What a f*ckin mess. I have been with my husband for 16 years and for at least 14 of those been unhappy for various reasons. We lived with his mother for the first 8 years and have had debt problems from the word go. He has anger management and finance control issues along with continuous cycles of depression.
There's always been a reason (excuse) for me not to leave, either things looked as though they may one day get better or simply that deep down underneath all the crap I still loved him.
We got married 6 years ago (which at the time I knew was a mistake but couldn't see a way out & felt it was 'expected' of me) and had a daughter 4 years ago who is the only real bright spot in the whole relationship.
Things have been getting steadily worse over the last couple of years with us sinking further & further into debt but things came to a head a few months ago when I found he'd spent almost £4k on one credit card in the space of a year (£800 in the last month alone).
This has forced my hand and we are now in the process of setting up a DMP which should see us debt free in 5 years with just a mortgage and secured loan to pay for. So far so sorted.
Now comes the messy part. This weekend I slept with someone else. I am not proud of it, over the 16 years I have had many opportunities to cheat and never have. But for some reason this weekend something snapped and I crossed the line. It's made me realise how unhappy I am in this relationship and how desperate I am to get out.
What's worse is that my husband is currently signed off (unpaid) for 2 weeks so far through depression and so this is at the worst possible time.
I spoke to him last night & confessed all including how I no longer love him or desire him and haven't for months. I have been putting on a brave face but despite saying to him several times I am not happy, to him this is out of the blue.
Until recently we were even discussing having a second child, but on my part this was because I wanted my daughter to have a sibling not because I thought it would fix things for us.
My husband is now in bits at home, my daughter is with his mum at her house and I'm in my friends spare bed, hating myself for being so selfish and for not doing the decent thing years ago when we weren't so far entangled.
I should mention that the £29,000 debt is mostly in his name with just 2 overdrafts (caused by bailing him out) a credit card (
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Relationships
Cheating, debts & a toddler. What have I done?
4 replies
KatsMother28 · 07/09/2015 03:07
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