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FWB is going on a date...

(91 Posts)
BreadstickBev Thu 17-Sep-15 13:53:06

I have a FWB... All started as a no strings just for fun agreement, and yes a lot of fun was had. I probably have fallen into the trap of being too dependant on him, physically and emotionally. He is very open / honest with me & told me last night he has a date planned for Saturday night. This has floored me & I'm a mess (and im usually not a cryer)

We were very emotionally close, shared interests, finished eachother sentences, basically he is the male version of me & vice versa re him. He has been texting his date for a week and has definitely cooled towards me, very noticeably in fact.

It is not possible for us to have a "normal" relationship due to various factors. I had never thought about him dating before but now it's an all consuming thought.

I don't know what I want from this thread but I just want to stamp my feet & cry & scream that he's my bit of fun sad I don't want him with anyone else.

Ive wished him well & he says it's only a date & he'll keep in contact with me. Has anyone ever came through the other side of this, because at the minute, I'm not sure I can see the light at the end of the tunnel... sad

Shouldknowbetter2015 Thu 17-Sep-15 14:07:04

So sorry Bev, sounds like he means more to you than you do to him. This why I couldn't do February as I just know I'd get too involved & expect more. If it were me I'd have to wish him well & go NC. I wouldn't sleep with him again as it would make dm feel terrible. Good luck. flowers

Shouldknowbetter2015 Thu 17-Sep-15 14:08:12

February??? Bloody iPad! I meant FWB of course!

Moopsboopsmum Thu 17-Sep-15 14:08:52

You need to stop seeing this man now, move on and find someone who is able to respect you and be in an exclusive relationship. It will be difficult but if you don't do it now, you will waste your life. I speak from bitter experience.

SoleBizzzz Thu 17-Sep-15 14:29:53

Ignoreall his efforts to contact you after sending him a text 'Wish you well for the future, I enjoyed our time together, I hope my date goes well on Sunday!. Then ignore him forever x

Joysmum Thu 17-Sep-15 14:32:00

This is the problem with FWB or FB, one tends to dat more emotionally invested than the other.

So sorry you're hurting.

PoppyBlossom Thu 17-Sep-15 14:36:06

This arrangement isn't good for you, you should end it.

SoleBizzzz Thu 17-Sep-15 14:38:54

Of course he'll keep in contact with you, you boost his ego so he can find someone who he thinks suits him ether! He feels you need him, doing you a favour! He'll dump you if his date goes well, do it first to him, when he gets back in touch keep on ignoring him!! Block his number.

Owllady Thu 17-Sep-15 14:41:00

Shouldknow, please learn to cope with February. It's only 28 days, except on a leap year when it's 29

I agree with the others OP. Wish him well and cut contact, unless of course, he's calling your bluff

ToGoBoldly Thu 17-Sep-15 14:53:33

Don't let him keep in contact with you. Not because he's done anything wrong, but you're clearly not in the right place mentally to have a relationship that is purely sex on tap. You cannot get emotionally involved with a fuckbuddy, it doesn't end well.

You'll stop feeling sad

TheMarxistMinx Thu 17-Sep-15 17:27:06

Ah but it is possible for him to have a relationship, or to date, and he is.

So, does this mean the various factors were on your side of the equation?

cozietoesie Thu 17-Sep-15 17:32:31

Finish with him.

DatingFun Thu 17-Sep-15 20:09:59

This happened in my situation, but the other way round, a few months ago. I casually told my FWB that I was going on a date that evening, but would see him the following evening after that, as planned. He'd never given any indication that he had feelings, so I hadn't thought of it as a big deal, thought he'd just say fine, see you Saturday, have a good time! How wrong I was blush. He didn't speak to me for a few weeks, and even when he did, he wouldn't discuss it. We gradually fell back into it but he is more distant with me, he's obviously put up some emotional barriers which is good.

I couldn't do FWB if I felt feelings were developing, it works with him because whilst I like him as a friend and enjoy shagging him, I feel no jealousy .... if it were the other way round and he told me he was going on a date I wouldn't mind at all. I do still go on dates now and again if I get the chance but I have more sense than to tell him - I am careful not to lead him on though.

If I were you I would very much focus on the reasons why you're FWB and not in a proper relationship, there must be something insurmountable for it to have gone that way and not proper dating.

ScrambledEggAndToast Thu 17-Sep-15 22:50:00

Sorry you feel like this OP. Sounds like this relationship has run its course though and you need to ditch this man and find someone else. Either someone who you can be totally exclusive with or someone who you can have a similar arrangement with, either is fine.

Lovehandles Fri 18-Sep-15 00:27:03

emotionally close, shared interests, finished each other's sentences does not sound like a FWB to me

BreadstickBev Fri 18-Sep-15 00:29:13

Thanks all.

Yes, various factors on my side preventing a "proper" relationship. Didn't think I wanted one with fwb as was happy just for the good company & amazing sex. Him having a date has just thrown a major spanner in the works of how I feel. It is actually such a shock. I think I would have preferred not to know but we always agreed to be honest with eachother, so for that I applaud him.

I have wished him well (but secretly hope it's a shit date) and have told him I'm taking a step back to let him concentrate of him self. Unfortunately I have to see (but not speak to) him every day & NC isn't that viable. Doesn't help that he is majorly hot & literally leaves women open mouthed when he walks past. It was nice knowing that I was the only one getting a bit of him.

Thanks

Lovehandles Fri 18-Sep-15 00:33:37

He is obviously more than just a fwb to you whether you think you can have a proper relationship or not

ToGoBoldly Fri 18-Sep-15 01:02:41

Do you work with him?

Don't dip your pen in the office ink! And don't pick a fwb who is not easily avoidable.

What are the factors preventing you from having a proper relationship? It sounds like you need to work on yourself before diving into an emotionally precarious situation like having a fwb.

BreadstickBev Fri 18-Sep-15 10:38:10

No, don't work with him; it's worse, (single) father at school where I do drop off.

Bexster93 Fri 18-Sep-15 10:48:01

If you can't have a proper relationship with him, then it's time to move on. It's the best thing for you, and at the end of the day you have to look after number one.

FWB are great when they begin, but now you're just hurting yourself. It's hard to let go, but it's time to look into the future.

Good luck smile x

ToGoBoldly Fri 18-Sep-15 10:56:02

Ah that's not too bad then, I don't think it is worse. It will be awkward but at least it's for a very limited period of time at set times of day so you're not constantly fearing the risk of bumping into him in a corridor or something.

brokenhearted55a Fri 18-Sep-15 18:26:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brokenhearted55a Fri 18-Sep-15 18:45:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BreadstickBev Mon 21-Sep-15 09:50:27

So no word from FWB since Fri morning which in itself is very unusual. No idea how his date went & didn't see him this morning as I usually would??

He has been on FB & but hasn't been on WhatsApp from yesterday morning... Do I text him or just leave the ball in his court? When he told me about going on the date, he very much emphasised it was 'only' a date & would still be about / keep in touch with me.

Im thinking of sending a msg saying a long the lines of "so I take it we're just going back to the customary 'goodmorning' at drop off & I can go get my kicks elsewhere? " too harsh & too straight to the point to barge straight in with? I'm not sure I can ask how his date went so please don't suggest that sad

Morganly Mon 21-Sep-15 09:58:40

Do not contact him! Isn't this relationship over now? How pathetic do you want to make yourself look?

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