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Relationships

Could you date a teetotaller?

104 replies

Abundatia · 13/09/2015 19:34

I recently ended a relationship after he gave me an ultimatum: that either I start drinking alcohol or he would dump me. So I dumped him.

My non-drinking isn't a big deal or something I tend to bring up. Not in AA or anything. I just don't want to drink anymore.

Would you date a teetotaller? Why or why not?

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Artandco · 13/09/2015 19:35

Of course, alcohol or not has nothing to do with a relationship ( unless an alcoholic)

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Scobberlotcher · 13/09/2015 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hero1callylost · 13/09/2015 19:38

Unless your main pastime is clubbing/pubbing/drinking I don't get why anyone wouldn't date a teetotaller.

Good for you for dumping him! Smile

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MusicMum18 · 13/09/2015 19:38

I am married but I would date a teetotaller, I don't drink much myself, just the odd glass of red and mulled wine at Xmas.
Good for you dumping your ex, what a ridiculous ultimatum. He needed to accept you as you are. What about if you are a veggie and he didn't like it? Would he tell you to eat meat otherwise you'd be dumped.
I say good riddance. I'd have done the same as you.

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ThroughThickAndThin01 · 13/09/2015 19:38

Yes of course, unless the date insisted I was teetotal too.

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oldaninpurple · 13/09/2015 19:38

Absolutely I would, mainly because I am one. Did he say why he wanted you to drink? Not that it matters actually...you are indeed, well rid!

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Chasingsquirrels · 13/09/2015 19:39

Well, I am, so yes.
DP was bemused by my non-drinking when we first got together and kept telling me I'd like certain things - I don't and I'd rather have a soft drink. Now I think he just appreciates the fact that we never have to have the whose driving home discussion.

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MrsPresley · 13/09/2015 19:39

My DP is teetotal.

Doesn't bother me, and my drinking doesn't bother him.

In almost 20 years I have never seen DP have an alcoholic drink of any kind, it's just perfectly normal for us and I really don't understand why anyone would have a problem with someone who doesn't drink Confused

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ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 13/09/2015 19:42

Wouldn't bother me as long as he didn't mind me going to beer festivals and drinking with my friends.

I wouldn't tolerate being judged for it, or forbidden from going into pubs, but just with someone who chose not to partake themselves, no, no problem.

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Abundatia · 13/09/2015 19:43

The experience was a bit of a blow to my ego and now I fear that men may not be attracted to somebody who doesn't drink. My ex said every couple should be able to get tipsy together and that it's a normal part of life.

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tribpot · 13/09/2015 19:43

Could you date a drinker, OP? I know I couldn't - but then I am in recovery so my situation is somewhat different (er, plus I am married so not doing a whole lotta dating anyway).

I would absolutely bin off anyone who made this kind of ultimatum. I would hesitate to date someone who drank regularly but only because I need not to be around alcohol and so logistically it would be difficult.

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captainproton · 13/09/2015 19:43

I am teetotal and my DH was not when we met. Now he barely drinks, maybe a glass of something at a party perhaps. He says his health has improved, our finances certainly have. He says he just fell into the habit of having a glass of wine of an evening or sometimes a bottle. His drinking never bothered me, he changed because I wasn't encouraging him, so there is hope.

I think anyone who puts booze before a loved one has a troubled relationship with alcohol imo. I think you are well rid.

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Abundatia · 13/09/2015 19:44

He said I should drink because it's more "normal." He said having to drink wine while I drank water was "embarrassing"

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category12 · 13/09/2015 19:44

I think I'd find it an advantage tbh. My ex was definitely not a teetotaller.

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tribpot · 13/09/2015 19:46

Two billion people in the world drink alcohol. Which means 5 billion people do not. Thus statistics conclude (as if there was any doubt) he is talking bollocks.

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Abundatia · 13/09/2015 19:46

I could date a drinker. I couldn't date a binge drinker who was getting absolutely wasted regularly though. Good luck with your recovery x

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Saltedcaramel4 · 13/09/2015 19:47

He's wrong. Not every couple gets tipsey together. However, every successful relationship has partners who respect each other

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tribpot · 13/09/2015 19:47

Thanks - I've been sober for 4.5 years. Unlike your wanker of an ex!

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Abundatia · 13/09/2015 19:47

Although he didn't drink excessively around me my gut instinct is that he drank loads normally and possibly had a drinking problem.

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Lweji · 13/09/2015 19:50

I wouldn't date anyone who told me what I should drink or not.

You did well to dump him. Now you should find someone who has a healthy relationship with drink and for you to have a healthy relationship with.

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HappyJustToBe · 13/09/2015 19:50

My DH doesn't drink at all. He drank a little when we met but did that due to pressure from his social circle. As he got older he realised that drinking to please others was ridiculous. It is a complete non issue for us. Well done, OP.

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RachelZoe · 13/09/2015 19:54

What the hell?


I love a drink, I really do. DH will only drink on holiday or at a very special occasion/once in a blue moon will join me for a rum and coke etc and even then only in moderation, he has maybe 5-10 units a year.


It has never been an issue. That guy sounds dreadful, people who care that much about appearing "normal" are always a waste of time.

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60sname · 13/09/2015 19:56

I personally wouldn't. Neither DH nor I regularly drink to excess but I do enjoy getting tipsy with him (when not pg!) . IME it is hard for non-drinkers to avoid judging drinkers.

However clearly there are plenty of people who would be happy to date a teetotaller.

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Mindexplode · 13/09/2015 19:59

My dh doesn't drink much, maybe champagne at a wedding. I do drink, but a couple of glasses at weekends. Occasionally I will go out with people and drink more in company. He doesn't comment much on my drink other than offer me wine after a bad day. I know he will mostly drive home unless we agree to get a taxi and he gets up with the dc in the mourning

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Blu · 13/09/2015 20:02

Yes, unless I was expected to be teetotal too, and if pubs were a no go zone.

I would rather be with a teetotaler than someone who built their life around drink and getting drunk, second home at the pub etc, but I do like to sit with a pint in a pub garden on holiday, have wine with a meal and sometimes have a screechy laugh with friends.

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