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How to spot a narcissist

(8 Posts)
Notmydoughnut Fri 21-Aug-15 21:21:20

I see a lot of people on here posting about narcissists.
How do you spot a narcissist? In a romantic relationship and familial relationship? Can someone break this down for me as though they were speaking to a six year old?

Imbroglio Fri 21-Aug-15 21:43:08

Everyone has narcissistic traits.

A bit of narcissism is healthy.

Too little narcissism is unhealthy, and your needs are not met.

Too much narcissism and other people's opinions, feelings and needs are not recognised, so their needs are not met.

What you need to look for is a lack of balance, and a lack of empathy.

But be careful of labels - lots of people seem to lack empathy or are selfish but do not have a personality disorder. In particular, people who have had very difficult families may also be difficult but can change when they learn to trust and learn more effective strategies. Some people are just spoiled and need firm boundaries.

Imbroglio Fri 21-Aug-15 22:00:47

I just found this. psychcentral.com/quizzes/narcissistic.htm

I scored 2! But I think I grew up with narcissists - maybe I learned early on not to bother.

there was also this:

psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/

mrssmith79 Fri 21-Aug-15 22:08:29

Someone with a true narcissistic PD would need to fit within criteria outlined in the DSM-V or ICD-10. To be quite honest, I'm a psychiatric nurse, and the simplest yet most informative description I've come across has been from the dreaded Wikipedia

Notmydoughnut Fri 21-Aug-15 22:14:06

Thank you all, I got 7 on the quiz, I think that's a good thing. I'll have a look at Wikipedia.

hollieberrie Fri 21-Aug-15 22:29:38

This is the website that ive found the most helpful and enlightening. This list focuses on how N / P / S 's tend to behave in relationships. Reading it was like a lightbulb moment for me in terms of my ex.

www.psychopathfree.com/content.php?212-30-Red-Flags

Deadsouls Fri 21-Aug-15 22:44:19

This is in no way a 'technical' or accurate list. This is from my personal experience of having been unfortunately involved with one of these individuals;

lack of empathy
Grandiosity - thinks they are terribly important and unique
Lack of accountability - blames everyone else for everything
Superficial charm - very seductive, within a week you're the love of their life
Rage just beneath the surface
NEVER says sorry ever
Very exploitative of people in their life
Very little in the way of conscience - they are too special to adhere to normal codes of behaviour and morals
Hot and cold behaviour, push-pull dynamic
VERY controlling, control is their raison d'etre, they have to control anyone with whom they are personally involved with. Everything is on their terms
They expect compliance
Vengeful, vitriolic, spiteful
They have to win at all costs
Very manipulative
No real depth of feeling

Imbroglio Fri 21-Aug-15 23:12:47

If there is one thing that will piss you off? That's the thing they'll do.

Tell them not to come round that night? They will either turn up on your doorstep or harass you all night with texts and phone calls.

Tell them you are unhappy? They will tell you you are mistaken, crazy, lying.

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