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Feeling utterly crap about my 'friends' and upcoming wedding

(48 Posts)
feelingrubbish3 Fri 11-Sep-15 20:42:29

I'm 25 and went down the career route. My group of friends from school didnt, and so have stuck together while i have moved about a lot studying and making decisons for my job. out of the 7 friends, 3 are married and the 4th is getting married in october. at the last 2 weddings, i was there with my ex and these friends made many comments about how i wasnt married yet and how i 'shouldnt focus so much on my career.' one girl in particular was quite nasty and continually made comments about how i had not been a good friend as i had missed a lot of social events in the last few years (i had, but only because of my work).

so then yesterday i ended things with my partner. it is for good. i feel very alone but know it is the right decision. i cant face going to the next wedding and text to say that i woud be unable to make and have been met with lots of abuse... 'its not about you its about leanne,' 'you cant let her down 3 weeks before the wedding,' and so on. i dont know why these girls are so keen to make me feel shit because they clearly dont even value me as a friend and think im a rubbish friend anyway... i have always been nothing but pleasant to them so i find it all quite upsetting, and now my partner wont be there i just dont think i can cope with sitting through it all again, but i know if i dont go then they will just have more to be nasty about. the girl who is getting married is actually nice and i dont want to let her down.

feeling utterly fed up.

Chippednailvarnish Fri 11-Sep-15 20:46:43

They sound like the home town "friends" in the film Muriel's wedding.
Tell the bride face to face and don't go. Life is far too short!

feelingrubbish3 Fri 11-Sep-15 20:48:08

she will be upset if i dont go. some of the girls have txt me and said it would be the end of the friednship. i feel so shit abot having to sit through more analysis of my life in front of people i no longer have anything in common with

MatildaTheCat Fri 11-Sep-15 20:48:24

Ah, have a hug (). Of course you feel rubbish if you broke up with your partner yesterday. Hardly conducive to feeling like a wedding.

However it's three weeks away so enough time to have some quiet time and then attend with a sunny smile for the sake of your friend and you never know if any decent single men will be there.

Well done for getting on with your career. You won't believe me just now but 25 is very young to be married. Too young in many cases. Have a sad weekend and then move onwards and upwards. flowers

Rivercam Fri 11-Sep-15 20:49:58

I agree. Explain you reasons to the bride, and move on from these other friends. Join a club, go to the gym, make new friends.

DinosaursRoar Fri 11-Sep-15 20:51:06

Everyone sounds far too childish to be getting married.

If the next wedding is in October, then it's ok to decline now, however, have you done that or only told the other friends you won't go? That was rather bad form without having talked to the bride/groom first. Contact the bride, say you are very sorry but you aren't able to make it (hopefully 3 weeks is long enough that she's not had to pay anything out). Dont say that you don't want to because you won't have fun, you can't - otherwise you are trying to make it about you.

Then just be busy with the other things, make new friends, they aren't actually part of your life anymore, so why do you care?

Chippednailvarnish Fri 11-Sep-15 20:51:27

They sound horrific! They sound like they are worth losing!

DinosaursRoar Fri 11-Sep-15 20:53:00

Oh and stop talking to anyone else about it, it's the bride who has invited you, not the other girls, you tell her you can't go now, you are very sorry, send a card and nice gift... everyone else, "I can't go now, i've told [bride]."

Stop joining in the drama.

feelingrubbish3 Fri 11-Sep-15 20:53:23

dino i care because i grew up with them so it feels really sad. but even being really harsh on myself, i dont think i deserve 90% of the comments they make. also, they never made the effort to come to see me, so i could be just as nasty to them, but im not, i just understand we were far apart.

i guess after this i need to just move on, but with the impact of my ex, i feel i have no energy to do this again...not even one more time. i have to i suppose. then i need to move on.

SellMySoulForSomeSleep Fri 11-Sep-15 20:53:43

My guess is that They are jealous of you because your life is different to theirs. It makes them feel inferior.

Do what works for you. Friendships change. It's hard when you've been friends for a long time but it happens.

feelingrubbish3 Fri 11-Sep-15 20:54:31

oh and all over social media they have a group called 'the married ones'... and so obviously its a long wait before i join that exclusive group. just makes me feel even more like i have nothign in common

llhj Fri 11-Sep-15 20:56:04

Listen, at 25, you haven't a thing to worry about. That's so young to be married etc, maybe the norm in 1960, but not now. I think most women go down the career route now don't they? Find a new group of more normal mates and just catch up with these the odd time. Half of them will be divorced in ten years and believe mm, careers will resurrected.

WiIdfire Fri 11-Sep-15 20:57:16

"Hopefully 3 weeks is long enough that she's not had to pay anything out"

You haven't had a wedding, have you Dinosaur? :-)

Doesn't mean you have to go though OP.

llhj Fri 11-Sep-15 20:57:18

Sounds like Stepford Wives time. Move on, it's weird.

llhj Fri 11-Sep-15 20:58:19

Yes of course go to wedding.

Chippednailvarnish Fri 11-Sep-15 20:58:32

The married ones!?!!

What the fuck are they, the less intelligent version of the Stepford Wives!?!

You're naturally feeling down because you have just split up, they are nothing more than drama queens you don't need.

Chippednailvarnish Fri 11-Sep-15 21:00:06

And at 25 you're a mere babe compared to an old trout like me!

feelingrubbish3 Fri 11-Sep-15 21:00:59

yes, this is a new thing that they have just started... i genuinely do think it is pathetc but obviously when im sitting there, the only single one, let alone married, it doesnt feel great. i will go to the wedding but think i need to let go of the childhood connection i have with them.

i feel bad because i did neglect the friendships..i admit that...but it wasnt just me, it was them as well, and i would never speak to them badly or be nasty...thats the difference.

just had enough now.

Chippednailvarnish Fri 11-Sep-15 21:03:31

You didn't neglect the friendship, you grew up. Run away, quick before you become a married fuckwit!

NoArmaniNoPunani Fri 11-Sep-15 21:05:12

25 FFS, I don't know anyone who got married before 30. Have you got a nice male friend who could be your +1?

feelingrubbish3 Fri 11-Sep-15 21:06:08

yeah... i just dont get the jabs about my career and stuff, along with all this shit about 'the married ones,'...christ... i mean, i love weddings and i am hugely a romantic (annoyingly so), so i understand there obsssion with it to an extent. but i mean, is there any need to behave like they have?! it doesnt seem normal

Chippednailvarnish Fri 11-Sep-15 21:07:40

It isn't normal.
Your probably find that deep down they are jealous...

redexpat Fri 11-Sep-15 21:09:32

OMG they sound simply dreadful! Or as chipped brilliantly puts it the less intelligent version of the Stepford Wives.

Friends should make you feel good about yourself. If they dont, then they are no longer friends.

nagsandovalballs Fri 11-Sep-15 21:14:28

There are no rules saying you have to stay friends with these cow bags...

Backforthis Fri 11-Sep-15 21:16:07

Who the hell sees being married before 25 as an achievement??? I was and find it a bit embarrassing. Enjoy being single for a while and get some new friends.

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