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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Waving Goodbye To Summer Nights, Sipping Mocktails.(1000 Posts)
Hello, I'm Mouse Welcome to the Bus.
Well, it would appear that Autumn is on it's way <whispers> I have the heating on and can't wait to use the log burner.... shhh!
So, who are we? We're just like you. Married, single, divorced, lots of children or no children, working or a SAHM, it doesn't matter, we all breathe the same air.....
We're just trying to live our lives on the Bus, like you do each day. Well, except for one thing...
I know don't start my day with a swig, or seven, from a litre bottle of vodka (choose your poison) any longer.
And that's what has kept me here, for years now. And no doubt many more to come. Reading the stories of others struggles, wanting to say "I feel like that" or "I do that too!" but being to ashamed to be the first to put your hand up.
Well, let me reassure you here and now, there's not much that we haven't read about on here or done ourselves over the years.
We've laughed at stories of haphazard nights out, we've cried at the loss of loved ones and we've shared the pain that only an alcoholic knows when all that they want is to STOP!
Push the pause button, get off the ride, shut the door, bury yourself under the duvet for days. We've all felt that sickening feeling in our gut that makes us want to curl up and hide forever. And we've shared it all on here.
You see I don't know you and you don't know me, so we're just words on a screen to each other. Eventually, you'll get to know me more and I you, and the other fantastic Babes too, some will stay, some leave us, then some come back.
One thing I can PROMISE - here you are safe, here you won't be judged, turned away (unless you're not genuine) and we even have a huge stock of Opal Fruits but that's all down to Ma.
So, if you think we're you're kind of lovely bunch of people to help you stop drinking, slow down, hold your hand while you decide what to do, then come find a seat!
OUR MOST RECENT THREAD
AND A VERY SOBERING READ, THAT LEAD TO THE BIRTH OF THE THREADS THAT FOLLOWED
Marking place and handing around aniseed salty balls or opal fruits ??
witchscat - hello.
Sweet - hello.
Do we need to finish other thread first? Not sure how this works.
Two days AF done here. Am in bed feeling exhausted.
You are very welcome to join us TWC but we are still over on the old thread at the moment.
You can find us HERE
Welcome TWC you are very much welcome. Do you want ot tell us something about yourself? Don't feel under any pressure, but it helps us to know if you are trying to cut down or to stop completely, whether you drink two glasses a night or two bottles a night, and whether you prefer opal fruits or starburst [wash my mouth out].
I'm marking my place... I'm off on holiday next week and I don't want you to worry that I've got lost somewhere. I will look at what you're up to while I'm away but I'll not be posting again until well into the autumn.
OH and just before I go.... I want to shout WRY WRY WRY I am in NE tomorrow. I will be scanning the station hoping to spot you.... please come back.
Thank you for new thread Mouse
Beaches I've never been first or last Hope you're ok flower. Bit up and down here but still keeping on keeping on.
Baby hard squeeze x
Fox you ok babe? x
April congrats on the move
Sweet you are flying along, well done babe. Your fishing trip sounded lush. Keep your pecker up darling and have a good day x
Much love to everyone
Welcome to the bus, TWC come and tell us how you are - ignore the 'first on the thread' silliness, despite the fact some of the Babes have been here for a long time, this is one of the most welcoming, least cliquey places on Mumsnet.
Beaches, that made your night didn't it!!
Spanna, how you doin'?
Venus, have a lovely break
Actually sat down with DH and watched a film last night, and saw it through to the end. Another tick for sobriety!
Pop, I know what you mean about finding not drinking boring (it was you who said it wasn't it?). Thing is, for many of us, drinking WAS our pastime, and we've suddenly deprived ourselves of our habitual way of filling the hours, without any idea of how much you can actually achieve in a day if your not half cut all the time (speaking for myself here). After a few weeks, you will find the energy and boing to fill your time with other, more productive things; find the focus for new hobbies; not feel like making excuses not to exercise; make it through to the end of a subtitled film!!
Have a good day all, post when you're winning, but most of all, post when your struggling, we're all in this together.
Good morning lovely babes! Well the last thread filled filled up nicely - I love your reasoning behind making sure the old thread is properly full. I actually got woken up by my alarm clock rather than hooligan cat which makes a nice change.
Thank you Mouse for starting this new thread - your words are always so well put together, and such an encouragement.
Day 9 here, and I'm sure I'm due a wobble at some point. I've not got any social bobbery planned which means I can just eat, sleep, work, repeat for a while. The boozy holiday at the end of the month may well be on hold as the person who is organising it is having troubles of their own, and we may well end up heading up to MILs for a few days, then on to the holiday organisers to give them some support. This will not be a bad thing.
