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Can't stop obsessing over a guy I think is perfect for me :(

(19 Posts)
20needadvice Thu 20-Aug-15 02:07:50

I'm starting this thread because I'm hoping to get some good advice from other women who may have gone through a similar thing.

I'm 22 and broke off things with a 27 year old guy I was dating in May purely due to differing political views (he was a sure UKIP supporter and I'm very much Labour). I really like this guy and I'm normally very, very cautious about who I get involved with to make sure we are both well suited before starting any sort of relationship.

However, I think I have made a huge mistake by breaking it off because I have never felt so strongly about another person so early on. I feel like apart from differing political views he is literally perfect for me. I think my insecurities surrounding making sure the guy I'm with is 100% perfect for me has ruined what could have been. Another plus is that he is also working in the industry I'm about to join and without his help I wouldn't have gotten my dream job.

Over the months we have still kept in touch, however he recently told me he is dating someone new but that he would really like to see me for coffee. I said I would let him know when I'm free and after that deleted his number and deleted him off Facebook, because I really didn't want to meet him just for him to tell me he wanted to stay as friends, and I've also used deleting him as a way to try and stop obsessing. It's been 3 weeks now and we've not spoken, I can't get back in contact with him because I've deleted him off everything. Plus pride is stopping me from re-adding him on Facebook.

I think part of my worries stem from the fact that my career is going to be completely unconventional so I may not even be around regularly enough to meet someone to marry and possibly have children with in the future. I'm heading into the oil and gas industry and as a result, later this year, I will be working offshore on rigs all around the world. I am really excited about this because the pay is going to be great and I get to do the one thing I've always wanted to do which is travel but constantly being away from land may mean I don't ever meet anyone to seriously date which worries me.

Part of me wonders whether I should scrap all my career plans and try and find a regular steady job at home which means I'm more likely to meet someone to potentially marry and have children with.

Furthermore, quite a few threads I found via Google on this website have worried me. What if I reach the age of 30 and realise he was the best I could ever do? And what if I never meet someone I feel so strongly for again?

I'm trying very hard to be sensible but I can't help obsessing about this guy and worrying about what his absence in my life will mean for my future sad

NickiFury Thu 20-Aug-15 02:11:31

You're 22, you have a whole decade before you need to start worrying about meeting The One. Sounds like you have an amazing opportunity coming your way career wise. Take it and don't look back!

wafflyversatile Thu 20-Aug-15 02:19:00

Well you're 22 so it's unlikely this will be the last interesting man you'll meet. You'll be in a male dominated industry for starters. Also this is your career now but in 5 years you might change direction anyway. There is a lot if future in front of you. Lots of life to live.

As for this man well done for deleting him from fb. I think it's hard sometimes to keep our mind off our last romantic relationship until the next interesting man piques our interest. Keep in mind he votes UKIP. Yuck. Maybe put an elastic band on your wrist and snap it every time you think about him and remind yourself he votes UKIP. [Grin]

AngryBeaver Thu 20-Aug-15 02:37:38

What Nikki said.

I met my DH on the first day at uni. We married at 25. I'm 37 now and we have 4 kids together. I love him and them, but sometimes look at other woman and wonder what could have been if I hadn't tied myself down so young.
I'm just starting my own business which I think is going to be amazing.
But' it's so much harder doing it with a family to support as well.
If I had done it the other way round, life would be very different!

Just live your life.
You will meet someone when the time is right.

20needadvice Thu 20-Aug-15 02:37:40

Thanks NickiFury and wafflyversatile for your replies! its true I probably won't stay in that career forever and will probably be forced to change at some point anyway due to the ever fluctuations get oil price. When I sit and think about it I know it's so silly to be worrying about it since I have a lot to look forward to, it's just so difficult not to. I will have to give that elastic band idea a go! smile

20needadvice Thu 20-Aug-15 02:42:43

Thanks AngryBeaver for your perspective I guess part of me feels that this guy was right for me and therefore because it hasn't worked out, I've missed what would have been the perfect person for me. But I guess the key is to try not to think about it and just live my life

ARV1981 Thu 20-Aug-15 05:06:18

At 22 you've got your whole life ahead of you. Go, enjoy your career. It's unlikely that this is the only guy for you - political views are incredibly important imho and it sounds like the pair of you are incompatible in that sense having polar opposite core values. That shouldn't be taken lightly and you definitely did the right thing when you found this out!

