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Explain to me the post-break-up "Facebook Block". (men???)

(134 Posts)
andreasperks Thu 27-Aug-15 22:24:05

Can I jjst get a bit of insight into what the "Facebook Block" thing is all about, having had three men do this to me in less than a year - which I have found a little insulting.

I'm no fool and understand the block function is there for people who are stalking you, people causing you bother or whatever and I do also understand that in some instances "blocking" might be done for the purposes of self protection (ie: I don't want to see your happy posts thanks!)

But if we are talking in terms of grown adult men around the 40 mark, who you have split up with after short relationships, where they are the ones who have ended it......what is the "dump and block" about?

I am reading into it that they are saying...."I am worried that I dumped you and you will take to my Facebook page slagging me off or having a hissy fit in public so I am blocking you to prevent that".

Which I find immensely insulting! I'm a 35 year old professional woman who's never done anything like that in her life.

I can understand maybe not wanting to "stay friends" in which case..."unfriending" is surely adequate? Perhaps done quietly a few days or weks post break up out of politeness? I have done this.

But a block. That feels quite like a slap in the face. Dump and block. Ouch!

Incidentally the three men who have done this blocked me only on Facebook and stayed open with me via all other communication - in fact some continued to text me for a while.

I have plenty of ex boyfriends, serious or otherwise, who are my friends on fcebook and we get on perfectly fine. I never post anything angsty or wash dirty laundry and am a perfctly normal and rational woman.

Any ideas? Does this happen to anyone else?

SomeonesRealName Thu 27-Aug-15 22:28:23

The guy who did this to me recently was, I am pretty certain (though I had no idea at the time) seeing me behind a long term girlfriend's back and he didn't want me to see the proof on her profile, which was open to friends of friends.

SomeonesRealName Thu 27-Aug-15 22:29:37

Or I guess me to post something that might incriminate him if she read it. Or for me to be able to contact her.

andreasperks Thu 27-Aug-15 22:31:09

Nope. None of them seeing anyone else

I just find it so insulting! Unfriend quietly...but that text to say "things are not working out" followed by the block just feels so bloody rude.

Do they think I am a bunny boiler?

Most annoyingly I thought I had good friendships with all there was no hard feelings!

PoppyBlossom Thu 27-Aug-15 22:31:44

I think it's pretty normal actually, it just means I'm a single bloke and we are no longer together. Would you prefer to see the flirtation of a new courtship unravel blow by blow?

newnamesamegame Thu 27-Aug-15 22:33:19

I think a lot of men and particularly those of an arrogant persuasion are generally grotesquely self-important when it comes to affairs of the heart and like to think that all women are constantly in a state of angst about them. They like to be in control and to be the ones dictating the state of affairs in order to maintain this illusion that they are all powerful.

Blocking you is a way of maintaining the sense of control. Its the social media equivalent of seeing you enter a pub and pointedly standing at the bar, talking to their mate or chatting up another woman and pretending not to have seen you come in. Its a way of saying "I know you can't keep your hands off me, darling, but for your own good, I'm going to make sure I keep you at arm's length." And, as you point out, doesn't preclude them from continuing to contact you in ways they feel they can dictate.

It would wind me up too, but I'd be inclined to just ignore it....

DrMorbius Thu 27-Aug-15 22:34:28

Perhaps your behaviour (and more importantly, their belief in how you will react) leads these, three separate people to act as they have done (all the same).

Old Russian proverb, "if three people tell you, you are ill, go and see a doctor"

andreasperks Thu 27-Aug-15 22:35:44

I'm not talking about relationships that were serious or publically stated. Incidentally all my serious relationships are still my friends on facebook.

I am talking about men I had maybe been with a month or two. Not serious. Not publically a couple on facebook. Not even interracting on facebook really, bar the odd "like" on a photo.

So in that instance, I am just baffled really.

I do understand now everyone wants to stay friend, hence the "unfriend" feature...but block. Block is diferrent and has actually hurt my feelings.

It's the old fasioned equivalent of changing your phone number or something. What are they insinuating with those actions?

I find it weird

LintRoller Thu 27-Aug-15 22:36:40

I don't think blocking is necessarily an insult. Blocking just makes you disappear from someone's Facebook altogether, so you might conceivably have de-registered or stopped using it. You won't pop up on their "people you might know", you won't turn up on mutual friends' pages. So in that way it's more tactful than just defriending.

andreasperks Thu 27-Aug-15 22:38:12

Dr Morbuis...I don't post anything on facebook! I don't interract with them even. I have never done a single thing to even make them think I was upset about the breakups. It was all "ok, thanks, take care and keep in touch" and we are texting normally.

