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Please tell me I'm not going mad

(62 Posts)
wherehaveigonewrong Fri 11-Sep-15 23:06:35

DP and I have had a rocky week. Tonight we went out, and when we got home to his, he asked me if I was staying. (I'd told him earlier I wasn't feeling very sexy and would go home tonight). I said I'd like to stay but wasn;t up for sex as I was still feeling a bit unhappy about our row. he got cross and said ok then go home, if you won't have sex then just go home.

I started home but on the way I thought I must have misunderstood him so I called him and said I'd really like to stay and just be loving and cuddly. He said "are we going to have sex" I said I dont know but can't we just see how we go and just love each other? he said if you won't have sex just go home.

I'm not wrong am I? This is really bad isnt it?

Please don't be hard on me.

tableanadchairs Fri 11-Sep-15 23:09:32

Jesus--Dump the twat

LeonC Fri 11-Sep-15 23:09:51

He sounds an utter twat.
You are better off at home on your own. You're worth more than that.

DoreenLethal Fri 11-Sep-15 23:10:03

He sounds like a catch.

Not.

Bin him, please.

Coolforthesummer Fri 11-Sep-15 23:11:09

Really horrible.

Rivercam Fri 11-Sep-15 23:11:16

You are not going mad!

He doesn't sound very loving or respectful. There's more to a relationship then sex.

Seriouslyffs Fri 11-Sep-15 23:12:26

Oh sad definitely dump him. That's horrible.

gamerchick Fri 11-Sep-15 23:12:56

He doesn't sound very nice. Does he have any good points?

lorelei9 Fri 11-Sep-15 23:14:20

you're not wrong
this is really bad

dump him.

Inexperiencedchick Sat 12-Sep-15 00:05:39

If you one day will feel unwell and wouldn't be able to have sex for a while, he will be the first one to dump you. He is with you only for sex!

I was dumped last year just because I wasn't up for sex.
There are times when you want to be loved and cared for without sex, some people don't think that way.

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

TopOfTheCliff Sat 12-Sep-15 00:06:50

He must be totally insensitive and stupid not to realise that if he wants any chance of sex he needs to show you some love and affection to win you round. If he can't even understand that he isn't worth wasting your time on.
LTB!

goddessofsmallthings Sat 12-Sep-15 01:02:29

How long have you known this crass tosspot suave man of the world who knows what he wants and doesn't mince words in his attempt to get it?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Sat 12-Sep-15 01:06:00

Oh GOD. Imagine this guy when you are out of commission post birth (or whenever). Get rid immediately.

wherehaveigonewrong Sat 12-Sep-15 01:06:22

5 years. He can be so nice but recently I cant get anything right.

wherehaveigonewrong Sat 12-Sep-15 01:09:01

If he'd been nice this evening I'd have stayed. I dont want to be sitting here on my own in the middle of the night feeling broken.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Sat 12-Sep-15 01:14:39

5 years! And he thinks it's acceptable to treat you like that?

What do you mean by he can be nice, OP?

Solo Sat 12-Sep-15 01:20:32

It won't get better. He won't get better and you are worth more than that. Find someone worthy of you ~ someone that will just cuddle up if you aren't feeling sexy, someone that cares properly for you and about you.

LTB!!

RockinHippy Sat 12-Sep-15 01:24:22

You need to change your name, something like... whyhaveIputupwiththistwatsolong or
hedoesntdeservemeImbetterthanthat

Would be more appropriate

YOU have done nothing wrong - he has!

Tell him to F" right off & buy himself a blow up doll & learn to live yourself a lot more, so next time round you end up with someone who is really good enough for you

hattyhatter Sat 12-Sep-15 01:37:55

I dont want to be sitting here on my own in the middle of the night feeling broken.

You don't have to. You sound nice. You can meet someone caring and normal.

AcrossthePond55 Sat 12-Sep-15 01:39:04

Wow, I'd expected you to say 5 weeks!

Is this the first time this has happened? I can't believe that in 5 years you've never before said 'no' to him. Stop and think. Have there been other times he's left in a strop (or not in a strop, but left anyway) when you've been 'not in the mood'? Does he take 'no' for an answer or does he pressure you? In the quiet of your mind, have you ever felt 'no' but said 'yes' or said nothing because he's either put pressure on you or has 'proceeded'?

You don't actually need to answer, those are just 'points to ponder'. I mean, 5 years is a long time to maintain a relationship 'just for sex', but it is long enough for behaviours to be established (you acquiescing when you don't want to) or ignored (him not taking 'no' for an answer).

If you 'can't do anything right', it could be that, for him, your relationship has 'run its course' and he's either looking for a way out or just staying now for the sex. Or it could be that you need to end it because he's a sexual bully.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 12-Sep-15 02:47:57

5 years of Mr Insensitivity? Jeez, honey, you deserve a medal lot better than him.

What's stopping you finding a loving and caring guy who'll enhance your life and never leave you feeling 'broken'?

borisgudanov Sat 12-Sep-15 02:50:07

By the sounds of it, he's a completely selfish, entitled misogynistic twat who thinks you're only in his house to errm "service" his cock needs.

In which case, tell him that pigs will fucking fly before you'll accept that being welcome in his house is conditional upon letting him get his leg over.

Uuuurgh. What an arsehole.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sat 12-Sep-15 02:53:20

Wow, so he just wants to use you as a wanksock, and if you're not interested then he doesn't want you around?

Yes, it's very bad.

He can fuck off.

Baconyum Sat 12-Sep-15 02:54:51

5 years and not living together and this shit? Fuck that! Dump!

darksideofthemooncup Sat 12-Sep-15 03:01:54

5 years??? how old are you both if you don't mind me asking?

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