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Am I being precious? Really not sure if I am asking too much or not.

(88 Posts)
whostheJohnsonnow Sat 29-Aug-15 22:13:45

Just that really. I would appreciate some opinions.

I've officially been with my DP for 9 months now. In all that time he has never once taken me out on a proper date. When I say proper I mean a date where he has arranged it, and decided where we go etc. Yes we have been on nights out, but I have ALWAYS been the one to suggest the venue, and basically implement the whole thing.

I've mentioned several times (meaning about a million times!) that I would love him to arrange to take me out...just once! It just never happens. He was supposed to be taking me out tonight, but even at midnight last night had no idea where he was taking me, saying that he would "look for something"

Am I being a spoilt princess just to want him to take the initiative? I just feel a bit rubbish about it all. Even this morning he was asking if I wanted to "do something" tonight, but no mention of what that thing might actually be. It's really starting to become an issue, and I'm not even sure if I have any right to let it be one?

Aoifebell Sat 29-Aug-15 22:19:29

YANBU. My bf is the same. Our anniversary tonight, he's out with his mates so we have to do tomorrow. Still don't know where, what time, anything. I spoke to him earlier on asked if he's booked anything he said "No, should I?" Useless twat. Tomorrow night might be our last grin

CocktailQueen Sat 29-Aug-15 22:20:53

Yanbu. If he's like this now, it wouldn't fill me with confidence that he'd be able to organise anything else in our future life together!! Plus it's lazy and unmanly.

thehypocritesoaf Sat 29-Aug-15 22:23:11

He wouldn't be for me that's for sure.

TheRadiantAerynSun Sat 29-Aug-15 22:30:11

On the one hand, I don't agree that a 'proper' date is one where the man has done all the arranging and made all the decisions. On the other hand you want someone who is at least capable of all that. It smacks of laziness to expect you to do it all the time.

It's very irritating for the response to the quesition, "what do you fancy doing?" to always be, "whatever you decide babe."

Balance. Balance is good.

whostheJohnsonnow Sat 29-Aug-15 22:33:14

Oh I definitely don't think it has to be arranged by the man for it to be a proper date.

It would just be nice if just once I could get a text saying "Tables booked for 8pm" and not have to lead everything myself.

Aqualady Sat 29-Aug-15 22:36:51

What amazing super fantastic points does he have for you to put up with this limp can't be arsed attitude?

Did he take any of his exs out?

hesterton Sat 29-Aug-15 22:37:45

Is he kind, loving and thoughtful in most other ways?

AcrossthePond55 Sat 29-Aug-15 22:38:30

Men like that always made me feel as if they were 'just along for the ride'. They didn't actually want to put any effort into the relationship, but were fine with just 'floating down the dating river', iyswim.

No thanks.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 29-Aug-15 22:43:31

To get a text like that you're going have to tell him the name of the restaurant, give him the phone number, and specify the evening you want to eat there, which kind of defeats the object.

How about compiling a list of places/events you would like to go to in the next 3 months, give it to him with a note of dates on which you'll be free to attend, and tell him to make the bookings so at least there'll be some element of surprise as to the order in which he's put them?

whostheJohnsonnow Sat 29-Aug-15 22:45:05

Yes he's a kind hearted person. Certainly not mean spirited or nasty.

Thoughtful? He can be. I wouldn't say he's precisely a romantic though. Whereas I have given him loads of presents etc while we've been together. He's supportive though. Listens to my problems, always makes time for me, and so on.

I just feel like I am giving far more than I am getting back. I even helped him get a job a few months back (rewrote his CV; got a friend to give him a false reference) He got sacked after a month.

It doesn't look great written down does it? Oh God. sad

thehypocritesoaf Sat 29-Aug-15 22:45:11

I think 14 yr old Ds has more gumption.

And he has very little.

thehypocritesoaf Sat 29-Aug-15 22:46:17

I was going to ask about work.

So he's crap at that too and wants you to organise it? Hmmm

whostheJohnsonnow Sat 29-Aug-15 22:48:10

I know hypocrite. I know.

I'm just a helper by nature. I have 2 jobs; both of which involve helping people.

Now my private life basically consists of helping someone as well...

Reubs15 Sat 29-Aug-15 22:49:23

You're not being precious. But maybe you just have more of a masculine energy?
In a relationship one person has to kind of be the decider otherwise it wouldn't work. If this isn't working for you move on now probably.

Aqualady Sat 29-Aug-15 22:50:55

Nope it doesn't. Sounds like he is a taker. The next time to are telling him your problem, check he is listening, ^really* listening.

Dont sell your self short.

CocktailQueen Sat 29-Aug-15 22:51:22

Doesn't sound like it's working, does it, OP? flowers

whostheJohnsonnow Sat 29-Aug-15 22:52:01

That's an interesting theory Reubs. I definitely attract people who want to be looked after. Paradoxically I pretend I don't need anyone; even though really I'm terribly lonely.

I know this issue is about more than just dinner dates. I love him though, very much. I just keep finding myself in rubbish relationships over and over again.

whostheJohnsonnow Sat 29-Aug-15 22:53:09

Not that this is really rubbish. It just has a really uneven dynamic.

I just wish somebody would look after me for a change. God, how pathetic does that sound?

Twinklestein Sat 29-Aug-15 22:54:31

So what did you end up doing tonight?

Does it really take masculine energy to book a restaurant?

thehypocritesoaf Sat 29-Aug-15 22:59:38

Only those with massive testicles can utter the immortal words, 'um can I book a table for two, oh er eight thirty, fine, lovely'

Twinklestein Sat 29-Aug-15 23:00:31

My dad was like this when my mum met him. And over 40 years later, she is still organising all the restaurants, dinner parties, social events, theatre tickets, museum outings, holidays, house maintenance, building work, birthdays, Christmas, cards and presents for family. Everything.

My dad cruises along in her wake.

You've been warned.

MadHattersWineParty Sat 29-Aug-15 23:00:55

Yy to balance as I was with someone (broke up a few months ago for other reasons, mainly because he was an uncaring twat in the face of something where he should have shown support/compassion, there's a threads out him grin )

But he arranged EVERYTHING we did (as in he would book gig tickets without consulting me ever and get annoyed if I had other plans, always picked and pre booked restaurants.

If I suggested something, he'd veto it, as always had to be on his terms.

Anyway, it's all about the balance. He should make an effort with you and show some bloody imitative/gumption. But what's his personally like- is he generally just really really laid back?

thehypocritesoaf Sat 29-Aug-15 23:01:18

Sorry op...I know a couple of really capable women with very useless men. I think it must be irksome...

MadHattersWineParty Sat 29-Aug-15 23:02:46

OP not saying you are controlling anything in the way my Ex did so hope you didn't think I meant that- wasn't the way I intended it to come across! Just giving an example. He dies sound like he's sort of cruising date-wise, I wouldn't like that.

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