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Help... Make or break weekend

(19 Posts)
Dothetwist Sun 30-Aug-15 10:39:23

I need some advice.

Dh and i have a an issue around sex. In the case that we haven't for over 3 years now

It's the only thing we have ever argued over, we have come away for a weekend the only one we've ever had on our own.

I bought a little nightdress thingy with the thought i would maks some effort to try move things on. Except the problem is i had mouth surgery a few weeks back, it's not healed very well and yesterday when we kissed it really hurt my mouth..

How do i explain this to DH without it sounding like another excuse? I think he will hate me.

Joysmum Sun 30-Aug-15 10:42:28

Ask him for ideas about what you can both do without putting to much strain on your mouth. You can still do plenty of touching so it doesn't have to put a stop to everything.

magoria Sun 30-Aug-15 10:43:59

I assume he knows you had surgery? Tell him and get him to kiss you elsewhere and everywhere. grin

If you like them and are happy to at the end of the weekend give him an iou for a bj to be redeemed once you are well. wink

If he gets arsey and says you are making excuses after surgery he is an arse and you gave bigger problems.

Dothetwist Sun 30-Aug-15 10:55:23

We never actually talk about it either..

Do you think i should explain that i can't do anything? Or just leave it?

QuiteLikely5 Sun 30-Aug-15 10:56:48

Which one of you resists having sex?

Dothetwist Sun 30-Aug-15 11:03:27

quite me sad

ShebaShimmyShake Sun 30-Aug-15 11:12:18

Well, dothetwist, do you know why? What is it that puts you off?

LadyStark Sun 30-Aug-15 11:13:56

It's not necessarily the most romantic but you can have sex without kissing!

How about reading some erotic fiction/blogs (instead of the very unsexy Mumsnet grin) to get you in the mood and then suggest a quickie just before you are due to leave for lunch or similar? It will take the pressure off a bit as you know you are about to head out and doesn't make it a big 'thing'.

WickedWax Sun 30-Aug-15 11:15:45

It doesn't need to be an excuse, but it sounds like you're trying to make it an excuse.

It's not the case that you "can't do anything".

Seems there are issues that a 'make or break' weekend isn't going to solve.

GloriaHotcakes Sun 30-Aug-15 11:17:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Costacoffeeplease Sun 30-Aug-15 11:24:11

I don't understand why a sore mouth means you can't have sex? Is it an excuse?

TheStoic Sun 30-Aug-15 11:25:57

Why have you not had sex for 3 years, OP?

It sounds like you're both creating a lot of pressure around this weekend, which is not much of an aphrodisiac.

lunar1 Sun 30-Aug-15 11:28:05

It sounds like you don't want to. Who decided this was make or break?

category12 Sun 30-Aug-15 11:29:32

OK, pressure of weekend away, you had good intentions, but you don't really want to... It's not been the magic pill for what ails you. Do you know why you haven't wanted sex for the last 3 years?

DadWasHere Sun 30-Aug-15 12:12:40

OP, for a three month drought the internet could give advice but for over a year, let alone three, that should be directed to professional counselling. Dirty weekends away are great but make or break weekends are the polar opposite.

whattodohatethis Sun 30-Aug-15 18:08:06

Being unable to kiss doesn't mean you aren't able to do anything?
Do you want to have sex?

pocketsaviour Sun 30-Aug-15 18:14:28

It does sound like you are looking for a reason/excuse not to have sex, which of course a sore mouth isn't as there are plenty of things you can do without your mouth being involved.

Do you ever talk together about sex/the lack of it?

BolshierAyraStark Sun 30-Aug-15 19:06:16

There are clearly more problems here than a painful mouth... I seriously doubt anything we suggest is going to help in the here & now unfortunately.
3 years is a long time, why do you not want sex? Have you considered therapy to address the reasons? If not I really think you should, getting back in the saddle will not be an instant thing I think.

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable Mon 31-Aug-15 10:24:08

Why don't you want to have sex? Is it not enjoyable?

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