I am contemplating whether to leave my OH, following a series of recent incidents. I don't feel I can keep confiding in the same two friends forever and really need to work it out for myself (plus, it's not fair to keep burdening them with the details of my failing relationship). I would really appreciate your feedback on this matter MNs, as I am in such a state of uncertainly I can't see the wood for the trees.
To put it into context, I am a mum of two DC's, both under 4, and my partner and I have been together for 7 years. We are not married (his decision, not mine - he doesn't believe in it) but we do own a lovely house together out in the country. On the surface of it all, we have everything going for us. Behind closed doors, however, things are quite different. In front of people, he acts like a doting partner/father of the year which irritates me no end. At home, he acts like a teenage boy - trashing the house, turning over the TV to suit himself (regardless of who is watching it), coming in drunk and late (like 1/2am) at least 2/3 times a week, ignoring my phonecalls when he is out drinking with his colleagues, and more besides. I am just so fed up with him leaving me to pretty much bring up the children alone and telling me that he 'works hard enough' for a living (granted, his commute is substantial) without 'having to do my work aswell.' Looking after two children alone 24/7 is so hard and moreover, not just my responsibility. What will happen when I return to work in a few months, I wonder? No doubt nothing will change - I will just be doing a double shift.
On to the main point - sorry for rambling. Recently, things have become quite uncomfortable at home and he has escalated his abuse from emotional to physical. In the last six months there have been three major 'attacks' so to speak. Not satisfied with putting me down about my 'shit salary' 'useless housewifery skills' or 'pretentious friends' he has started to get a bit physical. In the past, he has hit me, but just the once. To be fair, he was drunk and he was going through an immensely stressful experience at the time (grief). For this, he was sincerely apologetic. I do believe people make mistakes and deserve second chances most of the time. Since having DC2, however, he has thrown things at me (mainly full cans of drink - one actually bruised me), shouted in my face, slapped my hands, kicked me and yesterday told me to 'fucking shut up' in front of the DCs (this made me really furious - I made it clear I would not tolerate being spoken to in that way ESPECIALLY in front of the children). Needless to say, we are currently sleeping in separate bedrooms and he has spent the day snapping at me and repeatedly telling me to go and fuck myself (thankfully he didn't say it in front of the children this time) and reiterating that he didn't want to see me all day so I should fuck off out with the kids (I did, and we had a lovely day without him).
What I want to know is, is there any way this relationship could be salvaged do you think? I know he dearly loves the DCs and claims he loves me too, but he takes everything out on me and I am not sure how much more I can take. I might add that I actually asked him to leave last night and he just laughed in my face and yes, you guessed it, told me to fucking fuck off myself. As I type this, I realise he might be more vile than I had ever actually thought possible. Hard, as if he said sorry, told me he loved me and promised never to behave this way again I fear I would welcome him with open arms. I know some of you will say I need my head examined but please understand I love this man and want practical advice above anything else.
Thank you for reading.
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Should I leave him?
21 replies
UsedToBeASize10 · 13/09/2015 21:33
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