Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Ever had a colleague (or anyone else in your life) who has Borderline Personality Disorder?

(109 Posts)
Abundatia Sat 12-Sep-15 16:32:26

Is it even possible to reason with them?

Shouldknowbetter2015 Sat 12-Sep-15 16:48:01

Ni! Pretty sure my ex had this. And was ALWAYS right. And I was always walking on egg shells around him.

Shouldknowbetter2015 Sat 12-Sep-15 16:48:32

Sorry, that should've been 'No'!

ChilliAndMint Sat 12-Sep-15 16:49:46

Yes, and I hate to say this but keep all contact with them to a minimum.

I had a an XP with this and I can honestly say that I have never been so traumatised by anyone in my life.

And the answer to your question is no, you cannot reason with them because they have their own set of rules and beliefs.

ChilliAndMint Sat 12-Sep-15 16:54:50;_ylu=X3oDMTBzMW0xM29kBGNvbG8DaXIyBHBvcwMxMAR2dGlkAwRzZWMDc3I-/RV=2/RE=1442102026/RO=10/

Abundatia Sat 12-Sep-15 17:09:55

My mother is a Borderline. My new boss is one too. I recognised the signs straight away. I literally feel nauseous being around him because of having to walk on eggshells and because his bizarre and unpredictable behaviour is so reminiscent of my abusive mother's.

I think the best course of action is for me to start searching for a new job.

glorious Sat 12-Sep-15 17:13:11

I have a friend with it. She is a good friend to me and others. I would focus on the person's behaviour rather than their diagnosis.

I'm not trying to be pious, I just felt an alternative perspective might be valuable to add some balance.

KittyandTeal Sat 12-Sep-15 17:19:38

I have been diagnosed with strong BPD traits (not actually BPD as the symptoms cross with bipolar which I do have)

I had this need to be right all the time, no one could argue with me. I would argue my point even when I was wrong. I came from a rock bottom self esteem and an urge to seem strong so people wouldn't see me as a victim.

Needless to say I've had shed loads of therapy and now can accept I am wrong no admit it(without wanting to cry or feel I am worthless because I am wrong) However, it has taken bloody years. People just stopped arguing with me, or just used to say 'yep, ok then'. I must have been infuriating.

I know it's really, really annoying. I also know that everyone is different but for many the always being right thing derives from a cripplingly awful self esteem and a self protection mechanism. Maybe try to think about that when they're arguing black is white.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Sat 12-Sep-15 17:19:51

I worry that I have this sad

bookworm3 Sat 12-Sep-15 17:20:16

I am a mental health nurse. People with this disorder suffer terribly-it is a very stigmatised disorder.
Whether you can reason with someone with BPD depends upon how severe it is and how unwell they are at the time.
Some people with BPD work hard and recover to the point where they would no longer be diagnosed with the disorder.
People are not their illness and as glorious says we all have our strengths and difficulties. If someone is treating you badly and won't listen to you then you can't communicate with them but please don't generalise about people with BPD

BeeRayKay Sat 12-Sep-15 17:21:51


Of COURSE you can reason with them.

Threads like this make me realise what I'm fighting against.

With correct medication and the right therapies, CBT, Mindfulness, ACT, DBT etc make it entirely possible for someone with BPD to be as "normal" as anyone else.

Some people are just cunts you know? And sometimes people with mental health issues like BPD are cunts. And sometimes people with BPD and suchlike are not cunts.

So try not dumping them all into one big fucking generalisation.

BeeRayKay Sat 12-Sep-15 17:24:28

"My mother is a borderline"
Would you say that about someone with Autism? Oh he's an Autistic?

What the hell? Why is that ok?

perfectlybroken Sat 12-Sep-15 17:26:31

My friends dh has this. I don't know him well myself but it has made it difficult for him to keep a job, and caused various other problems. They have a good relationship but she trained to be a counsellor in order to.understand him better.

KittyandTeal Sat 12-Sep-15 17:26:38

I thought I was taking undue offence at the 'a borderline' comment but I'm glad others have picked up on it. It's not nice.

BeeRayKay Sat 12-Sep-15 17:28:24

Not undue offence KittyandTeal it was pretty shocking.

RachelZoe Sat 12-Sep-15 17:29:24

"A borderline" hmm

Your mother may have been diagnosed but you have no idea if your colleague has it. The level of armchair personality disorder diagnoses on this site is ridiculous. "I saw it straight away" "yes your mother has NPD" and so and so forth.

Of course you can "reason with them", they aren't animals, people with BPD are often incredibly wounded people who need help and support.

Abundatia Sat 12-Sep-15 17:30:40

Isn't this what the disorder is called? Borderline?

BeeRayKay Sat 12-Sep-15 17:30:53

I remember talking to my psychiatrist once. And he said one of the truest things I've heard.

Anyone can be an arse. It's not always a mental health disorder that causes it. Sometimes people just are.

Neverletmego27 Sat 12-Sep-15 17:30:59

I have BPD. I can be reasoned with. I have a great deal of insight and tolerance. Because I happen to be a decent person. This thread is insulting to everyone with BPD. And you can't diagnose 'a borderline' by recognising the signs. BPD is a mental health condition. Most of us have been to hell and back already. We don't need shit like this thread.

BabyGanoush Sat 12-Sep-15 17:31:42

Is it the same as Bipolar?

I am not up to date with the terminology! Used to have a bipolar (think it used to be called Manic Depressive) colleague.

He was still a normal nice person one could communicate with, which made it confusing to deal with at times, essentially I could quite understand his way of thinking (he could always explain himself well) just went a bit further than most people.

So tell us about this colleague, what's the issue?

BeeRayKay Sat 12-Sep-15 17:32:36

Yes the disorder is called Borderline... as it's borderline between two others.

But to refer to some one as "a borderline" is akin to saying

Hes "a gay"
She's "a black"
He's "an autistic"

We are "a" anything. We "have" something. We "suffer" from something. Not we "are" something.

I'm "a" woman. "a" wife. "a" mother. "a" employee.

I'm not "a" borderline.

Abundatia Sat 12-Sep-15 17:32:37

My brother is a psychiatric nurse too. He says that a person with BPD who has not received treatment can often be extremely abusive and can make life very difficult for family members and colleagues. From experience, this rings true. Yes, we all have strengths and weaknesses, but we don't all have Personality Disorders.

Abundatia Sat 12-Sep-15 17:33:24

that's interesting that it inspired her to train as a counsellor

BeeRayKay Sat 12-Sep-15 17:33:36

No BPD isn't Bipolar. It has some similar tendencies, but are treated in different ways, have different causes, and many different differences.

Both are pretty shitty though.

RachelZoe Sat 12-Sep-15 17:33:57

No BabyGanoush BPD is used interchangeably for Borderline and Bipolar sometimes so easy to mix up. Bipolar is a mood disorder and Borderline a personality disorder, very different, same acronym smile

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: