Why is my relationship with dm so difficult? :-(

[losenotloose]

I can't tell if it's me or her. I would say her relationships with all six of us is turbulent. On the face of it she's done her best and isn't a bad person, but I find spending time with her progressively more difficult, particularly when we're with my dc.

As an example, I'm finding my dc challenging at the moment and she knows this. She talks the talk as if she understands and supports me, yet does nothing to back me up when she's here. I know it's my job, but when she's there and I'm busy cooking etc, she just sits there. I decided to be honest today and tell her I'd really like her back up and she told me she never told us off either and she isn't going to change! Everything is so much more stressful when she's there as she quietly judges me getting cross and shouting. I thought maybe I was being paranoid when dc were younger and I thought she was judging me, but my siblings have now had dc and I hear the way she judges them.

Sorry to rant, I've had a horrible evening and need to get it off my chest. To be honest, it breaks my heart to see our relationship becoming so negative.

[stargazing2015]

I do appreciate that what he pays in maintenance doesn't go anywhere near what it takes to pay for bringing up a child. He did consider paying more but we have a steep mortgage payment so very difficult and pay freeze at work.

[stargazing2015]

I'm so sorry posted on the wrong thread.

[TheOddity]

Couldn't you just avoid getting cross and shouting while she is there so she doesn't have chance to judge? It may make her feel pretty uncomfortable too. I don't think getting cross has to be shouting either.
I can't tell from your post though why you feel so judged by her, there must be more to it.

[pallasathena]

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. I have grandchildren and I've learned that if you interfere you're wrong. If you tell them off, you're wrong. If you sit back and say/do nothing...guess what? you're wrong.

You're projecting all your negative stuff on your mum and using her as an emotional punch-bag. Deal with the problems you have with your kids first and stop making out its someone else's fault.