Popstar - well done! Shiny new day 3? I hope your DF gets his op today. Hopefully the anti-b's have started to kick in. I've got my fingers crossed for him today.
Spanna - I've not heard "keep your pecker up" in a really long time - it was at my DGM's funeral, and a little old lady said it to my DGD, who was really struggling about the whole thing - he was in his mid 90's I think. It seemed a really funny thing to say, and wierdly inappropriate at the time .
Re: my anticipated wobble, I've ordered a selection of AF beers from the internet, and some AF very dry white wines. They should be arriving tomorrow morning, so hopefully I can find some good dry beers that don't taste all chemically, then I can petition my locals to stock them - they do stock the odd AF beer, but they are pretty ropey TBH.
Morning all. I think two of the nicest things about not drinking are 1) reading and 2) watching a film. Very simple, every day activities but not something that many drinkers have the ability to focus on for long
Also, one is solitary if you fancy some time to yourself, shutting out everything else for a while and the other is social where you can share with family. With the saved money you can buy box sets and spend quite a lot of your extra time getting drawn in.
Some of the dvds/box set I've watched fairly recently are Breaking Bad, 24, Cold Feet, Friends, X Files and a whole load of 80s films and period dramas.
If evenings are tricky, there's nothing wrong with putting on your pjs and going to bed as early as you like with a book, or mn
See you later, happy hump day x
Marking my place on the new thread with a confession.
I don't like Opal Fruits
I'm an opal fruits fan all the way!
So, at the moment I am sort of considering giving up completely. I'm pretty sure I will, I just need to get "there", iyswim.
I don't drink every day but when I do I will drink until the drink is gone. Having just one or drinking slowly isn't really an option.
I'm not a mean drunk, I generally quite like my drunken self although I am much more likely to have an argument with Dp when we're both drunk. The problem is the day after. I have depression and social anxiety, for which I take medication, and I majorly rely on alcohol as a social crutch to allow me to be that outgoing, chatty, fun person I want to be. But the next day and for days after (longer and longer each time!) I am struck down with shame, embarrassment, depression and am just in a foul mood. I have no patience with my DP or DD and it's not fair. I feel so awful the following day that I can't really do anything, the entire day is written off which means DD suffers, she basically has to watch TV all day as I lie on the sofa. I feel very ashamed typing that.
So my reasons for wanting to stop are to benefit my relationship with dp, my parenting of dd, and my own mental health.
I want to work on myself in a productive way rather than looking to alcohol to fix me. Because it doesn't.
So that's me! Thank you for having me
Oh! And problems I forsee are:
I've already spoken to dp about stopping "for a bit" and she suggested we have a "dry October" together. I briefly mentioned to another friend about how I feel and she also suggested we do a dry spell together, which is lovely
I do have a few friends who our social events are heavily based around alcohol though. We meet at the pub, we have bbqs or camping trips together or dinner parties etc and drink ridiculous amounts. Not drinking will be seen as really weird and I know that it will likely be called out in an embarrassing way (there was a time once when they were all drinking shots and I declined as I don't like them and they make me sick! They just would not let it go, it was really difficult for me).
So I'm wondering how to navigate that. I mean, I don't think I'm an alcoholic, or have an alcohol problem, just that I have a problem with alcohol! But maybe that's just semantics and I should just say "Look guys, I have a drink problem, I can't do it anymore and that's that". Presumably no-one would try to encourage me to drink if I said that! Any suggestions on this would be gratefully received
I think we all struggle to imagine aa sociallife without drinking.
I can say for myself that it's easy to fall in with a boozy crowd, and the truth is, there are other problem drinkers in that crowd. Some of them may find it threatening to see another drinker face the music. No true friend will want you to harm yourself. You may have unpleasant realisations that a particular person isn't a true friend, but you won't lose a true friend.
I'm still struggling to fill my time without drinking. I'm on a business trip with a lot of downtime and going out for food or drink is often my only real idea of what to do outside of my hotel room. Pubs look so interesting and cozy and even going for a walk means I am confronted with a sort of absence.
I'm also giving up sugar. This may sound like an extra burden, but I have found that sugar fuels alcohol cravings and vice versa.
I'm treating myself well and eating good meals at nice restaurants. If I feel bashful about just having tap water, then I have soda with lime.
I'm not personally able to say I'm done with alcohol for good. But I want to go a while and see how my life changes. Weight loss is motivating.
Shiny new day 3 here Cat , yes. Hoping they may do my dads op this morning apparently there is a child's appendix then him if no further emergencies come in. He nearly had sepsis at home his infection was so bad the whole family are on the edge. I'm not working today do after dropping kids I got back into bed and am watching fab old woody Allen film and nursing my cold / cold sore til 330 pick up time. Am not feeling huge benefits of day 3 probably due to stress , cold and .... It only bring day 3 BUT am damn sure I would be feeling worse if hungover. Sod the to - do list!!!
