going through the pain is necessary and won't last forever (apparently). Allow yourself today to wallow then force yourself to function a bit tomorrow but be kind to yourself. Ride the feelings out for a bit - nothing wrong with that.


HuckfromScandal Sun 27-Sep-15 16:16:47

I faked it all day yesterday, and it was exhausting. However - take your point, and am now showered and dressed!!

handywoman. That's exactly it. Great guy, but he doesn't do friendships with women, which I find weird, and I have hurt him terribly i suspect, so I feel I have lost a fab lover (shallow) and a really good friend, but I needed to be true to me!!
It was only 5 months, the depth of my sorrow is taking me slightly by surprise. I am normally a very together individual. I am surprised at myself!!

About to bake some scones, and I have managed to do my ironing, and hemmed a pair of trousers, so not a total disaster of a day, but have spent all the time I have not been at work, feeling that the tears are just pooling under my eyes.

Handywoman Sun 27-Sep-15 17:09:50

Oh yes the uncontrollable welling of tears..... If you're normally 'very together' there may be a bit of left-over grief from elsewhere making things even worse..... Grief waits and pops out where it can.

Well done and triple hurrah to you for staying true to yourself. That's an awesome thing to do.

Hurts to let a good one go, but it's not wrong. Or so I keep telling myself <sigh>

More thanks to you and <tissues>

eternallflame Sun 27-Sep-15 22:23:33

I am sorry to hear ypu have had a difficult time. I also curiously experienced thoughts about past relationships when a subsequent one ended. It is like you remove a dam inside you and all sorts of stuff comes out. Definitely agree re walking and doing nice things but remember we don't live in a Richard Curtis film and you are allowed to be sad too. I really hope there are good times and true love ahead for you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now