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Holiday Romance

(63 Posts)
Timetorethink Wed 26-Aug-15 18:28:53

OK. I am on holiday in a country in Europe where I have had a holiday home for 10 years or so. During that time, I have been very friendly with one of the locals who works in an establishment close to my apartment. He has seen the men come and go in my life, and has always been friendly - never pushy. We wish each other happy christmas - sit and chat late into the night when I am visiting. If I have male company, then he is very respectful and does not push any boundaries. He is recently divorced after 10 years or so, and has a son who lives part of the time with him.

That's the background.

I am currently single (since last summer) and have no idea whether what is happening now is simple friendly behaviour or more.

He has always been very private about his home life, but this year has opened up and told me a lot about his family etc. Last week, for the first time ever, he asked me out for lunch (then said he was sure I would not like to come as I would be far too busy!) - we had a lovely lunch (for 5 hours) and then he dropped me back to my car and I came back home. We had an unspoken agreement that no one he worked with knew that we had met up.

The following day, he called and asked me for lunch again - this was before my daughter came over to stay with me (she is 16). Again, we had a fab 5 hour lunch. His English is not great - so although we have very understandable conversations and never stop talking, some of the nuances are possibly lost in translation. He said, for example, that he had never imaging that we would be having lunch together. I was not entirely sure what to say to this. He also said that he really liked me. But there was no touching apart from a kiss on each cheek when we meet, and the usual touch contact over lunch - touching an arm, moving my fringe from my eyes - that sort of thing.

My daughter is now over - she wanted to stay in last night and spend the night talking to her friends on the internet - so I contacted "the man" to see if he would like to go out for dinner. He did, and we had another fabulous evening.

I got into my car when he dropped me back, and then he spent several minutes talking to me through the window. I had suggested to him that he may like to join me on my balcony after he finished work - he had said that was a good idea earlier, but then said that it would be difficult as he would be spotted (as my apartment is in the middle of all the restaurants and bars) and he did not want me to be embarrassed if anyone saw him. He then said that he had an apartment - but without a balcony - and I have no idea whether that was a comment or an invitation!

Oh - the other thing is that I am around 10 years older than him. Not sure whether he knows that or not ...

So. Is he interested in me romantically - and is being reserved because he does not know whether I like him in that way? Or am I reading way too much into it? And he is not interested romantically, as if he were, he would have made a move by now?

I've always thought he was a great person; works very hard, always cheerful and just gets on with whatever life throws at him. So I don't want to cause any awkwardness by launching myself at him.

But equally, I don't want to miss out on something that might be good for both of us. blush

fastdaytears Wed 26-Aug-15 18:31:03

It all sounds lovely, but I don't understand why it's all so top secret. Is there some background that explains why the people he works with can't know?

Timetorethink Wed 26-Aug-15 18:33:02

Oh - and I need help sooner rather than later - will be seeing him in a couple of hours - and need advice urgently grin

Lovelydiscusfish Wed 26-Aug-15 18:34:00

I definitely think he fancies me, but would be slightly worried about why it is all so secret. Are you 100 per cent certain he's single?

Timetorethink Wed 26-Aug-15 18:34:17

It is a small village, and everyone knows everyone - and I am not sure that I want people knowing everything about me - and I guess that was his thought as well. I have known everyone locally for many years, and not sure at my age I want all the knowing looks!

Lovelydiscusfish Wed 26-Aug-15 18:34:29

Fancies you, not me!

Timetorethink Wed 26-Aug-15 18:35:10

He is definitely single.

Timetorethink Wed 26-Aug-15 18:35:44

I had been a bit worried by your first few words, Lovely!

fastdaytears Wed 26-Aug-15 18:36:54

No question that he wants to get jiggy with it (just wanted to say that) so you're not going to make an idiot of yourself at all.