Witchscat and goose I only saw your threads after I posted mine - sorry if that came across all me me me.
Although it's s but terrifying I do think it's worth being open and honest with friends about cutting down booze and as goose says if they are not supportive then they are not really the sort of friends you need to be around right now. I think people who care about you will understand. Sometimes I think people get a bit funny because it holds up a mirror to their own alcohol use and they know they should be doing the same but can't live up to it. But you can only be responsible for yourself and coming here to be honest and brave is a very worthy step in the right direction so well done.
My main motivation is my immediate family - DP and DDs- and I figure that if I can get that right then the rest will fall into place ....
Popstar, you didn't sound "me, me, me" at all. You have a lot on your plate!
Any room for me?
I am scared. Really scared. Lurked on here for ages and have taken a deep breath.
Will try and keep it to the point. I have a bad relationship with alcohol. White wine in particular. It has been for about 10 years. I had counselling in the past and have a history of depression. An LTF 3 years ago came back normal. I managed 21 days dry and then thought I could drink in moderation. I can't. 5 pm is when I open the bottle while cooking tea and it normally leads to half of another one.
I am not a big person and I have never had a huge appetite, the worse I feel about myself, the smaller my appetite. I have lost weight and I look like shit.
We move around a lot due to my dh's job and for the most part GP's have been unsympathetic and dismissive.
The dentist prescribed me anti biotics for a dental problem on Monday and I am too scared too take them.
I have an appointment with yet another GP on Friday. I am scared I will be fobbed off again or I have left it too late and my eh and young did will be having to tell people why I am no longer around.
Worse, I am in a small community and the receptionist is the 'wife of'. I can't go anywhere else due to employers restrictions.
I have ordered in fit B complex and milk thistle. I wasn't completely dry last night and only had one small can of lager. I am worried I am shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted.
Not sure I can due this with out some type of anti depressants, and scared to ask for them.
Sick of feeling paranoid all the time, sick of my brain wondering which shop I can buy wine from next, sick of my daughter eating more than me, sick of hating who I am.
I want me back and I am scared it is too late.
Sorry to be so dramatic and self focussed.
me - I know a lot of people will welcome you here and be here for you. It's brave of you to take that first step and post. I know others will be along with more advice.
witchescat you sound like me. I am only 12 days in and have had many of same thoughts. Personally I am keeping it light when it comes up socially - telling the truth that I am trying 100 days to see what happens, but leaving it there. Probably opening up to friends is good but I'm not ready to go there, except with DH. I genuinely don't think most people will find a dry spell all that curious . In the past I have watched others not drink and secretly been a bit jealous .
Cat, I'll be interested to know what you think of the beers and wines.
Faire, loved Breaking Bad, and The Wire. I started House of Cards (Kevin Spacey version), but that was when I was drinking, and kept falling asleep, so I will be giving it, and Better Call Saul another go. Have you seen The Station Agent? it's a quirky indie comedy drama staring Peter (Tyrion) Drinklage - thoroughly recommend it.
Oops, screen didn't refresh properly, didn't see all of the other posts - back in a minute.
Just read the but about the shots and people being unkind... Really!? They must know how nuts that behavior is, on some level. You might just need to remove yourself from situations like that . Somehow I think you will have last laugh if you do....
Pop, I hope your dad gets his op. Be kind to yourself today and enjoy your film.
Takingbackme, sounds like you have some really great reasons to be here so well done for joining as for making a GP appointment, even though the receptionist is the wife of whoever she will be bound to keep confidentiality so please don't let that stop you making the appointment.
Sirenetta, I know, it was really uncomfortable! I tried to brush it off as a joke when they first wouldn't take no for an answer but ended up having to be really forceful and quite rude which was totally unnecessary! Which is why I'm thinking maybe contacting people in advance to say I'm having a dry spell is a good idea, then no-ones expecting me to drink
Takingbackme. Welcome and bloody well done. getting if off your chest honestly is a brilliant first step. Now breathe. You are not a bad person you have simply got yourself into an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and self-focussed is what you need to be right now. You are still you. Try another GP if possible - you have the right to non judgemental assessment and treatment - be honest around your depression and ask for what you think you need. If its appropriate they should have a good reason why and an alternative treatment plan. As I am sure you know alcohol is a huge depressant in and of itself and if you can manage a few days AF you might be able to see the wood for the trees. Have you managed to confide in anyone close that you would like to stop drinking for a bit?
doh meant to say that if GP thinks medication is INAPPROPRIATE (not appropriate) they should offer you alternative treatment plan...
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