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Friend collecting / Leapfrogging

(5 Posts)
moochy1 Sat 19-Sep-15 16:38:14

Does anyone else feel like people sometimes use them to network to make new friends? Recently at the school gates where dd has just started school, it's happening every day, several people I know and even a couple of good friends seem to be trying to collect friends through me, heard this kind of thing called leapfrogging or even friend stealing before? Which makes me sound and feel like a total paranoid school girl myself which I hate. But one lady has even walked up to me and asked for an introduction twice now to someone I'm talking to, then cut me out of the conversation, she only comes over if I'm talking to someone she doesn't know. Next day a different v good friend of mine had swapped numbers with another friend I know after I introduced them and was then asking me the name of another lady I know "so she can chat to her the next day", a couple of friends have been sending fb friend requests to people I've introduced them to... Am I being paranoid, is this just how the school mum thing works?!

sykadelic Sat 19-Sep-15 17:20:47

This happens to me all the time (not at school gates, just in general). You're polite so you introduce them and there's no way not to really.

I've tried thinking of a way not to introduce people but I don't think there's anyway that's actually polite. I think though, with satellite friends it's not really a big deal because they come and go... as long as she's not bitching about you and those people don't talk to you anymore that is. With "good" friends though I would hope you could actually mention that X is using you to meet friends and it's super weird.

The ones that "cut you out" after an introduction (i.e. don't talk to you anymore until their new friendship fizzles out or only talk to you to meet new people) are bad people. The ones that simply befriend but don't ditch you are the "normal" ones. The only way to meet people is to go up to them randomly, or to be introduced (didn't you HAVE to be introduced "back in the day" otherwise it wasn't polite?).

It should fade out after a while. Right now everyone is new and organising their new social circle. It will probably change a lot as people actually get to know each other.

It sucks sometimes but as long as you're not losing friends then it should be fine smile

LocketLou Sat 19-Sep-15 21:48:30

Yes I've had a few people use me in the past just to get to know others.

Lots of people are ruthless and think nothing of trampling over others to get what they want in life unfortunately.

Sweetsweetjane Sat 19-Sep-15 23:53:58

Happening to me right now and has happened throughout my adult life. I've always been sidelined by both parties afterwards.

LocketLou Sun 20-Sep-15 09:53:09

Sweetsweetjane, I often find myself sidelined too whenever I introduce people to each other.

I know it's meant to be polite to introduce people to others but these days I try to compartmentalise my friends as much as I possibly can; for example I would never invite my friends from work on a night out with, say, any of the mum friends I have from my DCs school. Or I wouldn't bring the friend that I've met at the gym and go to classes with along for a coffee with my neighbour.

Keeping friends separate and having individual friendships rather than group ones is the way to go.

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