Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2

Relationships

I don't love my fiance anymore and it's breaking my heart

31 replies

CrossRoadedMoira · 04/09/2015 09:43

Been together around 4 years. Always had lots of issues. He tried to cheat on me with hook up sites early in our relationship which was the first nail in the coffin. That destroyed a lot of trust and respect I had for him straight away and that's where, in hindsight it should have ended.

But I gave him another change (well, 2 other chances to be fair - I'm a mug).

From then on it's been a roller coaster of amazing times and outright awful times. Sometimes even the awesome times have been blighted by his awful attitude - like our last major holiday. I was upset about something - he turned it into a huge row and just would not let it drop. In a normal relationship, it wouldn't have got as ridiculous as it did, I know this.

He's controlling, constantly whining at me about housework. When I'm cooking he comes into the kitchen shaking his head and muttering about how I should tidy up as I go along. I feel like I have my dad constantly watching over me.

He feels guilty about his kids (I was NOT the OW) so over compensates by treating his 20 year old like a small child. Running off to pick him up for 'access weekend' every saturday, running upstairs with drinks and snacks for him - all of which I could handle through gritted teeth if it wasn't for the fact that he argues with me CONSTANTLY because of his kids. If he sends his son a message and the kid doesn't reply, he takes it out on me (although not obviously and would never admit it). Anything his kids do wrong, it's my fault. Anything that his kids say, is my fault.

Anyway apart from all that, it's been a bad few weeks. He totally ruined a night out I had with my friend who I'd not seen in ages (and the first night out I'd had in ages) by going mental and drunk ranting at me about something absolutely ridiculous. Made me cry, upset me so much I ran off at 1am to get away from him, ended up in a field in the pitch black lost - I know that was my own stupid doing and I'd had a bit to drink but I've never felt so alone.

A few nights later he ruined another night out (which was our 'date night') by ranting at me over a daft joke I made about the house being haunted. In a normal relationship it would have resulted in a "can you not say about the house being haunted? it bothers me" and I would have listened and stopped. That would have been the end of it. In our relationship it was "for fucks sake, I've had it now with your stupid comments about the house! I'm so sick of your bullshit and it stops NOW. You're a fucking adult and you're taking the piss out of a house, its doing my fucking head in and I want to hear no more on it!" .... followed by lots of head shaking, follow up comments - next day saying the night was going ok until I ruined it by going on about haunted houses ... you get the picture.

Anyway these past few weeks I've been slowly coming around to the idea that I will never be happy with him. Furthermore, I feel myself starting to distance myself from him. Sex is awful now too, I feel almost nothing.

I even inquired about a rented house earlier this week. Its still available and I can't stop thinking about it.

But then there's everything else. My poor kids having to witness yet another of mums long line of fuck ups. My eldest is just about to start college which he's really excited about and my youngest is about to go into GCSE year and he struggles at the best of times.

Also, a bloody wedding is booked!!!

I don't know whether to just knock the whole thing on the head and draw a line under it or lay it on the table for him, tell him I'm not happy and X, Y and Z needs to change for this to work.

Honestly feel like just doing a runner. FWIW, we're actually getting on ok at the moment which is even worse = because now I can't put my negative feelings down to argument.

OP posts:

Report

hellsbellsmelons · 04/09/2015 09:53

OMG - people have told you time and time again.
End this.
Do it now!
Call off the wedding.
It's really not rocket science.
He's a cock of the highest order.
Tell him to fuck off and never come back.

I'm not sure what more you want.
Others have told you this but you aren't listening.
We aren't going to tell you to stay and give it a go.

Get him out of your life FOR GOOD!!!