As pp have said, by entering a male dominated career you'll get to meet loads of men (from all over the world) so it's very likely you will meet someone else who ticks all your boxes.

Good luck! And well done for blocking him, May seem hard right now but long-term it's the best thing to do. smile

Smilingforth Thu 20-Aug-15 06:24:33

I agree with most of the posts above. Go enjoy your freedom and you'll meet lots of potential men. Enjoy and good luck

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Thu 20-Aug-15 06:47:57

If he's a UKIP supporter and you are a socialist how can he possibly be perfect for you?
Seriously? Unless you actually don't care about politics in any real sense.

You're 22. Surely you won't be on rigs forever? There are many years of dating ahead of you. Relax.

Dragonsdaughter Thu 20-Aug-15 09:06:07

22, with the chance to work all around the world in a male dominated industry - against settling down with a ukip voter?

BalloonSlayer Thu 20-Aug-15 09:26:28

You're going off to work on off-shore oil rigs and are worried about not meeting any blokes?


molyholy Thu 20-Aug-15 09:44:56

Maybe the fact he is dating someone else has made it feel even more like he was Mr Right as he is less obtainable now.

I could not be in a relationship with someone who had such differing political views than myself. It just would not work for me.

You are 22. So young. Plenty of time to meet somebody. You will be travelling the world, surely you do not think you will never meet another man who is more suited to you. You are on the start of an adventure, do not let these thoughts hold you back! Enjoy what the world has to offer!

OTheHugeManatee Thu 20-Aug-15 09:49:34

Jeez, 22 is a baby! You have your whole life to find a new guy. And the oil rigs will be swarming with them grin They might not all look like this but surely at least some of them will. Chin up, move on and look forward to all those muscular oil rig workers your exciting career.

Twinklestein Thu 20-Aug-15 09:59:36

If I thought a UKIP supporter was the best I could do I'd shoot myself now.

I've never met one who wasn't an idiot.

You're a wee bairn with plenty of time to meet the right guy, plus you'll be stuck on oil rigs with 100s of men.

G1veMeStrength Thu 20-Aug-15 10:03:54

he was a sure UKIP supporter

he recently told me he is dating someone new but that he would really like to see me for coffee


PanGalaticGargleBlaster Thu 20-Aug-15 10:14:22

I work in the oil and gas industry and it is going through a very tough time at the moment, low oil prices has caused many projects to be cancelled and thousands of people to be made redundant. If you have long term offshore work lined up then you would be utterly mad to defer it for something else. You have a unique opportunity to work overseas, experiencing new cultures, earning big bucks and meeting new people while your company pays for it. Offshore platform experience and presumably having all the certificates that allows you to do that (i.e completing offshore survival courses) puts you in a very strong position for future employment. Jacking all that in at 22 to chase Mr Fantasy is absurd. Although things are fast changing the industry still only consists of about 20% women, I am pretty sure you will get to meet other guys along the way.

AnnihilatedBeerGuttedCats Thu 20-Aug-15 10:15:25

You're 22, the guy that seem perfect now could be 'Mr I Can't Believe I Ever Even Spoke To' at 25 or 29.

(Not even to mention the UKIP thing, personally that would be a deal breaker for me.)

Honestly I think you're worried about the big exciting change that is about to happen in your life and a little part of you is scared, which is normal and looking for a get out clause.

He's not it.

Go travel the world, you'll meet some wonderful people (some prats as well but IME most people are nice)

TPel Thu 20-Aug-15 10:18:39

Go and live your life and forget about the UKIP man. Think about it seriously, do you really want to wake up every day for 60 years next to someone who thinks Nigel Farage is a great bloke with really good ideas?

hellsbellsmelons Thu 20-Aug-15 11:32:12

I would say never let politics get in the way of a good relationship.
Unless....... He's UKIP!
Seriously - run away fast.

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