It's not something I have done or said. I;m as far from a bunny boiler as it gets. My partner cheated on me with prostitutes and I managed to "unfriend" him without blocking or saying a word on facebook about it.

I'm actually very discreet with my private life and no one on facebook even knows who I am dating.

tellmeofthetime Thu 27-Aug-15 22:38:23

You are a normal and rational woman. Their other girlfriends probably weren't. Or they thought they were til they broke up...
Or the men are sad bastards who think it's a grand gesture designed to upset you ?
Who knows.
I've been blocked by someone who blocks every single person who 'wrongs' them in any way, imagined, perceived or otherwise. Someone's blocked list says a lot about them I think. Alarm bells rang but I ignored the jangling !!

PoppyBlossom Thu 27-Aug-15 22:38:43

Were you friends previously? I think really, a fling of a month doesn't need To be party to what's going on in their life. How about you unfriend them op?

andreasperks Thu 27-Aug-15 22:39:14

new that sounds about right. All three loved themselves.

LintRoller Thu 27-Aug-15 22:41:14

Oh dear, I'm worried how many people I've offended now. I've blocked people purely so it won't be obvious that I've defriended them. I never meant any offence by it, quite the opposite.

andreasperks Thu 27-Aug-15 22:45:09

I unfriend people I no longer think of as "friends" occasionally - generally ex colleagues from 100 years ago or perhaps someone from school I can;t really remember and don't know why I added them because I am quite private -but generally speaking I conduct the same ettiquete online as i would out in the street. Be polite!

As in, if i see an ex I politely say hello and ask how they are. Many of my exes I am actually good friends with. One I am best friends with. It all depends on the level of friendship.

I have blocked one person in my life, and is someone who did something pretty extreme to me that I do not want to have see my comments or photos on others pages as we have mutual friends. To be that is the "point" of blocking.

The most recent one who blocked me I am very upset about. Mainly because I dated him a while ago 5 or 6 times and ended things with him as I was due to undergo a long period of travel with my work and had no time to see him. I broke it off very nicely, he accepted very nicely and asked that we stay friends and I agreed. We stayed in contact (ish) and stayed friends on Facebook.

We ended up hooking up again six months later and went on a few dates. this time he ended it and then blocked me.

I mean...really! Cheeky bastard!

andreasperks Thu 27-Aug-15 22:46:45

I am not sure how others feel Lint, but to me a blocking is a sign of really intensely disliking someone.

Being unfriended is a sort of phone a friend and laugh about it thing, whereas to me being blocked actually hurts. It's a cyber slap!

PoppyBlossom Thu 27-Aug-15 22:47:45

I can see you take blocking someone very personally. I don't think it's such an extreme measure for other people, so it's probably just a clash of meaning going on.

overthemill Thu 27-Aug-15 22:50:17

So if you block someone on Facebook do they know? I didn't realise that. But why in earth would you want to keep in contact via social media? Odd

overthemill Thu 27-Aug-15 22:53:50

I've just looked it up and they don't notify you if you are blocked so how do you know? Just curious

andreasperks Thu 27-Aug-15 22:58:52

In this case ovethehill, I GOT the dumping mesage via facebook so noticed the block immediately because I could not reply and had to reply by text instead!

One of the other told me he had blocked me (he dumped me but it was apparently due to me being not as into him as he would have liked so it was a drama queen act)

The third one I went to look at him, as you do after a split, and he was gone.

You can tell you have been blocked because you can't reply to messages, or view their profile even the public version.

LintRoller Thu 27-Aug-15 23:01:10

That was always my reasoning overthemill

If you unfriend someone, if they look you up, you will be visible but no longer a friend, so they KNOW you have chucked them, which is a bit hurtful.

If you block someone, if they look you up, you just won't be there. You might have blocked them, or you might have changed your settings so you are not generally visible, or only visible to certain groups, or just not using Facebook any more.

LintRoller Thu 27-Aug-15 23:02:34

Cross-posted Andreasperks.

The first two guys sound like idiots.

MelanieCheeks Thu 27-Aug-15 23:07:31

Hang on. Someone dumped you via Facebook. But you still want to be friends with them there?

andreasperks Thu 27-Aug-15 23:11:05

No of course I don't! I am just confused over why he wouldn't.

He was fine with being friends when I dumped him...why block me now. It just seems like a double face slap.

andreasperks Thu 27-Aug-15 23:13:16

Imagien waking up in the morning to a dump text from someone you've got no beef with, quite a polite dump text, and going to write back "oh well, thanks it was lovely" only to find you're blocked. It just feels so rude.

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