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Lonely/ bored

(23 Posts)
Raquel81 Sun 23-Aug-15 18:29:40

I have been single for 6 years now, i live with my young daughter. The thing is i have times when i convince myself i love being single but then theres times like now i feel lonely and would love to have someone to spend time with. I still speak with my ex but were not to pally he doesnt bother with his daughter, he seems more interested in messing about with other women. I feel angry too because he seems happy in his life and he was the horrible one. Just feel like im always going 2 be single.

CantAffordtoLive Sun 23-Aug-15 20:43:49

I understand. Been divorced for a couple of years and get on better with my ex but, of course, don't talk very often. I live alone and whilst I appreciate the peace and freedom that I now have it gets lonely. I sometimes find myself wondering if I should/could have handled my marriage better but what's done is done.

I'm too old now for Internet dating so I guess this is as good as it gets. flowers

Also afraid I might get lumbered with another fuckwit!

codewaist Sun 23-Aug-15 21:43:19

Not much to add but I feel so very lonely and I've only been separated for a month.

Trying hard to remember how I filled the time before family - don't remember ever feeling this lonely in my 20s.

Raquel81 Mon 24-Aug-15 10:04:37

Its horrible ladies, 2days not to bad though think wk ends make it worse as they can be boring, i understand about the internet dating too haha i dont really want to end up with a fuckwit either smile. Suppose il just wait and see what the future bring, surely things can only get better!!!!

amarmai Mon 24-Aug-15 10:42:42

lots of fuckers looking for you and your daughter. Maybe try something for you personally -whatever you like - e.g. exercise, sewing, crafts, trips, baking, biking, ----

Flowerpower41 Mon 24-Aug-15 11:23:36

I think you should keep working at enjoying your own company op - give it a bit longer.

In time you will come to actually PREFER to live alone.... Yes it is unbelieavable! If that can happen to me who was previously always man dependent in relationships then it can happen to anybody.

I am so much happier now I have got accustomed to enjoying my own company.

Try to build up sympathetic social circle wherever possible. Treat yourself e.g. retail therapy/decent food if you can afford it.

My money has picked up the past 2 years and that has greatly helped although there is plenty of room for improvement i.e. an old banger for a car and still no holidays abroad. However I can afford decent clothes and lovely food and look after my skin and health well and have a monthly back massage.

If there is time do some hobbies? I play piano it is very relaxing. It will depend on the age of your child however. Mine is now 10 so can e.g. go on the laptop or x box while I play piano. I don't do that until all the chores are done however and at weekends that can be not until 3 pm !

Yes there is always way more to do as a single parent to run the house and funding everything can be tricky but in time you will come to love the empowerment of no longer needing a man in your life.

Good luck and hang on in there!

Flowerpower41 Mon 24-Aug-15 11:24:36

It also helps when they are that bit older and less needy of your time and no longer making endless demands and constantly interrupting!

Personally I find every year gets easier and more and more empowering.

Wando Tue 25-Aug-15 23:01:07

Loneliness is so hard. Try finding if you can a hobby where you will meet people; new social circles definitely help. Good luck

pearsOn00 Wed 26-Aug-15 01:54:59

took me along time to be happy being alone and a single mum but having friends to talk to are take you out really do help

Flowerpower41 Wed 26-Aug-15 05:00:26

I prefer being single I can't see how a relationship can possibly enhance my life men only bring stress in my personal experience. I have lived with four men over the years prior to having ds.

It is so much easier to just keep making our own decisions and like I say most of us get used to it and find it more and more empowering and the bitterness and loneliness slowly dissipates until we find our inner peace.

Easy for me to say maybe after 10 years of it! smile

Wando Wed 26-Aug-15 08:05:25

It will get easier - it's just a long slog. But I think for the vast majority the older they are the easier it becomes .

Flowerpower41 Wed 26-Aug-15 10:02:40

Yes I agree Wando it is easier each successive year.

rouxlebandit Wed 26-Aug-15 15:15:12

How old is 'too old for internet dating'?

Smilingforth Wed 26-Aug-15 15:49:29

I think about 85!

Wando Wed 26-Aug-15 15:59:00

Perhaps that's too younggrin

SoleBizzzz Wed 26-Aug-15 20:15:46

Read this

Wando Wed 26-Aug-15 23:12:59

Interesting read. Loneliness is i think one of the scariest things for people. It certainly freaks me out.

Flowerpower41 Thu 27-Aug-15 05:23:45

If you learn to be happy with who you are believe me the loneliness dissipates.

Wando Thu 27-Aug-15 06:21:37

I agree with flowerpower but you've got to give yourself time, build other friendships and try from time to time to step outside of the mundane day to day existence a lot of us endure.

Flowerpower41 Thu 27-Aug-15 10:01:24

Not only time helps but money picking up has helped alongside ds getting older each successive year.

In addition I joined a spiritual group some years back as this means I can go out in the daytime one afternoon a week - I can do this as I work from home - and it is impossible to go out in the evenings as I have no family support and can't justify the cost sitters.

The spiritual group has helped me develop myself without sounding pompous. Of course spiritual matters aren't everyone's cup of tea! For another person they might swear by e.g. tennis club - for that we still need time and money and I do understand that these are not commodities that many of us single parents have.

Those blessed with social mobility through family support being endlessly on hand plus means to see to it are very fortunate.

Wando Thu 27-Aug-15 10:40:22

Each person can have their own version of flowerpowers change - whether it's a hobby or new friends - any positive change helps.

rouxlebandit Thu 27-Aug-15 11:14:03

Even in these supposedly enlightened times, is it harder for a woman to be single?
In my twenties and early thirties before I was married I didn't have any long-term relationships and wasn't desperate for one. I enjoyed my independence and not having to discuss plans with someone else. I used to go on skiing holidays alone but you always got with a crowd for apres-ski stuff. During a month's hitch-hiking around France I made friendships on the way.
A man can go into a pub on his own; can a woman do that these days?
OK I'll admit there were times when I felt lonely. I spent one New Year's Eve drinking alone in a pub!

Flowerpower41 Fri 28-Aug-15 11:13:03

I think as for a woman going to the pub on her own it depends where you live. Nobody judges in London from my exp. having met female friends in pubs when younger for socialising.

Luckily I am not into pub culture so I don't do that lol.

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