Birthday present for an ex boyfriend

[BWF1]

Hey everyone, it's my ex boyfriends birthday next week, after an until rough patch straight after breaking up we are now on good terms and I was thinking of getting him a little present.

A little bit of background info, because of his work he had to move some 200 miles away from me. We tried the long distance thing but it didn't work, we barely got to see each other and our relationship was suffering so we called it a day.

After an initial period of no contact after we broke up communication slowly started up again and now we either message or chat on the phone probably 2-3 times a month. So not a lot of contact but enough to know what is going on in each other's lives.

Does anyone have any present ideas?

He has just got a puppy so for his birthday I was going to give him a framed picture of his puppy. Is this a good idea?

The only problem is I don't have a picture of the puppy. We aren't friends on facebook, I deleted him after the initial split and as I don't really go on there much I've never re added him.

We have mutual friends and they said he has put photos of the puppy on facebook. Would it be an invasion of his privacy to ask one of our mutual friends to send me a picture of the puppy off facebook? Would you mind if somebody did this to you? Or should I just give him the picture frame with no picture in. I could ask him to send me a picture but he may think it's a bit of a strange request as I've seen the puppy in the flesh so don't really need to see a photo!

Any help / suggestions would be much appreciated!

Thank you ??

[Greenfaith]

Don't bother with a gift.

[noiwontstoptalking]

Just send a card.

[SmallLegsOrSmallEggs]

Just send a card..unless this is a hey lets get it on gift. In which case it probably isn't a picture of his puppy he wants

[AnyFucker]

A picture of his puppy ?

Are you serious ?

[MarthasHarbour]

Yep do it!

DH suggested you send a dog collar. But this could be misconstrued...

[SavoyCabbage]

Just send a card.

Dear Jim


From Nancy


That will be enough to acknowledge his birthday. Fannying around trying to get a photo of a puppy is taking things much to far. He is not your grandmother.

[LovelyFriend]

Happy birthday text?

[Coolforthesummer]

I would hate it if an ex went to that much trouble to buy me a birthday present that I didn't want.

[TRexingInAsda]

Why?! A picture of his puppy, that you haven't taken and he hasn't even given you access to is like a note saying "I'm stalky and have no respect for your privacy, look what I've obtained without your consent!". Send him a card at best, a text would be more than sufficient.

If you want to get back with him, think hard about it and talk to him, don't try to say it with presents, the message will not be clear.

[scallopsrgreat]

Why do you want to send him a present ?

[thecolourpink]

I would just get a card. If you really want to get him a present just buy him an empty photo frame. and leave it at that as the effort you're putting into is way too much for an ex!

[ThisIsStillFolkGirl]

I think I've heard it all now! !

Do people have framed photos if their pets anyway?

"Happy Birthday. Enjoy your day x" text is sufficient. Anymore than that is a bit tbh.

[WhatsGoingOnEh]

Please please please don't send him a framed, stolen photo of his own puppy. It's too domestic, too intimate, too sappy, too much money/effort... It's all wrong.

It's a shame you split up for no "real" reason. But please realise, there was a reason - he didn't want to invest time into seeing you more often. He was just not that into you.

A better present for a friend would be a cool/funny puppy toy. Like a fun squeaky toy in an appropriate form (like a squeaky David Cameron he could gnaw on, etc)... But in this case, it'd be too much to even send that. It says, "I still love you, please love he back". That's probably not the message you'd like to send.

Keep your dignity and your money and move onwards.

[ThisIsStillFolkGirl]

Why did you need to get past it and back on speaking terms with him?

I don't get that at all.

[BWF1]

Thank you all for your comments, it would seem that maybe a present isn't necessary. I consider him a friend and I buy presents for any of my other friends for their birthdays so didn't think it was much different from this.

He doesn't have much family or close friends so won't get much on his birthday so thought it would be nice for him to have something, to know someone is thinking of him.

I thought a picture of the puppy would be a good memory as yes he will see the dog everyday but it won't be a puppy forever.

He is the type of guy that has photos of animals etc up in his house.

It's no secret between us that I'd like to get back together but it isn't practical at the minute with the distance between us. He doesn't have another girlfriend or I would back off.

Although we don't speak that often we are good friends, I do a lot for him, lend him money (twice and both times he paid me straight back as soon as he could), since We broke up he has had to move house again and I went up and helped him move, stayed in the spare room for the couple of days it took to move everything etc. he always says he is very grateful for everything I do for him and if I ever need anything just to ask but I've never been in a situation where I've needed his help.

Yes we are exs but now we are friends or maybe I'm naive?

[goddessofsmallthings]

Send him a birthday card and a packet of doggy chews or Good Boy choc drops for his new canine companion and include a note saying that you hope he's taking lots of photos as puppies soon grow into adulthood.

[newnamesamegame]

Sorry OP, to be blunt, you're obviously a kind-hearted and well-meaning person...

but I don't think you're being totally honest with yourself about your motives and I don't think any good will come of your buying him a present, particularly not one that's that intimate.

Bottom line is if he really wanted to be with you he would make it work. The business about distance is a line.

Therefore if you buy him a present you are basically sending him a signal saying: "I'm still into you."

And buying him a picture of his puppy would be borderline icky even if you were in a relationship with him, its just too much. Buying him a picture of his puppy when you're not with him but in a weird "friends" hinterland is probably going to make him either run a mile or feel that he has some weird hold over you and leave yourself open to his taking the p* with you.

If you really want to be in a relationship with him, back off and take things slowly. If you don't, don't buy him something that intimate. If he wants to be with you he'll find a way. If he doesn't, buying a picture of his dog will make you look slightly stalkerish and will put him off further.

Sorry, but really not a good idea.

[campervan67]

In this situation, just a card. With a picture of a puppy on it if you must. Just not his puppy!

It's no secret between us that I'd like to get back together This is worrying. And it sounds like he is totally taking advantage of it. I would concentrate on getting on with your own life and keep contact with him to the occasional text.

[Morganly]

I think you are making a bit if a fool of yourself here. If you want a boyfriend you need to think about how you can find one locally. Don't lend him money, don't visit him any more, send him a birthday text or card but nothing else. You are pretending that you are friends when really you are trying to get back together with him and you and he both know it. How humiliating. Stop it.

[goddessofsmallthings]

I can't be the only one who's remained on good terms with exes without wanting to get back together with any of them and I'd see no harm in sending them birthday/Christmas cards if I was so inclined.

[annab1980]

a text is enough.

Anything more gives wrong impression imo

[WhatsGoingOnEh]

You're being a doormat, OP. This is a completely one-way street, can't you see that? What did he give you for your birthday?

Hos do you know he's not seeing anyone else?

Please research codependence. "Women Who Love Too Much" is the classic book on the subject. You shouldn't be lending him money and helping him move house -- it's not your place now.

I'm interested in the "initial rough patch" just after you split up. Who initiated the no-contact period? You or him?