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How to Deal with DF - Hot & Cold, Abusive - No Contact for Months...

(2 Posts)
RockinHippy Sun 13-Sep-15 21:43:47

Very complicated history, definitely "Stately Homes" I would need a novel to even scratch the surface, so I will try & be concise, but will probably end up drip feeding as it will be impossible not too.

In short - I received an answerphone message from elderly DF yesterday, very nice message,

"how are you all, hoping you haven't cut me off completely again & just checking you are all okay, hope you are" etc

Except I haven't heard hide nor hair from him in 3 months, last time I did hear from him, he was very nasty, very hurtful & told me he wanted nothing more to do with me as all I did was moan & talk about hospitals - I was telling him what was happening with DD who was injured, in a lot of pain, not healing, stuck in a wheelchair, very, very difficult time for us. All of this is my fault because of the way I feed her (she has allergies, is pescetarian, eats a very healthy diet, she also has a diagnosed medical condition that makes her prone to dislocation, she dislocated her hip)

This was quickly followed up by a cheque with money to help with costs for DD, with a note saying, "this isn't because I want to be friends, I don't, but I can afford it & know you will spend it wisely"

No more contact since & this isn't the first time, I had the same thing at Xmas, because he was angry & upset that his cat had died, he didn't tell me, just cut us off without any explanation at all, bar abuse & character assassination by text, telling me he was cutting me off, we had tickets to visit him, wasted money as we couldn't go - he then chose my birthday to ring up & tell me the cat had died & not to expect a card or present from him as meant it. Followed by him changing his mind a few days later when he received the card etc I had already sent him, for his birthday (few days after mine) & sending me something.

I had intended to insist on an apology from DF this time as I'm sick & tired of this, I thought it had all ended after DM had died, but it hasn't. DF was then rushed into hospital, but as DD was very ill here, 300 miles away, I couldn't travel - I had also just got out of hospital myself, which he didn't know about. DF needed help & I managed to organise everything he needed via the Internet & spoke with him several times a day, spoke with his medics too, do helped as much as I could & forgot about the way I had been treat as DF was so,I'll for a few weeks

DB lives close by to DF, but doesn't help, he is a nasty piece of work, & has some weird rivalry/jealousy of me, which makes no sense as he was the one always spoilt by DM - DF carries this on in DMs memory, but supposedly sees DB for what he is - DB owned up to deliberately turning DM against me & promised to do the same with DF - even though in his words "I was his rock" after DM died.

I was very hurt by all of this - we lost DM 2yrs ago, very difficult family situation all round with my often excommunicated for years on end - DM had serious health problems, but was very much a narcissist. DB is also a narc, possible personality disorder with a drug problem too, though he works

DD had a text from DF 3 weeks ago, which she tells me she replied to with "glad to know you are still alive, even if you were very mean to mum, she still worries" no reply for a week & then just a thumbs up emoji & now this message

I really don't know what to do, DF is elderly, has some serious health issues, but despite all of this, is surprisingly fit & mentally alert for his age & has managed well since losing DM. Or does he, they way he talks in the messages, he clearly seems to think it's me that cuts them off - they've always done this & tell other extended family this too - but it's not & never has been true - though with some of what they've put me through, I doubt anyone would blame me if I had cut of from them all completely

I still worry & feel awful about it though


pocketsaviour Sun 13-Sep-15 21:52:35

I suggest you change your DD's phone number, and block him from your mobile and email. Let your delightful brother take care of him. He's made it very clear over the years that he doesn't give a shiny shit about you or your family, OP. He purely cares about himself and that's it. The money, etc, just more attempts to control you. Cut the fucker off and don't look back. flowers

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