Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

NC starting out

(4 Posts)
Bubblebath01 Mon 31-Aug-15 18:56:34

9 weeks ago my world fell apart.

I am starting a course on Wednesday, been in the planning for over 3 years ( crap timing!) And thought about for many, many years.

I have read a really good self help guide and realise I need to commit to NC to move on, and achieve this.

Would like to hear from anyone else about to embark on this.

Also to hear from people who are further down the line.

I realise I am still working through the grief phases, but if I carry on like I have been, I will fail this course, and the bastard isn't going to ruin this on top of everything else he's done.

AWayToGo Mon 31-Aug-15 22:12:44

3 years ago P of 9 years left me. When I say left, I mean he disappeared; just went. After doing some phoning around i found that he wasn't dead but had left me. Things hadn't been great but I hadn't seen this coming. He disappeared at a time when i had some major issues going on which he clearly didn't want to support me through so he took the cowards way out and went. Tosser.

Anyway I realised very quickly that I had to go NC as there was no going back; he didn't want me; end of. So I set about deleting him from my life - all the obvious stuff like phone, email, facebook. I disposed of everything that was linked to him - gifts, photos, jewellery, memories of any kind - they all went.

When I met friends I would quickly change the subject if the conversation turned to him; they got the message.

I set myself some goals for the next year which I broke down into targets each month - this sort of thing appeals to me; it may not work for everyone.

I had a few wobbles - looked at him and his new woman on Facebook, that sort of thing which i don't recommend, but I managed NC quite easily. Why would I have wanted contact with someone who so clearly didn't want me or respect me?

I joined things - volunteered; meetup groups; music group; fundraising group; yoga; sports group and contacted a few old friends. Essentially I got busy. Not everything worked out but now 3 years on my life is unrecognisable from how it was when he was around. I have so much more confidence and i feel so good about myself. i've tried online dating and also met a few men in RL but to be honest no one has been good enough for me. I value myself very highly these days.

Good luck with the course.

something2say Mon 31-Aug-15 22:34:53

I've had to go NC with my family. At first I was raw, because I was so close to having been hurt by them, but I found that time started to stack up where I just wasn't getting hurt anymore. Then I got used to that feeling, of happy days, simple plain sailing.

Like the other poster above, I got out and about doing my thing....don't let that course go! Hang on tight and work hard. Time passes and you will soon see that life improves.

It's alright to cry at the beginning, to let it come out when it rises up. But don't stop working, get up after crying and get on with something. Think about your life, your future, almost design it.

Good luck x

Bubblebath01 Sat 05-Sep-15 14:20:32

I have managed a week! But I really want to tell him what I think of his not arranging anything , or even contacting the children.

One child has a birthday next weekend, how can I sit back and let him disappoint her?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now