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You love each other, but aren't compatible in terms of lifestyle/goals

(3 Posts)
moonfacebaby Sun 13-Sep-15 20:09:26

I've just split up with my OH of 2.5 years.

It was for the best - we couldn't find a way to make our lifestyles work & it became a bone of contention. We had a tiff yesterday, he hung up on me & that's been the catalyst.

He apologised for it profusely - but we both realised we had doubts. I'm a single mum to 2 small kids, he works in a job that involves unsociable hours & he lived 30 miles away.

The sad thing is that I've never ended a relationship where there was a lot of love & a strong attraction. It feels weird, very sad & I know that we will both miss each a lot.

I don't think I've loved any man in quite the way I loved him. He loved me in the best way he could - he was loving, caring, kind. The sex was amazing. He made me laugh so much.

What were the issues? Well, the distance meant it was tricky to have that thing where you can just pop in or spend the evening together. His work meant that he was often working when I didn't have my kids. Trying to find quality time together was difficult at times.

He likes his solitude at times, so working crazy hours, then having time to recharge & fit in a relationship meant that I felt he could have found more time for me. He admitted that he can be selfish with his time.

He wouldn't move to my area - it's expensive & we were no way ready to live together.

I sound like I'm really navel- gazing here, so I do apologise - it's all quite raw & I'm trying to get my head around it all.

Even though there was a lot of love, part of me thinks there wasn't enough for him to make a few changes - move closer would have been a good start. I'm not angry with him - I think we both just realised that we wanted something that the other person couldn't give.

I don't want to see this as a failed relationship - it was full of love & laughter & some good times. We both learnt so much from each other & he said that I made him a better man.

Has anyone else experienced this? Were you able to be friends eventually?

I do accept it. I'm trying to trust that life is taking me where I need to go & that things will make perfect sense one day. I've been through a lot in the past few years, but I feel stronger as a result. I know I'll wobble - we've got to meet up to swap our stuff in a couple of weeks & that is going to be tough - but I am pretty sure I won't crack.

I'll stop there - boy, I can talk grin

IonaNE Sun 13-Sep-15 20:18:56

OP, if after 2.5 years you were not ready to move in together, then I'd say it is for the best.

moonfacebaby Sun 13-Sep-15 20:26:54

Yeah, I know.....but I'm wary after a horrible marriage breakdown a few years ago & I think he'd find it difficult to live with 2 kids full-time. I was happy to leave that for a while.

I dunno, maybe we were both scared of commitment.

I think we'd have done it if I didn't have kids. He didn't have any & never planned to have them. He was great with them, they liked him. But could he ever be a stepdad? I don't think so. It's not for everyone...

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