As I say, it's only the secrecy that would bother me. There's nothing embarrassing about two adults getting involved is there? If you're 100% sure there's nothing sinister behind that then go for it and enjoy yourself. He sounds really in to you!

fastdaytears Wed 26-Aug-15 18:37:30

I feel left out now- I don't think he fancies me at all. What's wrong with me...

Sallyingforth Wed 26-Aug-15 18:38:26

Personally I don't think any relationship should be based on secrecy. If he's worth dating, he's worth dating openly.

ImperialBlether Wed 26-Aug-15 18:41:28

He never liked me...

I would be VERY cautious about this. Yes, it would be a holiday romance for you and if you were simply in a hotel, then I'd say go ahead. But you will be returning to this place again and again and you may not want to be involved with him again. You may want to bring someone else with you.

He's too close to home and in your position I'd just stay as friends.

Also, what's his background and religion? If he's seen you with loads of blokes over the years, might he just think he's in with a chance?

Heyho111 Wed 26-Aug-15 18:43:12

Just go with the flow. He's probably wondering the same thing - whether you fancy him.
Enjoy it. Nothing you've said worries me he sounds respectful. ��

Timetorethink Wed 26-Aug-15 18:43:31

I just don't want there to be any awkwardness - this place is my haven where I retreat to when life has been crap - and I am not the sort of person to be openly flaunting something like this. Even if I am dating someone normally (general public!) I don't like people to know about it - even close family - until I am sure it is going somewhere. I guess I am quite private.

MARTIN1 Wed 26-Aug-15 18:43:36

I definitely think he fancies me

Timetorethink Wed 26-Aug-15 18:46:06

IB - he has definitely not made any moves - and has had plenty of opportunity blush - he has just been very respectful. Maybe he looks at me as like his mother? That is why I am being rather less than forward. I may scare him off for life!

Same religion as me. Not dissimilar background. He has not seen me with 100s of men over the years. Just two. Generally, I come here on my own to recharge my batteries.

Lovelydiscusfish Wed 26-Aug-15 18:46:23

In that case the secrecy makes it sound MORE like he's in to you - if he just liked you as a friend, why would he be concerned about preserving his (and your) privacy. That would only be an issue, surely, if a relationship/intimacy was on the cards.
Go for it! Good luck!

Timetorethink Wed 26-Aug-15 18:47:09

I have always had a soft spot for him, but knew he was married and therefore always bore that in mind when we chatted.

ImperialBlether Wed 26-Aug-15 18:50:44

Sorry, you did say, "He has seen the men come and go in my life" so I assumed there were stacks of them!

I really wouldn't want anything to spoil the privacy you have there.

Twinklestein Wed 26-Aug-15 18:54:30

The being spotted thing is weird. Even in a small village, why does he care?

Timetorethink Wed 26-Aug-15 18:54:42

Yes - badly written by me - I can see why it made my life sound waaaay more exciting than it really is! The trouble is, IB, I really rather fancy him, and we do get on really well. And if it is just between the two of us (and a whole load of people on the internet ...) then if it all goes wrong, we will just act like grown ups and no one will be any the wiser. He is honestly a really nice person.

Timetorethink Wed 26-Aug-15 18:56:32

Everyone gossips, Twinklestein. And I would rather they gossiped about us being an item, rather than me being the elderly (well, not that elderly!) woman that threw herself at a younger man! Hence my question about whether he sees me as a friend or possibly something more.

beardsrock Wed 26-Aug-15 18:57:51

He fancies you. You fancy him. Crack open the Ouzo and snog him (Childish? Me? No!)

Just have fun.

Tiggeryoubastard Wed 26-Aug-15 19:01:07

He doesn't want to be seen with you. You're significantly older than him, and I'm guessing significantly wealthier. Just don't go to the DM with a sad face when it all goes tits up.

Timetorethink Wed 26-Aug-15 19:01:34

That is definitely what I want to do - I will try to put my brave pants on tonight and make sure there are no mixed messages!

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