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How do I tell him........

(4 Posts)
bubblebathandcandles Mon 07-Sep-15 08:09:45

I want a divorce.

Been separated for 2 and a half years though he did move back into marital home for a few months last year, had separate rooms but that was even worse than living apart. He seems to think I just want some space and eventually I will want to put the marriage back together, so he is content to live this miserable existence waiting for things to go back to how they were.

There is no-one else involved although we have had some issues with his 'cyber-friends'. I have never felt so lonely, my family all live 200 miles away and I cannot move as I have 2 dc doing gcse's / a levels. I feel that because I am still married I cannot have a life of my own as this will just complicate things.

I have text him twice saying we need to talk about where we go from here but he has completely ignored them. He comes to the house when I am out and just 'hangs out' and also comes to see the dc's but never visits when I am alone so we can talk.

I don't have the guts to blurt out those 4 words, I don't know how he will react. He is in complete denial that our marriage is over.

Should I just get the ball rolling and let a solicitor tell him and could I still get a divorce on 2 year separation grounds if he lived in the marital home for some of that time?

Optimist1 Mon 07-Sep-15 08:27:50

Next time he's coming to see your children could you arrange for them to be at a friend's house so that when he arrives you can have the conversation one-to-one?

Start off by saying that after two years' consideration you've reached a decision and want a divorce. Let him have his say, but don't give him hope that things might change; tell him that the time has come for solicitors to take over.

bubblebathandcandles Mon 07-Sep-15 08:40:22

I never know when he's going to turn up. He works shifts and just arrives when it suits him.

And he is very much 'a head in the sand' type of person. He won't have his say, it's his habit of staying silent that makes talking to him so difficult. I wrote him a letter once telling him how I was feeling. He read it, shook his head, put it down and walked out of the room. It has never been mentioned since.

I went round to his flat once to try to talk to him. His first words were 'what a lovely surprise - do you want a cup of tea?' then he disappeared in the kitchen for 15 minutes. I was so thrown by it, I couldn't muster the courage to say anything else!

I know I'm a coward, why is it such a hard thing to say?

hellsbellsmelons Mon 07-Sep-15 16:13:54

It's hard because it's like admitting failure.
Like you have failed in some way.
You haven't of course, but you won't be able reason that right now.
Yes, solicitor, get the letter sent to him.
Although from the sounds of it, he will probably just ignore it and hope it goes away.
It's hard but if you want to get things moving then YOU are going to have to take the bull by the horns and do it.

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